HEY NAYSAYERS: The judge put it in my order. WHY NOT?

Question

The order says that neither parent can have overnight guests of the opposite sex to whom he or she is not related, engaged or married when in possession of the kids. If he would just live decently, we wouldn't have needed a court order, right?
I date, and I don't have men over when the kids are there ( or not, actually). What makes that so hard?

Aren't you the same people who would kill anyone who gave your kid a chip or a candy bar and who want the government to ban transfats?

Answer 1

Good for the judge! At this point it's not about what's fun for mommy and daddy, but what's good for the kids. Keep being a good mommy and don't be bitter--it will all come out in the wash....moreover, if you give him enough rope, eventually, he'll hang himself. Regards!

Answer 2

GOOD FOR YOU! I'm glad you went through it! For all of those that don't understand this situation here is some information for you:

If she were to get engaged that is not yet a "marital" relationship and the children are still protected by the clause. If she is living with someone, which is against the order, that person will have to leave while the children are staying overnight. The whole point is to avoid exactly those types of relationships. Living with someone is NOT a marital relationship. If her ex proposes to his girlfriend they will actually have to get married in order for it to be ok for the kids to stay overnight with her there.

The kids can still be around the person but if they are staying overnight the other person HAS to leave. It's a matter of putting your children's best interests FIRST and not your sexual desires. I applaud you for doing what you have done.

Answer 3

When my husband and I met he had a similar order in place. It was called a morality clause. I had no problem going by it. I wanted to set a good example for his kids in the event we got married.
But what happens when you find someone you want to marry, he's supposed to move out of the house when the kids are around? Seems a little excessive. You might want to prevent your ex from making choices you wouldn't make but you can wind up hurting yourself in the long run. My hubby, for example, wanted to nail his wife for adultery (he waited until legally separated to start dating while she was messing around for months before she moved out). In that process he had to cut me out of his life because the state didn't recognize the separation and him being involved with someone meant he was also guilty of adultery. We had become really good friends before dating and it was hard to sneak and not be able to do what we wanted.
Long opinion short, in the event of re-marriage it will be a sucky ruling for whoever has custody of the children. If you are the non-custodial parent and only have the kid(s) on weekends/holidays it will be easier. I don't think engagement should be a factor as those are more easily broken and agreed to.
Another point....my husband's ex just lied and said her b/f wasn't there or he'd sleep in the car or in the garage.

Answer 4

Sounds reasonable to me, Tia. Who were the naysayers?
Seriously, I think it's a bad idea to have people around the kids unless the parent has a committed relationship with that person. It sets a bad example. Besides, the point in the visit is to pay attention to the kids. Date when the kids aren't there. Don't be a phony with kids, but don't make them deal with more than they should have to.

Answer 5

Is your point that your ex has had overnight guests or that you want to? I'm not sure how to answer this. The order seems fair to me though. With small children, I would definately be concerned with what they're being exposed to.

Answer 6

So, if your ex husband proposes to his new girlfriend tonite, and they are engaged, she gets to stay, right????