I keep blaming my current man for everything that my ex's did to me in the past.....I try not to I try to stop and thinking about what I'm going to say first and than say but it always turns into a fight and people walking out of hanging up.....and I know if I keep this up i'm to loose the best thing in my life.....His a great man to me and a great father to my son....I just can't stop flipping out and blaming him and accusing of him doing things behind my back what should I do??? He knows about my past and why I act or say some of things I do and he understand but his not gonna put up with the shyt forever ya know.....
2007-03-21 02:12:18 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
and no i didn't jump into this relationship I was single for a lil' over 2 years before my current boyfriend now....
2007-03-21 03:26:01 · update #1
hmmmmmmmmmmm
He loves you? You love him?
How much?
maybe is he is really strong and kind he maybe understands some of that.
Its useful to have somebody to bounce things off of I think. If he reminds you of someone who mistreated you or whatever maybe thats useful. Maybe he could be like a catalyst for you to heal some things. Try to remember that he isn't those people though and didn't hurt you like that. Thats in your own mind I think probably and thats where you have a chance to try to heal it. Whatever issue it is.. Maybe with a few beers and a chance to unwind he can let it just fall away, whatever crap it is at the time. If he is a good person and hasn't hurt people, then when and if somebody accuses him of that, it won't stick to him. He is sure he is good and hasn't intentionally hurt people, thats why.
Anyway, we all have our limits I guess. If he loves you I think he cares and wants to help. Anyway he can.
2007-03-21 02:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband accuses me of the exact same thing. We've only been married just under 2 yrs. I wouldn't say that I blame him, as much as I tend to expect the same behavior out of him as my past boyfriends. I expect him to cheat and lie and dump me...so I tend to be a very jealous wife when it comes to certain areas because I have been burned many, many times before and I think I've come t expect it. He also accuses me of expecting him to be like my father, who ran around on my mother and then left her and us kids.
Its long been said that we are products of our environment and those experiences shape us into the person that we are today. Its hard to trust a man when you've been hurt by all the guys you've ever trusted and loved because you're thinking that THIS guy must be like all the rest them. And you have a certain defense mechanism that takes over when you feel you are about get hurt again, or when you see certain types of behavior that throws up a red flag...and its hard to NOT do that. I do it more times than I'd care to admit to and it always leads to a big arguement.
At least your aware of your behavior and if your guy knows your background a little bit, then he should understand that you can't help it sometimes. It takes time to unlearn things sometimes, and like all bad habits, they die hard. I would explain to him that you don't mean to do it and apologize.
The best advice I can give you is TRY to remember that all men are NOT the same and that there are some really good ones out there and your man is probably one of those. And try to keep that in mind the next time you want to blame him for what ol' what's-his-name did to you back in 1995.
Good luck!
2007-03-21 02:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to let things go that has cause us pain. However, he can not make up for what someone has done to you. This a totally different man. It is not fair to make him pay for another mans mistake. This is a new begining and should be treated as such. Sometimes we have to go through bad relationships to know what a good one is like. The more time you spend time looking at what is wrong your missing out on what is right. Another thing you have insecurities that you need to take care of. If you are not secure with yourself then you are not going to be secure with the relationship. Hope this help.
Peace & Love
2007-03-21 02:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by princess4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to chill out for a while in any relationship. Definitely not fair to him. Obviously you are not over your ex and the current boyfriend is becoming well aware of that and you will lose him anyway. The thing you need to do first is either confront your ex and tell him everything you feel that he did wrong or write him a letter and mail it to him. Maybe that will start your healing process and you can move on. I suspect you soon started dating this other guy after you broke up with your ex. That is never a good thing.
2007-03-21 02:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience what you are going through. I did the same thing for a while and to be honest the only thing that helped me was going to get counseling. You are angry cause of what happend to you and that is normal. You have to always make yourself aware that he is not your ex no matter what. My problem was I never really dealt with what my ex did and once I dealt with it, it was eaiser to let it go. But you are right if you keep it up you will lose you current bf and I am sure you don;t want that to happen. So go and talk to somebody and learn to let go of the past and move on with your current and enjoy it. Good luck to ya
2007-03-21 02:20:12 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, i'm sorry you've been raped, and are being below pressure. yet you want to inform your boyfriend each thing. start up to end. He look to really love you and take care of you, and he will stand by ability of you and guard you. tell him that you made mistakes and are being manipulated by ability of your ex and its not straightforward to get out of that grip in the prompt. tell him that you're sorry, and that you adore him and in undemanding words him and that you want him very a lot. possibilities are severe, he needs and loves you too. he's likely ver demanding about you and is waiting anixously so that you may tell him each thing so he can start up helping you and not in any respect basically convenience you on some thing he would not learn about. Your ex is a stalker and may no longer be harassing you want this. also, tell your boyfriend that he may be in potential chance out of your ex. He can then more beneficial useful guard himself, and also you received't ought to agonize as a lot about him being damage. He may also guard you more beneficial useful. you do not need to stay in concern. Letting this all out to the man who easily cares and loves you'll make you experience more beneficial useful, and help you to start up therapeutic. you also may ought to get a restraining order adverse for your ex. You boyfriend now may likely inspire that to. to in undemanding words save you secure. Sorry you should bypass by this, sturdy success
2016-12-02 08:34:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First i want to let you know that your right about him not going to put up with all that blaming that you always give him about your pass...... the next thing is that you should know how to respect him... he needs all your respect and more if his a great guy who he only loves you. and you should try to let go of the pass and look to the future because if your still looking to the pass your going to be the cause of ending ur relationship with him...
stop thinking to much about what happen to you and stop blaming him for what happen as well... you are not just hurting your self but your hurting him as well... and more if he knows your pass well thats great but his showing you taht even though he knows what happens he is still loving you and respecting you and his trying to be a good man for you.. but for a relation to work it has to come from both of you guys not just him been nice and leting you know he loves you and doing everythink you like and ALL he gets its blames from you and going back to the pass and and accusing him of doing stuff behind your back( what does he do behid your back do you know ) do you know
he might be doing something for u or just hanging out with friends or stuff like that
i hope u changed becuase i know that he will not put up with all of this (almost the same think happen to my aunt and u know what he left he just could not take it anymore and now shes sorrry about what she did she did never respected him she would always do the same as your doing to him right now
2007-03-21 02:29:53 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean I used to do that all the time but realistically you should of took more time out of being in a relationship with someone else until you know you are fully able to be in a relationship with someone and not blame him for what another man did to you and if this man you are with loves you then he will wait for you until you get your shyt together My man waited for a year for me and now we have a beautiful relationship and im glad that i took that time out for me to get right
2007-03-21 02:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by Rae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make a list of what makes him special to you, if you have to tape it to the mirror where you see it everyday. reinforce those things as much as you possibly can. It aint easy, But even if he is upset with you look in his eyes and think "I love this man - what can I do to help ths situation?" I know all this is easier said than done, it takes practice and effort. But if he's worth it go for it! Before long you will realize you have made a practice of only noticing him not thinking of the past. Focus on him, his voice, his eyes everytime you have a discussion, the others will fade away in time.
2007-03-21 02:18:18 · answer #9 · answered by just me #1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first move is acceptin a part of the blame for the breakup with ur x. then u'll let go of some of the insecurity u are in now. & anytime u are about respondin negatively to ur current guy, take a breadth & try countin to 10 or 20. try hard girl or u'll lose him too. good luck
2007-03-21 02:25:57 · answer #10 · answered by nkemnonchalant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋