My boyfriend of 6 months is 28 and quite racist, i find it really annoying as it seems he is fine with people from different races as long as they are doing something that will benefit him..i.e he knows a chinese guy who owns a chip shop that he goes to and is quite friendly with him, but if we see a person from another race walking down the street that he doesnt know, he either tries to immitate them or says things under his breathe about them.
I know a lot of this has come from the fact that he lives with his grandparents and has done for most of his life, his grandfather is extremely racist as well.
I have spoken to my bf about this many times and have repeatedly told him that i am not happy with him doing these things, how else can i stop him being like this? I am so sure he wouldnt be so bad if he lived away from his grandparents, but he refuses to leave them.
HELP!
2007-03-21 01:11:49 · 40 answers · asked by Unhinged.... 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Two things here: If he won't change, I wonder if you will stand to be with him, and maybe raise racist children.
The other: Will he ever leave his grandparent or, I wonder if he has never grown up and will want to live with them forever...in other words, he's not fit to be with as a BF and will never be good material for a domestic partner or husband.
As far as changing him. The most you can do is model non racist behaviours and talk to him. I don't think he will change easily.
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-03-21 04:05:40 · answer #1 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If the question is just how you can change him, i'm sorry the answer is that you can't. Even if you get him to stop making comments about other people in front of you, he will still feel that way and talk that way when you are not around. Which in essense still reflects on you when you are in a long term relationship. If you want to be with him you have to let it go. You can look at the fact that you have only been dating for 6 months and if it's something that really bothers you and is having a negative impact this early on the easiest thing to do is break up. This should still be the exciting romantic time not you stressing already. Not to mention that fact that he is 28 and lives with his grandparents.....come on! He obviously has bigger issues than making fun of people on the street.
2007-03-21 02:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Children are taught racism before they're 6 years old. That's a lot of years that he truly believes he learned things "right".
You can't change his mind now, as this was all part of his early patterning. Whether he lives with his grandparents or not, he truly believes in this, and will continue to think this way.
Better to decide whether you can put up with this or not. It's only going to get harder for you as time goes on.
2007-03-21 02:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's 28 and living with his Grandparents still? He needs to get out of that house. I'm not sure if it will help him being racist. I think he needs to see that disrespecting people you don't know by saying things under your breath or trying to imitate them is pointless and it's not funny. What does he say to you when you bring it up?
He doesn't seem like he deserves your time if you've brought up something numerous times and yet he still does it. That doesn't respect you. I think something needs to change in your relationship with him. Hope it helps!
2007-03-21 01:21:57 · answer #4 · answered by thnkgreen290 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My boyfriend was very homophobic when I first started dating him, and although its not entirely the same thing it is STILL a form of prejudice. I asked him to look inside himself. Would he like to be treated that way? Or talked to like that? I asked him if a gay man had ever done him any harm? He responded no. It took time and I slowly introduced my gay friends to him, and he realized that he was being prejudice and unfairly judging people. He finally got over it and is fine now.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that if he is being racist and hateful then he is only hurting himself. Because color means nothing and people are people- black, white, asian whatever. We are all people with the same emotions and feelings.
2007-03-21 02:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by Suki 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It will be hard to change this terrible habit of his as he has been brought up to it and thinks that it is normal. This is especially true if he is still under the influence of these people.
I was going to suggest talking to him about it but you've done that and seen no change.
I wouldn't want to go out with a guy like this - sorry. XXX.
2007-03-21 06:32:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't realize that my husband has a racist streak,even though he denies it, and says he does it all in fun. I find it extremely irritating, and embarrassing. I can honestly tell you had I known this side of him better, before marrying and moving to Europe(for him) I would have loved to have known it beforehand. You cannot change a person, even if you move him away. What's done is done. Good luck.
2007-03-21 01:39:30 · answer #7 · answered by kick it 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The thing about racism is that people are expected to not be that way. But the fact is people are any way they choose to be and that's life. Being racist is their choice and however unpleasant it may be, that's the way they are. You'll never change a life-long habit or opinion so you'll either have to accept it or find another fella. Being with him doesn't make you racist. People are people, and people will be how they want to be. That's life.
2007-03-21 01:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Divine ♥ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What you need to really decide is if this is someone you could see yourself marrying and having children with. What may seem like an annoying trait now will become a MAJOR issue if the two of you would ever have children. You need to think about what kinds of values they'd be exposed to.
Myself personally, I would never tolerate a person who is racist. Keep your options open.
2007-03-21 01:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by steddy voter 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well since he has lived with them for so long it will be difficult to change his ways now. I am sure that he just makes comments and is not truly racist. If he was he would not even associate with this chinese guy. The only thing you can do is to keep talking to him about it and one day he might change but it wont be completly
2007-03-21 01:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by D R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋