Worries with my 3yr old girl??????

Question

Where to start...
Our girl is now 3yrs. She was extremely pre-term, being born at 25wks gest instead of term at 40wks.
She has had major probs from birth, from hernias, heart ducts, breathing issues, all this due to being prem.
She is now over these hurdles, excluding the whole holes to her heart.
She is currently in day care X2 whole days a week (just started), an in kindy X2 days for 3hrs.
She is extremely active from time she wakes till time she goes to bed.
Not much sugar intake (as I am diabetic).
She is starting to get very aggresive, and tempermental.
Wanting her own way all the time, if not on comes the water works or tantrums (for hrs).
She does have a younger brother (aged 1yr).
She does show any jealously signs of him. She loves to play with him, looks out him asking him if he is alright. (very cute to see and hear).
I have had her checked for diabetes, results have come back clear.
Can anyone please give advise or suggestion how to get some control back with her

typo previousy, she DOES NOT show any jealousy of her brother

Thanks for interest below.
By stating tempermental/aggression, she will TELL you to STOP IT, whenever she pleases for no apparent reason and persists with saying it over an over.
Throwing things across room, destructive with toys, pulling them to pieces, her anger is way out of control in the way she talks to you.
Outtings such as shopping she generally good, an not demanding.
She is going thru toilet training and handling that nicely.
Too much to type up here.
She is a different girl other than home.
We love her to pieces, as to her brother.
Brother is quiet most of time, not causing to much of a head ache.
I go help her out, and she gets very snaky or worked up that I am helping her, so I leave her to do it by herself, then she still complains now that I am not helping her.
Her speech is quite slow compared to most of her age an this is starting to worry me also.
Her hearing tests have all come back clear.
She does have a big heart an is quite inquizitive into everythin

Naughty corner does not seem to work, repeatly putting her back an back over over an over (lost count how many times). Then once she does finally come out, she goes straight back into what she went there for in first place, despite explaining it to her what I expect of her.
Time out does nothing for her, as she wants to be constantly around me.
She is having broken sleeps of night, trying to climb into mummy an daddy bad, only to go back to her own, then comes water works and screams etc etc, we do not give into her or her demands.
I dont think we are strict on her to bring any of these probs on.
I may however be to concerning as a parent, showing our love for our child, I am extremly proud of both my children an wanting the best for them, but going from day to day with there basic needs etc etc.
Am I really worrying about nothing here?

Answer 1

I have a very tempermental 3 yr old, who is being screened for problems, I'm curious by what exactly you mean by tempermental? is it all anger and agression or are there other reactions to things?

Answer 2

Ever hear the saying terrible twos, tyrannical threes? Sometimes three year olds are more difficult to handle. The independence starting at two gets more defined, especially in a stronger willed child. The aggressiveness could simply be in response to the way she has seen or experienced other children at day care behave. Since daycare is a recently new experience she could also feel a little insecure. Does her younger brother also go to daycare, or does he stay home with you? If she alone goes there may be a slight feeling of resentment that she is too young to verbalize. As for the tantrums, my advice is to allow her to throw them, but pay her absolutely no attention until she finishes. I have walked out of the room when my grandaughter began hers, letting her know when she finishes throwing her fit then and only then will listen to what she has to say. The tantrums are becoming shorter and less often. Even though I know it can get on your nerves, try to relax and remember this is just one of many stages she is going to pass through. Enjoy every minute of time you have with her. They grow up before you know it.

Answer 3

Your little girl is normal. Must be wonderful to hear that she is normal. 3 year olds have so much going on in their little heads and bodies. They are just a miracle. Their motor skills are really starting to come together so they are busy all the time. But their minds is where you can just see them learning by the minute. One thing you can do is make sure she gets a nap every day. Her little body needs the time to rest and so do you. This might help with fewer tantrums because as I am sure you have noticed these increase the more tired she is. The next time she is aggressive you need to talk to her. Tell her exactly what she did that was wrong. Keep it short, she is only 3 and she will stop listening fairly quickly. After you have explained what she did wrong put her in a time out. Usually 1 minute per year of age. Ignore temper tantrums. They are a cry for more attention. But 3 year olds need to start learning to have control over their emotions so you might begin a rewards program. Maybe something like if you do not have a tantrum for the whole morning you may have (favorite treat) as a dessert for lunch. Don't expect instant results just a little improvement every day. After she has reached the first goal extend the time. Again in small increments. Next goal is to nap time. When you get to all day make the reward a big thing like a new toy or maybe time at the mall for just the two of you or anything else she would really love and will work hard to get. She will soon learn to control her temper and that hard work earns rewards. I know after her rocky start you will worry more than the usual mom but try not to, she will pick up on this emotion. She knows what to do to get your attention. She does love her brother but she still is showing signs of sibling rivelery those temper tantrums are how she is expressing that jealousy. Remember they are crys for attention. I hope that I have helped. Good luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately she is testing her boundaries. Having a 16yr ,11yr and a 3yr old , I know the headache you are going thru. The key is for both mommy and daddy to be on the same page. It sounds like one of you is the weak link, gives in to her just to keep the peace. You seem worried that all this might effect her physically, not likely.
Giving in to these little battles are going to loose you the war. It might sound cruel ,but let her cry it out in her room . At first it will seem like hours but she will learn that it is getting her nowhere and she needs to rethink it.
Remember : tell her she can come out when she stops throwing the tantrum and discuss why that was not acceptable. It will seem like it is not successfull right away but diligence is the key.

Answer 5

Being a parent is a job in itself & requires a lot of work & responsibility. Sounds like she needs lots of discipline & knowing when to stop those little fits she puts on for more attention. You must put your foot down, & perhaps up you know what! Society has made the world a crazy one without discipline now. We have these young kids who go out & kill people because of no discipline was taught to them, so they go out & if involved in the wrong crowd, then drugs, sex, etc.. are on going with them. Then when they want something like money or just their way, they do not let anyone stand in their way. So don't feel bad to put your child in the right direction & soon, or it'll only be harder later!

Answer 6

Is the daycare that you are sending her seeing these problems? If so, have they suggested anything? Three years old is a tough age. If you are concerned talk to her pediatrician. Have her screened with the school department. They start screening at age 3. If they see a problem they will tell you and try to get you help! My son was behind his speech/language at age 3. He had behavioral problems because he had trouble talking! Sounds like that could be possible for your child. My son is now 7, the behavioral problems disappeared after our city put him in their preschool for children that were behind in speech/language. He is now in 1st grade. (In a regular class.) The sooner you take care of this problem the better. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Young children are often temperamental, even ones who have had past health issues. This sounds like a case of the the "terrible two's" even though she now three. It's something that will pass in time. You just have to hang in there. Children need to exert some power and this is just her natural way of showing it. You just have to be patient and things will get better. Just wait until she's a teenager, that's when the real work begins!

Answer 8

One of the major outcomes shown in NICHD research on young children and separation from mommy is significant aggression arises in kids put young into day care - for more than 10 hours a week.

Children under 3 - 5 years of age are severely harmed by more than 10 hours a week separation from mommy.

Answer 9

despite her pre-term history, she seems to be a healthy young girl. The problem is that you're losing control of her in some way.

At three she is expressing two vital things to you: her independence and your limits. She's going to go as far as you let her. This is the time where you need to start putting her in time outs ( one minute for every year they are, in her case three ) and setting some strict rules with her.

If she continues with the aggressive out of control behavior, and time out don't work punish her by taking something from her. TV time, her favorite toy or game... take it away for a few hours. Before you give it back to her or release her form time out ask her why she was in time out, and listen to her reply. Then tell her why she was punished ( I put you in time out/took your TV time away because....). Do this even if she tells you the same thing. You have reinforce the issue, let her know that you will not tolerate it at any level. If the bad behavior continues, you cnd increase the time you take something away from her up to a day, but the time out has to stay the same. But you can place her in time out for every incident that occurs, and it works. Time outs for children is like chinese water torture.

But hang in there, at this age she really only testing you.

Answer 10

Hi, I have a preemie too. She was born at almost 30 wks(2 days shy) and she is 3 now too. We have similar problems too. But I know why...For the first 2 1/2 yrs she was not allowed to cry or get to excited cause it made her stop breathing. She had alot of problems too. It is a hard transition for her to go through. Most kids learn that the world does not revolve around them at around the age of 1 1/2 and its much easier because they have had their whole lives to get used to this idea. My Katie didnt, and it is taking her forever to get used to this.
Just be steady and consistent and you'll get through this!
my email is [e-mail] if you would like to chat with someone who is going through this too.
God Bless!

Answer 11

You are just going through the normal actions of a 3 year old. They are agressive and tempermental most of the time. Congrats!! you finally got your little girl to the point where her actions are normal!! You need to use a combination of explaining and discipline. Explain to her what you dont want her to do and use discipline when she does it. 3 minutes in time out seems like an hour to a three year old so it usually works pretty quickly. Ignor tantrums.