racist bf...?

Question

My boyfriend of 6 months is 28 and quite racist, i find it really annoying as it seems he is fine with people from different races as long as they are doing something that will benefit him..i.e he knows a chinese guy who owns a chip shop that he goes to and is quite friendly with him, but if we see a person from another race walking down the street that he doesnt know, he either tries to immitate them or says things under his breathe about them.

I know a lot of this has come from the fact that he lives with his grandparents and has done for most of his life, his grandfather is extremely racist as well.

I have spoken to my bf about this many times and have repeatedly told him that i am not happy with him doing these things, how else can i stop him being like this? I am so sure he wouldnt be so bad if he lived away from his grandparents, but he refuses to leave them.

HELP!

Answer 1

I wouldnt worry about it too much. Get on with your own life.. I feel that there are a lot of people out there that have racist views not just white people so if you are happy with everything else apart from this then just ignore it. If he starts shoutin abuse or making his opinions more open then I would worry. He doest sound a proper racist as he has colored friends, i think he just enjoys taknig the pxxs out of people and he may think you find it funny

Answer 2

Unfortunately your boyfriend being racist isn’t something that you can actually change. If he was raised to be racist it’s very hard to change that in a person. Perhaps him removing himself from his grandparents home would help however by your own admission he’s not willing to leave them. Try getting him into counseling and maybe talking about why he’s got these feelings for other races may help. When you talk to him about your not being happy or pleased at him reacting this way what does he say or how does he react? It may not be his grandfather after all, this just may be the way he truly feels and perhaps you won’t be able to get him to change. It sounds like in order to get beyond him reacting like this you may need to move on, especially if you’re against how he is. You may need to break the connection with him now before you end up hurt even more than what you be at this point.

Hope for the best but always be prepared for the worse. Pray that he can and will change. Best of luck with you boyfriend and this situation.

Answer 3

Your solution is easy. Either he stops being racist, or you break up with him. Keep it simple. He will understand, or he will not. If he does not, it's a sign that he has a serious character flaw. Racism is NOT okay by any standard, it shows intolerance and ignorance and you need only ask yourself, would you want to have kids with him? And would you want him to pass this behavior on to your kids? When put like that, it should'nt be too hard to make the right choice, right? Grandparents or not, he is 28 damn years old. I am 30, age is no excuse, and neither is upbringing. I'm pretty sure he knows that racism is wrong. It's his choice to be racist. Chances are, if he choses it, he's pretty comfortable with it. That is a pretty destructive personality trait, isn't it? Believe me, there are plenty of men out there, who are NOT racist. You don't have to settle for one that is.

Answer 4

I think you shouldn't be making excuses for him with the that he lives with his grandparents: he has a mind of his own.

The least he can do is not hassle you with his remarks. Also he should be more emphatic towards you and understand why you don't like his ideas.

You yourself should ask yourself the question wether you'll be able to live with this kind of a person, and if not, wether this person will change in the future, when he's moved out from his grandparents for instance, which 28 year-olds should do sooner or later.

Answer 5

To be honest, I think you need to think about this guy's prospects.

1) He doesn't listen to you - you've told him it bothers you and yet he still hasn't stopped his behaviour.

2) He feels the need to 'immitate' people as they go about their lives

3) He's 28 years old and he lives with his grandparents?? And he doesn't want to move out...

The best thing I can advise you to do is to ditch him. I know six months seems a long time but when you think about it, it isn't. Say you got married to this guy and had children with him, they'd probably copy daddy's rascist behaviour, like he's done with his grandfathers behaviour.

Answer 6

Maybe he just thinks he's being funny. Everyone is prejudice to a degree, because every race has something that the majority of them do, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not. Just keep on lettin ghim know how you feel, he's lucky to have you there telling him it's wrong. Can you imagine how bad it'd be if he found a racist girlfriend?

Answer 7

You have to understand that you can only do so much and go so far with him before you have to draw a line and say enough is enough. How long are you willing to put up with his behaviour before you say goodbye?

At his age he is very much set in his ways and unlikely to change. You can't rescue him from his situation if he doesn't want to be rescued. You can only do whats best for you and as I understand it what would be best for you is to find someone else.

Answer 8

I don't think you're going to get him to stop. He's 28 ... lives with his grandparents .... and is pretty set in his ways. He's not going to change without a very big reason.

Answer 9

It's extremely sad that people grow up around this kind of nonsense but maybe you can be the one to keep talking to him and maybe change his ways. You just need to keep stressing to him how very unhappy this makes you. And hopefully he's not one of these people that's beyond help to wanna change. Good Luck!

Answer 10

guess what....he's not going to change his thinking...oh, he might bite his tongue or hold comments to himself, but he'll still have negative thoughts toward people of different races. you may want to consider moving on.....6 months is not a lot of time.