Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He's loving, kind etc. but goes out till the early hours of the morning at least two nnights a week. His friends organise club nights and he usually goes to those. The problem is that he's invited me out 3 times since we've been together, even when he knows I want to go out he wont say anything about me coming along. Their social group includes girls as well so its definately not just a guy group.
Its having a really negative effect on my self-esteem, I feel like Im not good enough to be around them or something. Special occasions such as nye he also just says 'im going out' and doesnt think of me. Ive talked to him, written a letter, cried. I just dont get it but the more I make an issue of it the more I resent him and the more rude he is about it.
Help?
2007-03-21 01:07:49 · 18 answers · asked by naamski 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's telling you that you aren't good enough to be around them. End of story. If you really believe that, then stick around; if not, get rid of him.
Many men compartmentalize; they'll have a "girlfriend" (wife, if they're older) for certain reasons of stability, but don't consider her a part of their social lives, or even much of a friend. That's not her role, according to them. Some women think they don't deserve better, or that this is normal. Well, it's not, or it doesn't have to be.
Are you truly committed to each other? Do you think your relationship is more formal than he thinks it is? Are you living together? Has he specifically said you're his girlfriend and that he's monogamously committed to you, or does he sort of joke around or change the subject when you talk about this? He's not acting like most boyfriends.
I'd take a look at the book He's Just Not That Into You. It's got some problems, but a lot of it is right on. Your boyfriend's behavior is not "normal." He does not appear to enjoy spending social time with you. Nor does he seem to care whether or not you might get upset with him--that is, care enough to change his behavior. I wouldn't go out without my girlfriend on nye because, at the very least, I'd be concerned that it would hurt her or make her upset. This means that he doesn't really think of you as his girlfriend.
You should stop trying to change him. Men don't change--I know, because I am one. You just have to find one that is pretty good when you start. It's annoying in that you can't control him or make him think you're attractive or stop doing what he's doing. But you'll just have to let that go and move on. He's never going to start treating you like you want to be treated. (And if he does all of a sudden--get VERY suspicious, since he's up to something.)
We all have one life. It's too short to waste on relationships like the one you describe. You'll never get this time back again.
2007-03-21 01:26:04 · answer #1 · answered by vanveen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he does not want you around that kind of crowd, because he knows that you deserve the best and does not want you to see what goes on in the group. He probably knows that if he takes you to this group, the relationship will suffer and will probably end. Tell him that the same way that he goes out during two nights a week, you also need some distraction and he should do an effort to take you out occasionally.
2007-03-21 08:19:23 · answer #2 · answered by Big&Tall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not loving you any more rather he pretend as he loves you.....and if you are in a serious relationship...then for a bf or a husband his gf/wife is everything...and he should prepared to discuss everything with you, he should respect your values, opinions and he should share everything with you., if he is not doing all these with you...means either he is tired of you (not loving you ) or he want to put an end to your relationship...
I know its give us pain., and it would take a long time to have another relationship..,
For time being just keep quite..,later talk to him very seriously
and there is no point in getting into a lengthy argument., choose a time when he is in a good mood.., All the best.
2007-03-21 08:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by 2bros 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but i too would feel like
" what am i not good enough for you or somat, are you ashamed of me".
Sounds very odd to me, if other girls are at these ventures.
Have you tried saying
"oh i think i will come out with you tonight"
If the answer is
"no, i dont think so"
then you really need to reconsider
what you want out of the relationship.
Or are you just gonna go on for another two years letting him make you feel shitty
2007-03-21 08:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by magic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, he does not think enough of you or the alternative is he does not want his mates to fancy you, either way he is being controlling and if he is like this when he is supposed to be wooing you, imagine if you were married to him....don't think so. Get out now while you have some self esteem left and find a man who wants to show you off to his friends as much and as often as he can !
2007-03-21 08:13:56 · answer #5 · answered by MISTY 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but it sounds like a very major problem. After two years, and discussing it, etc. I would say that something fundamental is wrong with the relationship, and that it is probably time to move on. An occasional "guys' night out" is one thing, but you shouldn't have to beg him to spend time with you.
I'm sorry to say it, but that's an honest answer. Why do you need the sadness he causes? You deserve better, and sooner or later you WILL find someone who appreciates you more. Maybe he will grow up and treat his next girlfriend better; maybe not. It's not your problem. Good luck.
2007-03-21 08:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by American citizen and taxpayer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now i might not be a guy but you should really consider this, if he ignores you and doesnt remember you're special days then get over. not being hard on you but if he goes to a club with his friends most likely to get drunk and you even know that there are women there it is most likely that there is cheating there so you should confront him one finall chance to tell everything out in the open and if he dosnt budge then you leave him. GOOOOOOOD LUCK.
2007-03-21 08:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by bigfoot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
somethin is not right. fair enough having a lads night out every now and then or even once a week, but if he doesnt take you out and wont let you socialise with his friends, thats not on. he wants to have a girlfriend but have the single life as well. get rid and find someone who would be proud to show you off.
2007-03-21 08:25:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's bored with you - or he has no respect for you - tell him to take a hike - you have done your bit -talked, cried and written a letter - he is a prat of the highest degree and won't change.
Pack his bags and tell him to take a hike - move on and find someone that wants you for who you are - not a lapdog sitting at home waiting for the master to return
2007-03-21 08:13:21 · answer #9 · answered by jamand 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe his group isnt worthy of YOU. I think you should go out with your own friends and see how he likes being left at home on his own with the TV and the ironing.
Your local library should have names of organisations you can join or maybe start your own like a reading group or something.
2007-03-21 08:14:21 · answer #10 · answered by Robin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋