im 20 and my bf is 32 we have been together 1 1/2 years and we only had sex for the first 4-5 months!!! then it stopped completely!! we have a 6 month old baby n i thought fair enough he dont want sex wid me while im pregnant but after he still wont! its a different excuse each time! 'im too tired, im drained, i cant with the baby here' and loads more!!! he tells me he could have sex with other people but not with me coz we are always together?? this is killing me! if i talk to him about it he has a go at me! if i try to innitiate sex he'll push me away straight away we havent had a proper kiss is months! ive had enough of it! its really gettim ne down! he stayed out all nite the other nite n lied bout where he was i found out in the end that it was an exes he stayed at who is still in love wid him! he swears nuttin happened but i dont believe him!! am i a mug for staying with him??? please help me? how can i get him to want me again??
2007-03-20 23:51:39 · 20 answers · asked by x_wiggy_x 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
its not coz i have had a baby he has gone off me this happens to all of his relationships in the past and that is why they have all ended i jus thopught i could change him! im young n i aint ugly n i got great **** lol i just thought that he wouldnt go off me!
2007-03-21 00:18:11 · update #1
obviously your bf is getting it elsewhere. Try shagging a few of his mates, that will show him whose the boss.
2007-03-20 23:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
(ANS) How can I put this too you gently without causing you yet more pain & hurt. It seems to me from what you say in your posting, that your partner is showing all the classic signs of withdrawle of intimacy with you (or towards you).
**Its clear from your post that he has divided loyalties, perhaps his real problem is both intimacy & committment at this point in time.
**Sadly, its a very familiar scenario that once a baby appears the male skips off. Doesnt stick around, which is heart braking not only for the mother but its heart braking for the child too. Men do have alot to answer for in this regard I would be the first to agree on this.
**If your relationship doesnt actively involve intimacy for whatever reason (let alone sex & sexual intimacy) then it would seem that the glue that binds you together is unfolding.
**I know this sounds abit cliched but for a relationship to work well, to be healthy & successfull it takes two people to want & need it to work. If that committment isnt matched by one of the partners its hard to see how it can be repaired, some relationships can be healed with some effort but timing is critical but for others a critical point has been passed. The glue nolonger can bind the relationship together.
**From what you've said he's giving you alot of lies & false statements or hot air, it sounds like your most basic trust in him has gone or has been torn apart. He cannot now be trusted to be honest with you. Its hard for you to know what to believe, let alone what to trust anymore.
**This might be because he's very confused about what he wants? now he has a new baby he's NOT number one for your affections. Many men feel this when a new child comes along, men feel jealous because they are no longer the centre of your attentions?? I know this sounds quite childish but its actually true.
**I really wish I had some clever answers to offer you in your difficulties but I dont sadly, I think all you can do is keep trying to talk, keep communicating with him. I wish you much luck and I sincerely hope things work out & become clearer.
Warm Regards to you & baby!!
IR
2007-03-21 07:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is the only way to check the reality; Try the following;
Before going to bed just take off ur clothes in full light and full view before him and lie by his side without uttering a word or initiating any move. Have patience and observe his response . Respond positively and passionately only if he makes a move.If he does not respond dont expect and go to sleep without putting on ur clothes. Dont discuss with him if he is not responding be normal and ignore the incidence. Repeat the above exercise for seven days. I AM SURE TRUTH WILL COME OUT. No normal person who loves his mate will be able to hold himself in the above situation. If still there is no response better say quits u have lost him.
2007-03-21 07:41:09 · answer #3 · answered by chetnand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its difficult when you really love someone to admit to yourself what is really going on.I always try to look at things from a different perspective when they are matters of the heart...For instance What would you say to a friend who told you what you just told us?
His ex still loves him and hes staying over????
What doing?? Sipping hot chocolate and watching tv? I DONT THINK SO!!! Do You?
Im sorry but he is getting a bit elsewhere for deffinate.
He might decide he wants you again when hes lost you!
This is usually the case.They say you dont know what you,ve got till its gone and Ive got to say it honey that you so need to get yourself gone.
You deserve better than this so ship out or chuck him out!!
He,ll come running someday when he realises what a complete fool he has been.But I can promise you that by just accepting this and doing nothing he gets to do whatever he pleases and 2 come back to you when it doesnt go right..
Pack his things and kiss him goodbye!!!
2007-03-21 07:08:25 · answer #4 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a pity that you have allowed yourself to be drawn into such an arrangement. This guy is not married to you and it has also become clear that he is no longer attracted to you physically and would want to avoid you in every way.
This is the situation and I wonder why you are still talking about how to make him like you again. Your major pre-occupation now is how best to move out of the sinful relationship and save yourself from further humilliation and ultimately, a huge heart break.
2007-03-21 07:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by comradechris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmm... the whole ex situation sounds a bit suspicious...
BUT, maybe one way to do it would be to have a friend babysit and take care of the baby for a weekend and just get away to some romantic vacation. Relax together, drink together... And see what happens... If he still pushes you away or leaves you in the middle of the weekend to "go back to work" or whatever, yes, you'll probably have to start thinking really seriously about leaving him.
But WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT try to have another baby just to keep him with you. It's not going to work.
2007-03-21 06:59:16 · answer #6 · answered by Claire 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this hunny, but I don't think you can do anything in this situation but leave. I know it will be hard because you have a baby but it will be the best thing possible. I would be furious if my other half stayed at hhis exes one night, I wouldn't let him back in my house again even if he said nothing happened.
There is no point trying to talk to him because most men have selective hearing and if they don't want to talk about it, they won't hear what you have to say. Leave now before you get hurt too much or kick him out.
Email me if you need to chat.
xx
2007-03-21 06:58:49 · answer #7 · answered by smudge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish all of you young women who think life will have a happy ending once you've given the love of your life a baby would realize that it does not work that way.
He is not going to want you again. Right now he is still with you because it's easier to stay there than to get out and find his own place, cook his own meals, and do his own laundry.
Make sure you have his SSN, and either pack him up and show him to door or move on yourself.
You'll need the SSN when you go for child support.
2007-03-21 06:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a changed hairstyle. Keep yourself, baby and the house clean. Cook good food (remember the old saying ' the path to the man's heart goes through stomach'). Try to keep yourself happy - even if you are down or feeling depressed, pretend yourself 'happy' in front of him. I hope this will work
2007-03-21 07:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by Shahid M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's quite a common reaction for a bloke to go off sex with his girl once she's become the mother of his child. I think they go for counselling, or a dirty weekend without the sprogg for that.
It's also common for decietful, cheating bastards to go off with their ex - who has probably decided to forgive him for cheating on her...
If you stay with him, you're basically telling him he can get away with doing it.
It doesn't sound much like you'll be missing much if you just lob all his stuff out the window and change the locks when he next goes out.
2007-03-21 06:58:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i too, think you should leave him, he is not mature enough to be your baby's father, not mature enough to know what you need, he doesn't want you sexually and i guess emotionally too, because he wouldn't have spent the night over the x'es place. he is running away from you, he can take responsibilities of his life, though he's 32. by that age, a man should think about his actions, and be honest about them, and not make up excuses. Be a little bit stronger, leave him, you and your baby deserves better, who really takes care of you. you can be independent, and you will feel better, once you've realized, he's a jerk. you say to yourself, i'm way too god for him, if he would really love me, he wouldn't have done this with me, i will find someone, who has respect for me, and doesn't run away from his problems. if you stay with hi, this will be worse, think it over, how would your life be with him, and without him. remember, you can live without him, he's not much of a father of your child, and not much of a partner of yours...
2007-03-21 07:12:36 · answer #11 · answered by wendy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋