Is it true that it mustnt be true love if you have to question it?
I saw something in my sisters room about her fiance, she had written down questions like " Do i really love him?" "Do i want him in my life forever?" and all sorts of questions like this. So what do you think? does she really love him or is she settling for him?
The wedding is in August this year. My bf was chatting to my sisters fiance and her fiance admitted that when he first met my sister, it was her friend he was interested in. He also has said that he used to use girls a lot.
The main worry for me is that the marriage wont last as he proposed to her when he was really drunk and is taking no interest in the wedding at all!
2007-03-20 23:41:13 · 18 answers · asked by Unhinged.... 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My sister is 27 and her fiance is 30.
2007-03-20 23:57:36 · update #1
i think its very normal to question your decision its a big commitment that changes your life forever......i know i questioned how i felt before i got married and i believe i made the right choice....im happy and loving life....
id be more concerned about him not being interested to me that may sound a little dodgy....
at the end of the day only they know how they truly feel about each other....speak to your sister and she how she feels about the whole situation
2007-03-20 23:48:12 · answer #1 · answered by askaway 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should ALWAYS ask your self these questions. It is a huge decision, and you want to make sure it's the right one. Really, this is the rest of your life, you need to be able to sit down by yourself and say, "Do I love him? Can I live my life knowing he is going to be my ONLY, for the rest of my life?" As long as you can answer these questions honestly and you like the answer, it's only going to make the relationship stronger.
You say her fiance admitted originally it was her friend he wanted. Hey, that's okay, too. Love can be found in odd places... He "used to use girls a lot"; well, as long as it's past tense and your sister's okay with it, there's not much you can do. Also, most guys DON'T take much interest in the little plannings of the wedding. Tell them to show up, and when, and in what, they'll be there. Usually, their favorite part is the registering because they get to use the "gun." Is this true with all guys? No. Is it the case with her guy? I have no way of knowing.
As far as him proposing while he was drunk, if he already had the ring, or got a ring shortly after, he must have been planning it anyway.
The best thing you can do is take your sister aside and tell her you love her and support her no matter what her decisions in life are. Tell her she can talk to you about anything, and you will help her with anything. Don't mention that you don't think this wedding is for the best...you have no proof of that. Just let her know you will always be there for her.
2007-03-21 02:50:03 · answer #2 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all of us in relationships will at some stage have asked ourselves,Do I really love this person?"
I sat up all night the night before my wedding thirty years ago, asking myself these questions. I came to the conclusion that I was getting married for the reason that I didn't think anyone else would ever ask me, so I accepted the first guy who proposed. I knew I didn't love him; I knew he loved me; I figured it would be OK.
It wasn't OK.
We lasted 11 years; had four children; he could never understand why i married him. I knew within two weeks that it had been a mistake. But I worked hard at being a wife and a mum. The cracks began to show after a year or two.
Talk to your sister; tell her you acidentally saw the stuff she had been writing; I wonder did some part of her want it to be noticed?Ask her was she just sorting her head out or are there real doubts. If there is doubt in her heart, why can't the wedding be postponed? Give everyone time to think?
The bravest thing to do would be to call it off. It's much easier to go along with things, be swept along by the tide of excitement and arrangements, than to say "hey, hold on a minute here!"
A marriage is a solemnly binding contract in the eyes of the law; easy to get into ; much , much harder to get out of.
Go on, talk to her.
2007-03-20 23:58:15 · answer #3 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Questioning whether or not your ready for marriage is one thing. Questioning the exact thing which will bind you together, your love for each other, is entirely different. If you truly love someone, you should never have to question it. It's something you will feel every-time your around them or thinking about them. When talking to them on the phone, and a smile remains on your face. It's something you don't think about. . . You just know. I'd talk to your sister. Don't let her questions of "Do I really love him?" End up turning into "What have I done?"
The fact he is taking no interest in the wedding what-so-ever is a point of concern also. This event will tie two lives into one. It not only effect's her, but him as well. To me, it seems that he's just a long for the ride until something better comes along. I don't know your sister, nor her boyfriend. So please don't take this advice as iron clad. Just be cautious of the situation, sit your sister down and talk to her. Make sure this is truly what she wants. In the end, it's her life. Support her no matter what she decides.
2007-03-21 00:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you must question your Love. Believe it or not, a guy can change, and I have never met a woman who did not question her relationship.Being drunk does not mean you are lying, some people can not get the nerve up to ask a question that big without some "liquid courage".Time will tell. Besides, it's not like you can go to your sister and say "you can't marry him". She will still do it, and will be angry with you too. Lastly, a Large number of guys don't get involved in the we ding, they are scared/unsure about what to do. My little sister started planning her wedding back when she was only 10 years old. Every time her Fiancee made a slight suggestion, she shot it own in flames. They are still married after 15 years, yes she questioned her Love, and yes, he was a player before they met.
2007-03-21 00:02:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You havent mentioned how old they are??? But I presume your sister lives at home with you and your parents.
It could be that they are just taking the next step...which is marriage and really neither of them are sure, but your sister has gone along with it because of the excitement of the whole day and the grown up status of "being married".
On the other hand its really scary when you actually sit down and think this is it forever,even if you truly love the person.Its called being nervous!!-About the day,about leaving the family home etc.
OR Could it be you sister isnt sure of her bfs feelings towards her?.
Would be ideal if you could talk to her and tell her you are worried and that no one will mind if the wedding is delayed a bit.
2007-03-20 23:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a complicated situation....... personally, i don't think they should be getting married from what u have told us, it sounds like your sister is having doubts, and that her fiance doesn't really want to go through with it either ! if any guy proposed to me when he was drunk, i'd tell him to ask me again when he was sober ! the problem is that your sister & her fiance will probably feel like they are letting down all their friends and family if they don't go through with it... i had a cousin who did exactly the same thing - went through with marrying a guy because she was afraid of letting her parents down.... the marriage was a disaster, and they divorced as soon as they were able to. talk to your sister, tell her that u are worried about her, and remind her that u cannot put a price on happiness.... better to cancel the wedding and lose a bit of money than marry someone u are not sure u want to be with, and then have to go through a messy, expensive divorce... hope it all turns out for the best.
2007-03-20 23:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she just wrote down these things and has said "yes "in her mind.Only they know if they really love each other enough to commit themselves to marriage . It is a while yet to August so surely they will know for sure by then.Have a word with your sister and voice your concerns she might just reassure you that all is fine.I think everyone takes thought before the wedding as it's a big step,I know I did and have been happily married for 37 years.
2007-03-21 00:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by sanny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What truly is 'true love' ? If 'A' loved 'B' and 'B' did not or might want to no longer reciprocate the affection - then 'A' has been given the unique oppurtunity to trully love selflessly. yet now to not enable himself / herself be destroyed in love which isn't reciprocated. So, is love, Love at the same time as that's reciprocated? No, the question isn't even if love exists both in the course of or after seperation, yet earlier seperation. So then, if the answer is - No it did not and that's the reason there replaced right into a seperation; then stay existence by ability of giving freely love. Love, dont assume to be loved in go back. raise up your head, walk with dignity. Dont enable the international see your tears - No, no longer even the single which made you cry in the first position. i love the words of this music of Richard Marx - 'Slipping Away' "If time will practice me grace and also you to a more beneficial useful position Then i visit stay understanding it wasn't in ineffective It hurts a lot to understand at the same time as love ability letting bypass And no you may tell me that they have got felt my soreness" i respect the action picture - Bedazzled - The very last desire he makes, "enable her experience free". So, true love is once you will discover the single which you love chuffed - with or without you - how a lot ever it hurts or rips you aside - and nevertheless desire him / her happiness and recommend it. and not in any respect consider on even if true love existed. because true love does no longer Exist, it LIVES in YOU, interior you. God Bless you and desire you discover it in you to forgive your self and your companion and look ahead into the destiny.
2016-12-02 08:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by gureczny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't want to be mean he seems to have a bad reputation with the girls. You should really ask your sister does she want to go through with her wedding on the day. This is not right he chose your sister because she was an easy target and and was single her friend musta had a bf at the time when your so called brother in law in few months saw her did she .
2007-03-20 23:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like neither of them are ready for marriage if they are questioning how they feel about each other, thing is you had a nosey round your sisters things so you can't just come straight out with that and ask her how shes feeling can you, just make up some story about love and ask her what true love is, hopefully she will open up to you about her pending marriage and you can take things from there, I hope that whatever she decides its what she really wants and not just something to please others, better to give up now than be in a marriage that is unhappy, good luck and hope things work out.
2007-03-21 03:18:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋