My fiance and I have been together on and off for 5 yrs. now, share a house and a child together as well. ALthough he knew from the start that I used the drug meth on occasional use, he didn't know a thing about it (tell signs, effects etc.) and had never even tried it, he has always spoke very low of addicts. Any how we spent sometime (3yrs.) apart and during that time I became a heavy user and was addicted. Once we had gotten back together it was just after a long period after I had been sober. So when shortly after our reconciliation I had a relapse and didn't want to admit defeat and dissapoint him, so I chose not to. From there it just kept on happening although he has had suspicions everytime he would bring it up I would lie my *** off and him believe it. Now a year later my addiction is becoming unmanageable and I know I need professional treatment but I don't know how to break it to him & still have his support. Also I know he would try to take custody of son:( so any advice?
2007-03-20 23:05:34 · 7 answers · asked by foxydiva909 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can tell you have not made this decision to accept therapy lightly. I can also see that your child and your boyfriend are your major reason for taking this step. I believe that you have, however, left the most important reason for fighting this addiction out of the mix. The most important factor for getting your life together must be you.
Your boyfriend could leave you. You child could be taken away. These are tragic events to contemplate, I know. If they were to take place, it doesn't mean the end of the world. It just feels that way right now. If you get yourself clean, there is a very good chance that you could put your lives back together even if the worse did happen. If you allow it to break you, you are lost. Now that you have faced the worse case scenario, I think it would be wise to consider a more likely outcome.
Does your boyfriend love you as much as you love him? I bet he does. I also would go out on the limb far enough to say, he does not want to raise your child without you. Especially if you have given him someone he can believe in. This is the why I said you are the most important reason for kicking this.
You need to get some very important information to your boyfriend. Sometimes it is not easy to get through the nervousness... the fear... and have your thoughts come out like you would like. I would suggest that you sit down alone for a couple of hours and put your thoughts down on paper.
Start with how much you love your love your boyfriend and your child. Include the individual things that being a family has instilled in you. All of the pluses that strengthen your resolve. Now, Jot down what the meth has done to your life. The lies, the money... write down everything that getting off of the meth will remove from your life. Now, this is important, don't set yourself up for failure by making any promises that you actually can't be sure you can keep. Instead, write down the incentives that you have for carrying this through. Getting to watch your child grow up. Regaining the trust he once had in you...
The opposite of fear is faith. Can you convince yourself that you have enough faith in yourself to do this. If you can, you should be able to convince him that with his support and added strength, you have a very good chance to put this page in your life behind you. However, if he can't give you this help, you are still resolved to go through with rehabilitation and once you have completed it, you would still like to be as much a part of his life as he can see fit to allow as well as being the mother your child needs.
Now, go talk to him. Look at your notes to make sure you don't forget anything and above everything, tell the truth.
2007-03-21 00:06:28 · answer #1 · answered by terterryterter 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, isn't the first step admitting to yourself you have a problem? Congratulations. You are right to say it is unmanageable, if anyone thinks they can use occasionally they are deluded. Step up and tell him. There is no way of "gentle" news breaking with regard to this situation. You cant control his reaction but you can control what YOU do from this point. Hopefully he will support you at this time, and if he doesn't, work out your options for care of your child. Teach your child that drugs and addictions are not healthy and not to follow in your footsteps. Sadly it has come to this point, there are no guarantees he will be there beside you as all the lies you've told to this point, you need to release expectations of him and just go with the flow and earn his trust back slowly. All the best with your journey and may you succeed.
2007-03-20 23:32:16 · answer #2 · answered by kelstar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok firstly good for you for recognising you need help.
Secondly you cannot do this on your own, if he truly loves you and wants to be with you forever then he will help, i am not saying he is going to be fine with it after all you have lied to him for some time but he should be able to get over it and help support you. As for taking custody of your son, while you are recieving treatment would it not be better for your son if he was with his father but in an arrangement that the 2 of you have come to rather that getting courts involved.
Good Luck to you and I hope everything works out for you in the end.
2007-03-21 00:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always easy to say to someone, do this or that, but one's not really inside someone's problem. And you have a problem. In my opinion, you must think of yourself first, and realize that you are going down very deeply in a hole. The only way now is to start climbing again and get out of it. Besides, you should trust your mate and be truly to him. If you face truth, he will have some respect on you and will probably be on your side. If you keep on lying, he won't trust you any more. Whatever happens, you need to admit your problem, but you also need to be very strong to fight for yourself and leave your addiction.
Then, think of your son. Can you look in his eyes and see the sadness for his mother pain?
Go forward!
2007-03-20 23:38:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to a mental health counselor and have him or her to call him over for a meeting...but,tell all to the counselor that you want a change and the counselor will talk to your husband how you want to change and commit yourself as a mother and a loving wife..if,you think that a mental health counselor won't be comfortable for your husband..then,try asking a priest to talk to him..it is best to seek for them,cause your words might be to hard for your man to trust and accept....you HAVE nothing to loose but all to gain back and restore trust,plus family values if you seek help from anyone of them i typed...i am not saying your words is not good..but,seeking help will give confidence and secure to your husband that you can make the change for a better mother and WIFE :-) GOOD LUCK>>>>>SMILE :-)
2007-03-20 23:55:09 · answer #5 · answered by virgo7134 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that is the guy your going to be with, then ya gotta tell him and get clean. That's All I can say.
2007-03-20 23:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by Jack R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing is to admit you have a problem, you half way there to to recovery...Good luck to you, you can do this...Just think about your kiddo at home...
2007-03-20 23:40:51 · answer #7 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋