Irish Toast
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to
spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the
best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ya now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife"
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary"
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
time... I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
2007-03-20 22:49:34 · 39 answers · asked by Katey 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Wild life (The Tiger)
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to
consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a
confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with
him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get
something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a
second
time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are
you
doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service
to
get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"O yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more
time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the
phone
and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I thought I would call Tiger Woods to find out what the par is for
this hole."
2007-03-22 21:29:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahahahahha............. your right one of the best iv heard .... good on you ..10/10 ......................................... heres another 1 for you .............If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and
I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She
told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow
his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts
and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into
his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she
had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey,
you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't
listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some
Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
2007-03-21 04:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Finally, a joke worth telling this morning,..9/10
2007-03-20 22:55:15 · answer #3 · answered by zeroartmac 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Amazing Joke! Well worth a Star!!!!
2007-03-21 03:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
and the next time John was out with his drinking buddies they took the prize back.
Funny joke thank you
2007-03-20 22:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by its just a joke 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
loki likes 15/10 & a star
2007-03-20 23:25:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL Very good 10/10 and a star from me!
2007-03-20 22:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ahem!...u no?...theres a similar joke 2 this...2 wives r talking...n 1 asks da other how long it had ben since she had...so the other wife lifted the skirt and there were cobwebs all there...but ur joke was also gud!haha
2007-03-20 22:54:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Very good
2007-03-20 22:53:13 · answer #9 · answered by McQ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does it for me, ding dong, 10/10 +star
2007-03-21 00:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by newciderman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋