My best friends and her ex just got back. They went through alot of **** in the past where she was disrespected, cheated on and lied to. The extent to which he told everyone that he never wanted a relation. When she started dating someone else he came back running and promised her he had changed. Her love for him made her go back to him. She says he is being the best boyfriend she could have and the complete opposite of everything he wasnt. However what astonishes me is the fact that although everything is perfect according to her she doesnt want to tell anyone in the world. The fact that their parents met according to her and agreed to a wedding she still wants to hide it from everyone. Am a little concerned. What does one gather from the situation. Her explanation is that she doesnt want to jinx it by telling ppl anything. I love her like a sister and no its not my place to interfer in her life but being concerned is normal. Please give me ur opinion? Would really appreciate it
2007-03-20 22:27:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hmm. it is a little weird how she wants to keep it a secret. but maybe nothing's wrong and she just doesn't want anyone to know until she was sure they were going to get married. if something wrong happened again, she wouldn't have to face everyone gossiping about her. i can sort of understand why she wants to keep it a secret. right now, i'm keeping my relationship a secret as well. we broke up once before but we're back together again. this time, i decided to keep our relationship a secret because i didn't really like it when everyone knew the first time we went out. i just like to have my privacy. maybe that's how your best friend is feeling. but if you're really concerned, you should gently bring it up and ask her if there's a reason why she's keeping her relationship a secret. good luck! i hope i helped=)
2007-03-20 22:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by heartiful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you're worried, you're a good friend. But in my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. If I were her, I wouldn't have given him a second chance. How did he mistreat her? Did he physically/mentally abuse her in any way? Sometimes we develope feelings for the wrong person, and we can't let go. Something makes your friend love her boyfriend, even though he has mistreated her. In her boyfriend's case, there are two options for what he is feeling. A, he really loves your friend, and couldn't bare seeing her with someone else, so he persued her again. Or B, he feels possessive over her, and feels she shouldn't be allowed with any other man. If he's "changed", though, you can only hope he has changed. If everything is perfect, and she's not telling anyone about it, then chances are that everything is really not perfect but she wants to believe it is. If they are a young couple, and he has mistreated her in any way, it's probably because he grew up around the mistreatment of women, and therefore displays the same thoughts and actions. That's a difficult situation to be in for your friend, because men like that are hard to change. You should hang out with the two of them for a day or so, and see how he treats her. If he's genuinely being sweet to her, then maybe he really has changed. But if it seems that it is an act, you need to sit your friend down and talk to her, and tell her you're concerned for her well-being. If she knows you're a real friend, she'll take your advice.
2007-03-20 22:41:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in the same situation once. I told my friend to dump the guy but she had a different opinion. She was stuck up on him. Suddenly one day the guy realized what he was doing wrong and they have been a happy couple for a long time now. I would say, not to interfere. Even though it feels like the guy is incapable of change, he just might have!!!
2007-03-20 23:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by Deepest Blue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person does not change overnight. He can keep up the act until the wedding is over, but once he has her where he wants her, he will go back to his innate nature, by lying cheating, and disrespecting her.
Been there done that. I am idvorced now.
2007-03-20 22:36:23 · answer #4 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he really changed because he saw her dating with another guy. He understood that she is not his property and that he can loose her if he disrespects her. If now everything seems to be perfect but you still have doubts you shouldnt force your friend to do what you think she should. Just keep an eye on him and if he'll try to harm her in future you can stick up for her.
peace :)
2007-03-20 22:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by A Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's all a temporary act and it will all crumble soon after he's got her in the bag.
People can't change themselves that drastically. Especially not without long term therapy or major intervention. Being an a**hole is in his personality and is part of who he is. It's going to come out sometime.
2007-03-20 22:33:37 · answer #6 · answered by Snow White 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You looked up to her as"sis" than you should stand up and have a one to one personnel talk. Go to somewhere no want can disturb you and have a heart to heart talk. I sense that she just can't let it go as she love his ex... maybe worry of failure in life.
Try to go slow and talk to her alone ,if you can find the chance.but beware not to the extend of overboard on her... good luck friend
2007-03-20 22:36:17 · answer #7 · answered by jast s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once he gets her back for good(married), he will go back to his old ways. No one changes over night.
2007-03-20 22:32:19 · answer #8 · answered by rwhz199 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to deal with something close to that... What I did talk to her about everything he did to hurt her and things they didnt agree with. But dont do it in a accusing him way.. show her your concerned and talk to her
2007-03-20 22:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by js95116 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u better give her time and maybe ask her parents about it or you can confront his boyfriend if he really loves your friend she really needs you know ur the only one who can understand her feelings...
2007-03-20 22:39:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋