i have been dating my beau for the last 5 months, i had a feeling something was going on but put it down to our age gap (i am 24 he is 44) finally the truth has reared its head. Of course the situation is pretty complicated, he was living with a woman for 3 years, they broke up and had only just (literally within the week) gotten back together when we met. My boyfriend says he has wanted to tell me several times but didn't want to hurt me, he insists that he is going to break up with his partner (they don't reside together now) and he wants me to be his one and only. He says he always feels horribly guilty when he is with her instead of me but doesn't feel bad about what he is doing to her and doesn't plan on telling her about me when they break up. The trouble is I have fallen for him so hard, and he treats me so beautifully. I have only had very violent and controlling boyfriends previously and am really enjoying my time with him. What should I do? should i set him a timeframe?
2007-03-20 21:18:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is treating you beautifully, NOW. There was probably a time when he treated her like that, too.
You know he lied to her, he'll lie to you.
You're only 24, right now there are lots of guys who would think you were great. Don't waste your life on this loser!
2007-03-20 21:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by Plain and Simple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you find out? Why did he finally tell you what you wanted to hear???
He may have been "nicer" than the previous abusers but lying is still a form of abuse and if he can do this now, his abusive character will manifest itself at one point of another later, you can be sure.
If he was a man worth his salt, he would not have gone back with her in the first place and if he's so happy with you, he wouldn't have taken 5 months to tell you about her. Or was it you that discovered and he was more or less obligated to admit the truth? You're not telling everything here and already I feel like you are protecting him in his abuse, which is what women (victims) always do. Be strong and drop him as though he were a hot potato in your hand. He will burn you as surely as the others did. You seem to have all the signs of a co-dependant person and should seek help to find out why you attract these types of men in your life and or why they are attracted to you. You'll discover a pattern. "If you don't get it right the first time, you are condemned", they say, "until you do".
Find out what makes you tick in a man and why and then you may be protected from fraudulous abusers. Remember that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, acts like a duck and loves rain like a duck, damn it, it is a duck.
This whole thing began on a weak and damaged foundation and you won't stand a chance in hell of being happy with him, not permanently anyway. You're the next one he'll be doing it to and then at least, someone else will be "the other woman". I think you deserve better. Don't you??? If you're thinking long-term, that is...
2007-03-21 04:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Teri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only are you the other woman, but your the rebound! Plus your much younger! How sweet. So, lets get this straight, so you can really see it for what it is. You jerk bf was with someone for 3 years, NOT 3 months, they broke up for 1 week, NOT 1 month, he already got with you! BUT the jerk still took her back! He's been bedding down with both of you! I guess that means you both are sloppy seconds right? Now, the best part, 5 months later-not 1 month but 5 months, he decides to tell you he has been a bad boy, and is going to tell the OLDER gal he wants to break up. And you actually want to know if you should set a time frame???? Your how old? 12?
2007-03-21 04:32:27 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee - I bet you still arent getting the truth out of him. I am sorry to be so blunt here but I cant stand any guy doing this. Just bear in mind everything he is telling you I have no doubt he is telling her, the guilt stuff, the break up stuff, as long as he isnt married (at his age he should be - controversial I know but think CHRONIC BATCHELOR AND CHRONIC PLAYER) - I would dump him so fast. Take yourself 3 yrs ahead - say it works out ok, he loses the other woman and stays with you, isnt your trust already gone? I have no doubt he will cheat on you, later... Sorry he is gone! I hope you realise no matter how good he treats you, he is cheap.
2007-03-21 04:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by gudsport 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you sister!
I think you should totally give him a timeframe to commit one way or the other - but you absolutely must stay strong and true to the timeframe, no matter what he decides to do!
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2007-03-21 04:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest if has been cheating on you now, he will forever cheat on you. Don't trust him and move on. Your only 24, you've plenty of time ahead of you to find that one and only.
How can you say he treats you so beautifully, he's been lying to you!
2007-03-21 04:24:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a an enjoyable time with someone else there are plenty of men in the world.
2007-03-21 04:39:22 · answer #7 · answered by Bud#21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it looks like he wants to feel young again, how long will he be able to keep up with you ? and he didn't tell you the truth to start with, this guy could only hurt you deeper than the previous relations you had. be careful :)
2007-03-21 04:25:25 · answer #8 · answered by Sahar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he did it to her he is more than likely going to do the same thing to you. Dump him and move on. No guy is worth that. He will get bored with you like he did her and he will move on again. Better to get a guy that likes mystery.
2007-03-21 04:22:57 · answer #9 · answered by Alicia E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is cheating on someone else, he'll do it to you too. His lies are too much already, and unless you are a drama queen, you should leave him immediately.
Unless you're a drama queen who sets out to have this kind of situation you deserve better.
Find a better guy
2007-03-21 04:24:05 · answer #10 · answered by fromorto12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋