Okay, here is the situation. My husband is an older man, with four grown kids from his previous marriage. I have wanted kids my entire life. I love children, and having my own was just something that felt right. He had had a vasectomy, and when I found out, I was devastated. However, he knew how much having my own children meant to me, and so he went under the knife again to get it reversed. We now have a nine-month-old son. Here is where my question comes in: Is it selfish of me to ask him for another after our little guy is a couple years old? My husband didn't want more kids, but he sacrificed for me and now he is in love with and completely devoted to our son. He actually cries sometimes just watching him play because he says he is such a miracle. I want two children of my own, but is it my turn to sacrifice now, and accept that I will only have my one beautiful boy? What do you think? Serious answers only, please. Thanks in advance!!!!
2007-03-20 20:55:53 · 20 answers · asked by Lady Thompson 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Yes, he let me know long before we got married that he had had a vasectomy. It is just that we knew we were going to get married practically from our first date, and I was torn between the man I loved with all my heart and the children I had wanted all my life. In addition, we have talked about this some, and we haven't really reached a conclusion. I wanted to know what other people thought about our situation--I am hoping it will help us decide what to do. Thanks to everyone who has already answered! :)
2007-03-20 21:09:15 · update #1
If one makes him so happy, why wouldn't he be twice as happy with two? I wouldn't wait for two years..I feel one year is enough. Why should you have to give up your dream of two kids. It is not an unreasonable number to have. And if he is older, who's to say that you wont end up raising them alone? Did he tell you BEFORE the wedding about the vasectomy? If not, perhaps he owes you the other child as a great big Sorry gift? He was very giving in going through the reversal for you. He must love you a lot. Sounds like your marriage is the miracle..I envy you. God bless.
So, he did tell you long before you married. But was it long before you fell in love with him? He loves you, that is for sure. When he sees your happiness with your one child, surely he will want to give you even more happiness. How old is he? I ask because both my dad and my husband died at age 59. I think two kids ,born within a year of each other, help each other grow up. I only had one, and he was very lonely and longed for a brother or sister. Not much help, but gives you some thing else to take into consideration, the question of only children.
2007-03-20 21:10:01 · answer #1 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and talk to him about what your feelings are and ask him what his are. He loves his son but he may have his own reasons for not wanting another child or he may not want another child period. If both of you agree then go for it. Explain your feelings, but do not put his on the back burner. If you have a beautiful baby boy and together it is decided to not have another, look at the miracle you already have. If he does not want another do not make him feel bad because of it, but you don't have to put your or his feelings on a back burner. Perhaps the two of you could consider adoption if it becomes an issue. I would say the only way to know is to ask him how he feels.
21 weeks with baby girl
2007-03-20 21:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to work out the situation together. Having children is a joint decision. None needs to sacrifice for it. He sounds like a nice man and I'm sure he'll understand but you have to have a quite chat about it. Let him know how much this means to you and then make the decision. Its going to be your boths decision and nobody here can tell you how many kids you should have. It matters with a lot of situations like money matters and how you'll take care of so may children adn are you both ready for it.
2007-03-21 01:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by Shanu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband obviously loves you very much. Talk to him, tell him your feelings and ask him for his. Discuss it. You never know he may have changed his mind again. If he hasn't respect that, but make sure having only one child is something you can live with. You don't want to wake up 15 years down the road with regrets and resent one another. However if your husband is quite a bit older he may not want to wait if you do decide to have another baby. Good Luck.
2007-03-20 21:11:01 · answer #4 · answered by candy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if it's ok with him to try for another child. Tell him your reasons why you want another and don't get defensive if he gets upset or anything. It was really good of him to reverse his procedure so you could have kids of your own. If he doesn't want more kids, respect his decision and just enjoy the miracle you were able to have because of his sacrifice.
2007-03-20 21:01:05 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I only know what the Bible says about birth control. Your husband sounds like such a good man, why wouldn't he want to have many children to carry on? Talk to him and thank God every day and night for your blessings and never take your blessings for granted.
2007-03-20 21:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your husband sounds like a great man
i think you should have another
but this is something that the 2 of you have to decide together i hope you 2 work it out and it makes you both happy
2007-03-20 21:40:51 · answer #7 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him, telling him that you want anoher child may work out b/c he already has grown children that don't seem so dependent on him and if he truly get joy from watching your son maybe he wants more kids now too :o)
2007-03-20 21:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's unfair of you to want another of your own. God will provide a way if you truly love each other and you love the lord. Many women who don't want children are having them every day, like having promiscuous sex, etc. I think it's sad when someone wants to have a child the way God intended and faces problems, like women who are unable.
2007-03-20 21:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you think you want a second child, then talk to your husband im sure he will understand, and it isnt selfish to want another after your son is 2 years old, i think its bout right! Gd luck with everything
2007-03-20 21:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by Zoe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋