Ive met a wonderful,spiritual,& kind man, but after his last relationship ended harshly, he spoke with his pastor& decided to make a pact with god, that he'd focus more on god by not dating for a year.(hes 4months in) We've hung out as strictly friends,but as more& more time goes by we have devoloped feelings that we cannot express completly due to this pact. (were both abstin. and waiting till marraige)
Things were too heated when we were alone so we decided not to be alone in his room, or have as much physicial contact (i.e- back massages ect)Now it feels like were just..there.Not really "friends"...not dating..just around each other.I dont know if hes just guarding his heart or what b/c he seems very distant since we made that pact.He tells me that he really cares for me & i really feel that he does. To see the person you want to be with everyday but you cant have them..its hard.Ive prayed about it alot lately but would really like some advice from some christians out there.Thanks.
2007-03-20 20:53:41 · 9 answers · asked by American Muslimahhh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am glad to hear that you are friends with this man. He made this pact-a contarct agreement with God, he has 8 months more to go. Please, keep respecting his pact. Plus, maybe for awhile, get together at church, and go out to places in groups of four or more-like bowling, etc. Or even to dinner, lunch, etc. Plus, the Bible does tell us to guard our hearts.It also tells us to resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Please don't put yourself in places of being tempted. Being friends is what you are at this point, and cannot go further, until that year is up. If you two still have problems, seek pastor's advice. but truly, best to keep in groups. I am sure that this man does care for you, and you for him. Please take it a day at a time, and keep in prayer about this too. To have His strength, etc. on this. I truly wishyou two the best on this. Take care. And, God bless you.
2007-03-20 21:03:48 · answer #1 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a Christian and I respect the idea of his making this pact with God, and it's a great idea not to seek a relationship for a year while he gets his head together.
But it seems like he still wants a relationship, just no responsibilities. Instead he's putting the responsibility on you. He kind of wants to keep you on hold, but with no committments from him. That isn't really what he agreed to in his pact.
If you're interested in him, give him your phone number and have him call you when he's ready. Then if you're still available, you can get together.
2007-03-20 21:12:33 · answer #2 · answered by Plain and Simple 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you know if I go to a cafe and get a meal that ended harshly,I don't decide it's time to go on a fast. Maybe that is why you came along. God gets no glory of people being alone...Genesis. God gets no glory out of people making pacts. If anything the Bible tells you not to make promises... enjoy life, it has enough burdens coming in the tomorrows as it is.
Maybe you two ought to get engaged...God gets more glory out of christian pacts....other people call weddings.
2007-03-20 21:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be his friend. Pray that what happened to him will not hinder you guys. If it is meant to be God will speak to his heart. One thing I have prayed when I have felt like that is God take our hearts. They are in your hands. If it is meant to be God will make sure it will be. You can e-mail me if you want. I know the feeling. I prayed that prayer about a friend of mine and we are just better friends. Just keep him in your prayers everyday and God will answer. Maybe God wants the two of you to be closer to him. Also read Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. Great book for this kind of situation.
2007-03-20 21:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he doesn't want you as the rebound girl, what is wrong with that? If he just got out of a relationship, especially one that ended badly, it takes time to get over that. I know its hard to have to see them a lot and not be able to say/do what you want, but keep up the faith and hopefully things work out for the best!
2007-03-20 21:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by ppodjames 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As you are both Christian, maybe I can remind you that your bodies are God's temple and also in one of the ten commandments, you shall not covet your neighbours goods (which also means the body). With these in mind, I hope you get the meaning and may God bless you!
2007-03-20 21:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by happy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to respect his wishes. It is very admirable that he has such a strong will. Just think... if he ever makes a promise to you, he is much more likely to keep it.
2007-03-20 21:01:05 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've heard of men and women not having sex until marriage, but this one is just bizarre.
2007-03-20 20:59:01 · answer #8 · answered by Phillip 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know *exactly* what you are feeling when you talked about how you're not really 'friends', but you aren't dating, you're just there with each other. I'm in that situation right now, or rather I'm coming out of that situation. Another similarity, my guy and I both are Christians who have decided to wait until marriage and therefore keep things very chaste in general. However, in the year and half that I've known him, I've never heard a thing about him making a pact with God not to date for a year.
If you had asked this question about two weeks ago, I'd have said "I haven't a clue, all I can do is wish you the best of luck." But, the Sunday before last, some things came up and a story about his past was told by a friend who (unknowingly) put this guy in a very dangerous position. By all means, I should have been pissed at him (that would have seemed to be the normal reaction) but I found myself with a complete lack of hurt feelings. I realized that I trusted and loved him too much to worry about something like that from his past because it was just that, a part of his past and no longer his present. That seemed to make all the difference.
The change was immediate; he went from a bit distant (that certain boundary I'm sure you know about, where you feel he's keeping you at arm's length as if for protection or something) and passive, to quite literally wanting to spend as much time as he could talking with me and expressing his feelings in such an unmistakable way that he didn't have to come right out a directly state exactly what he felt for me to know. It would suffice to say that the relationship has been growing in leaps and bounds since then, as if making up for lost time after staying in that odd sort of limbo for so long.
The point of my story: your guy probably has strong feelings for you, but feels the need to hold back for various reasons. He claims that his reasons are spiritual, but I have a feeling that he's hiding the true reason behind faith (faith being something that you can't really argue about, as it feels very wrong to say that devoting oneself to God is not the right thing to do in a certain situation.) Him devoting himself to God is a virtuous action, but I feel that his reasons are off track and that spiritually, it's not the right move for him. He needs time to recover from his last relationship and regain his confidence.
The best advice I can give is to have patience and give him your support and acceptance. Even if it seems obvious to you, make sure you continue to prove to him that it is okay to trust you and that he can in fact depend on you. I think part of the reason things have been taking off for me and my guy is that he finally came to the conclusion that it's all right for him to show weakness in front of me, since I don't think of him as any less of a guy or find him unattractive.
The fact that his ego doesn't take a big hit when he shows weakness seems to make him a whole more comfortable around me and he's really opened up to me. He doesn't outright voice his feelings (which is fine by me when it's not on a critical subject where communication needs to be crystal clear), but we've come to have almost our own language where we can talk about delicate subjects without the vulnerability of speaking in completely open terms.
The pain that he had from his last relationship hit him very hard, but the bonding (it's the best way I know how to describe it) that's happened since the Sunday before last seems to have helped open to door to recovery. It seemed like one of the things he needed all along was a safe place in this world where he didn't have to fear rejection and he knew he could confidently place all his trust. It would seem to me that your guy is in need of similar support, and that the best thing you can do is provide that support until he 1) finally realizes that that support is there and the extent of said support, and 2) acts on that support and lets you all the way into his life.
Have patience, and continue to pray. God will answer your prayers, though you musn't give up hope if it doesn't happen as soon as you'd like. The world runs on God's time, not yours, and He'll provide for you when the time is just right, not before, not after. Don't be deterred by this but I ended up waiting on my guy for about 9 months, but when things finally broke through, I cannot begin to explain the sheer joy I felt. While there were certainly times when I felt like giving up, it really did pay off in the end to keep faith that God will come through in the end.
As a side note, about two weeks ago, right before everything took off, I was ready to give up on my guy. I had been waiting for 9 months after all, and still wasn't getting anywhere. I needed something, and it just didn't seem like he was going to be the one to give it. One day, I decided it was time to move on. However, that night, I had a dream. I heard my guy's voice on the answering machine telling me that we were through, that it was never going to happen, that he just wanted me out of his life completely. I remember coming to tears in my dream and feeling like I might as well just die right then and there because anything would be better than the pain.
Randomly, this lady for the church where I babysit on Sundays showed up and began talking to me. I didn't hear all of what she said, but one sentence rang out loud and clear: "Do not doubt, for it is not of the Lord." I thought she was chastising me for doubting, but I realized later that it was a warning not to believe that voice, and to cast away my doubts in my guy. I woke up feeling very shaken and still an emotional wreck, but not four hours after I woke up, I received an email from my guy that marked part of the beginning to the big turn around. The moral of this story: have faith, and listen for what God is telling you. Never close your heart, and never close your eyes.
I apologize for being so long-winded, and wish you the best of luck. Things will work out in the end! God bless =)
2007-03-20 21:36:10 · answer #9 · answered by V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋