Ok, here's the situation: my boyfriend is coming to visit me in a few weeks and we're going to visit some of his relatives who reside where I do. Well, about 17 years ago, I messed around with his aunt's stepson at a party who at that time was a married man and I didn't know it. My boyfriend let me know from jump that my past is my past and he wouldn't judge me from that - however, I'm not sure how he would handle that. I really want this relationship to work. He, like most people, is big on honesty and I'm just praying that this doesn't get out. Sooo, should I just bring it up and explain to him what happened, or just simply say nothing and if someone in the family says something, then explain? I don't like the idea of withholding anything from him, but I also feel that some things should just remain untold being that it was so many years ago and I was a teen. Also, he doesn't know that I'm aware know that he's associated with this guy.
I would appreciate your opinions
2007-03-20 19:23:05 · 17 answers · asked by answersbyme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he says the past is the past, then he means it. There is no reason to drudge out and pull all your skeletons out of the closet. Not reliving painful or embarrassing experiences isn't "withholding" information. Seriously, do you know every minute detail about his past? Probably not, because everyone is allowed to have their secrets.
Just because you don't want to talk about something does not mean that it is lying. Don't be nervous about it, it is something that you can't change. You only have the ability to control the present so simply "let go", worrying about it will not change it. Realize that you are suffering over something you simply have no power over. If it does come up explain it, he has already told you how he feels, and seems like a genuinely understanding person.
2007-03-20 19:25:39 · answer #1 · answered by Waddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is big in concept but not always practical. If some child were ask you: Am I ugly? (and the fact is that the child is very unattractive) What you say? Of course you would not tell the truth.
There are some things left in the past. No need to drag them out now and ruin or hurt something. The fooling around happened a long time ago and I would let it rest.
2007-03-20 19:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by bigjohn B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are pretty scared of anyone bringing it up. I personally think the guy is very honest about things and well he knows that the past is past but i guess i do agree to explain something to him. It haunts you and you're terrified that it would come up. I am sure your boyfriend is a really cool person but personally i guess tell him first therefore it wont be a surprise to him when he finds the truth. I think he'll take it really well since its part of the past. Although if its been a long time again i personally think just leave it, if its too long to even say anything about i personally think that its coool. Sorta doubt it'll come out of the closet. It really depends on how long ago the incident happened.
2007-03-20 19:40:43 · answer #3 · answered by azn_wiz2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that with it being 17 years ago, I wouldn't bring it up because it may cause more harm than good. I mean did the wife of the man know about it? If not, that could pose an even bigger problem for them. If it was a year ago or even five, I would say something. Just let it go and if someone mentions it, just explain it - seems like he would understand. If he slept with someone related to your family member that long ago, wouldn't you understand?
2007-03-20 19:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by mistyerious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would mention something about doing something you're not proud of when you were younger but don't specifically say anything about that guy. It's very unlikely that he will tell his family how he cheated on his wife with you when you were a teen and if the story comes from you it might blow up in everyone's face. If the whole story does come out, your boyfriend will have just gone through the whole "that was then, I love you no matter what" speech, so he should be ready to prove it.
2007-03-20 19:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kuji 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was a long time ago, it wouldn't matter except that he's liable to be around those people now. Someone will probably remember you, and say something, like you're thinner (you wish!) or your hair is different or something, and then he'll wonder what happened.
You don't need forgiveness--you weren't committed to him when it happened so you didn't harm him, but if you try to cover it up your new boyfriend will know he's missing something and think you're covering up more than you really are!
2007-03-20 19:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by Plain and Simple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eih i understand how you feel, and the thing that is holding you back is the fear that your boyfriend will not accept who you are if he'll know about it..you know first forgive yourself on doing things like that..you're young and very interested..but what matters most is that you learned from that mistake and take the lesson..everybody commit mistakes and sins..then you need to talk to your boyfriend and explain everything..don't cover up your mistakes, accept it and tell him that you're a change person now..and if he accepts whatever past you have then he's really into you..though your past it not the whole you..you're past is the reason why you're a better person now..don't regret it..accept it because it a part of you..that's you..and those experiences were the best teachers..tell him and be honest with him..
2007-03-20 19:40:39 · answer #7 · answered by queen_maan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has agreed that the past is the past. There is no need to bring up anything that would make him feel awkward around his family. If it does come up later, tell him that is was a horrible mistake you made way before you knew him. Tell him that the reason you did not bring it up was because you had both agreed to keep the past left behind. You did not see the necessity of dredging up history that might make him uncomfortable around his family.
2007-03-20 19:34:13 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where u with ur bf 17 years ago? how will u feel if u meet the woman he was having sex with 17 years ago what is in the past is in the past and 17 years ago is way in the past .. u have to let it go first... unless u still messin around with ur anuts stepson
2007-03-20 19:32:09 · answer #9 · answered by chance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is the past. However the future is now. Tell him. If it gets out in a year then it will be a big deal to him. You will feel better knowing that the past can't come to bite you in the ***.
2007-03-20 19:28:32 · answer #10 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋