My husband and I did not speak to his parents for 16mths. We just started talking to them again. Anyway to get to the point my husband on our first visit gave the $25 because they had no money then he gave the a further $20 then a fridge then a wasing machine. Then my car I now have a car that i do not like But then he offers to pay the registration on the car he gave them when it runs out. He is now lending them $200 to help them move house. I am all for helping people but what the we have two children to support ourselvs. I can't stand that if I say anything to him he makes me sound selfish. Are his parents taking advantage of his kindness or am i really selfish. Thanks for your honist answers.
2007-03-20 19:03:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Your husband probably feels obligated, as he is their son. But what your in-laws and husband need to understand is that he has his own family that he needs to support also.
2007-03-20 19:09:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not suffering hardship because of his generosity, then let him do it. Did they ask for the help? or does your husband have a deep seated reason that compels him to give them cash? I say give because you should not expect it to be paid back. Never loan what you can not afford to give.. Perhaps hubby just wants to prove to his parents that he is better than they are, or expected him to turn out? Giving is never really wrong, the more you give, the more you will receive. Give without remembering, and take without forgetting. Good luck. Talk to your husband about his real reasons for giving so much after so long a break. Pick a time when it is calm and nonthreatening to him..like in bed. Start by telling him how it makes you feel. Are there other sisters or brothers, of hubby's< how do they feel? about the loans? and about the parents? There is so many things to consider here, but ,I feel, only your husband knows the answers. But, for good or not, know that you are both better people for helping, I just hope he knows that he can't buy love or forgiveness. Good luck.
2007-03-20 20:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that only they know for sure whether they are taking advantage of your generosity.
You should never offer more than you can afford to lose, even if the money is considered a loan (which I gather from your saying your husband is "lending" them the money to move).
We've had to help my mother in law out a lot more since my father in law died last year. We too have given her a car and paid to register it. One of her other children has paid her yearly P.O. Box fees, and another one brings her groceries semi-regularly. Before my FIL died all three kids had lent him $5000 so they wouldn't lose their farm. But my in-laws were never wasteful with their money, they just never made much money.
I guess that my only advice is just to talk things over with your husband and try to set limits for how much you are able to do for them.
2007-03-20 19:14:36 · answer #3 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing the full story, I think you're right to be concerned. Perhaps you can talk to your husband and explained that you are worried he is being taken advantage of; that your concern isn't about the money, but about his feelings and respectability.
2007-03-20 19:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by LadyJag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a little money to help out is one thing but putting them above you and giving them your stuff (car) is wrong. you should not have to settle for less just cause he feels guilty. i wouldnt care what he called me. it is wrong and you have every right to put your foot down and say that is enough. he needs to put you and the kids first. i agree with the one that says something doesnt sound right. you need to try to find out if you need to get your kids away before you wind up in trouble too
2007-03-20 19:17:58 · answer #5 · answered by wlfbelcher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for them to have nothing, they obviously are into some shady buisness that made you not speak for a year or so? I would tell him to be careful about the money that is being handed to them... I am all for helping people, but my inlaws were into shady buisness (MIL and step FIL, but my MIL just died, so we no longer see the Step FIL) and I would give them food, but no money. They did stuff that I didnt want my money going for.
2007-03-20 19:09:51 · answer #6 · answered by Bl3ss3dw1thL1f3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
his parents should not expect to live off their son. they should have jobs and take care of themselves not expect others to pay for it you arent selfish they are
2007-03-20 19:12:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like it
sounds like your hubby needs to learn to say no
2007-03-20 19:11:28 · answer #8 · answered by squeaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋