I'm 38 and live with my niece(age 12).She had been having sex with a boy from another state(when we were at our Christmass holiday) and she told me about that 2 days ago,because she found out she's pregnant.She is entering the 4th month and her belly has changed a bit(I thought she is just eating more).She doesn't know the boy.I told her she will go through the whole pregnancy(to punish her for having sex at 12) and now she is angry and refuses to go out of her room.Is it just a stage which will pass soon or what?I know she needs understanding etc. and I give them to her but she also has to experience the consequences of her choices.Is she angry just because of the pregnancy hormones?How should I treat her?
P.S. don't offer councelling,as her closest relative I think I can manage something like that,just give me appropriate advice.
2007-03-20 18:55:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
first of all at this stage she has to go through with it, because she is in the second trimester. secondly i think that you should try to help her act more grown up so that she will be more mature about this. now that its all out in the open dont coddle her and treat her like a baby force her to be responsible but dont put her down. be supportive and help her figure out how not to be self destructive in the future. good luck and hopefully there are some females in the house besides her to help her through this
2007-03-20 19:02:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you've WAY over stepped the limit of cruel and unusual!
Have you had kids? Do you remember what it was like to be pregnant? Your name suggests your a man, if so, do you have the slightest idea what pregnancy is like??
Her body may or may not be able to handle a pregnancy. She could be forced to have a c-section if she is able to carry to term. Not to mention that she could be expelled from school depending on the school. This will also likely mean the loss of most all of her friends for MANY years....
You are ridiculous. She is not angry because of hormones, she is angry because you are outrageous! You are forcing her into something that could be life threatening and goes beyond the idea of life altering. Did you think that perhaps she was to young to fully understand what it MEANS to have sex? Innocence and ignorance is a likely plea here.
As her closest living relative she perhaps was looking for more love, help and guidance than what you gave. You're forcing her to see children as punishment, perhaps that is how she thinks you see her.
She is legitimately angry at you, hurt, humiliated and utterly destroyed.
If I were in that situation at that age and had that much concern shown to me when I told the truth about it... I honestly might have become suicidal.
The last time I checked, DNA had no bearing on expertise.
She is pretty much right at the limit of being able to have an abortion. Even if that was not what you wanted to happen, did you think that perhaps you didn't need to say she was giving birth whether she liked it or not? Perhaps you could have hugged her, told her to take the next day off school and taken her to a doctor and a councillor.
YOU need to fix this, not her.
She is probably thinking that if you were her mother, you'd love her enough to be nice to her.
Before she checks herself in with child services, go to her, talk to her. Tell her you're angry and why. Ask her why she didn't tell you sooner what was going on. Tell her what is to come and how you're going to help her through this. Tell her she is NOT alone. Tell her you love her no matter what.
I hope that is enough. More than half of prengnacy is being mentally prepared. Before I was pregnant I was about 100 lbs. I'm not 117 llbs and STILL have weight to gain. It is physically, emotionally and mentally demanding to carry all that weight... and that is the least of it...
2007-03-21 02:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by Noota Oolah 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do:
1.give her a bunch of alcohol durring the pregnancy
2.beat her up while you're at it
3.when the baby comes out give it a few solid shakes for good measure
Yup I think that'll teach her. Scum like you shouldn't be allowed to raise children, forcing a 12 year old carry that burden is sick. I really hope Karma finds it's way back to you.
2007-03-21 04:27:34 · answer #3 · answered by hiller128 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me get this streight, YOU are punishing her for having sex and getting pregent by making her go through with the whole pregnancy.?
WTF!!!
So she is living with you and you are the 'parent' and YOU are the one that is suppose to be teaching her and guiding her and helping her learn about life.? RIGHT!
Do you also need to take blame in some of this. ?
You need to grow up and maybe have her move out of your house and into a better one that will help her and care for her and make sure everything is ok with her while she is pregnent.
2007-03-21 02:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel that at this age you should seriously rethink your approach. Youre not just punishing her for say slipping out of her room, this is a life altering event and you should go over all options with her. Abortion, adoption, keeping it etc... Planned parenthood in your area can help you with talking to her about this or they will provide counceling or referrals for it. Please be open minded she is still a child even if shes doing adult things.
2007-03-21 02:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she'll get over it
btw her hormones will be worse than just preggy horomones due to her age
start treating her like more of an adult since she's all of a sudden made herself one
get her some experience with baby's and children so it will be easier for her to decide whether or not to keep it (if your willing to help i suggest keeping it)
get her a good sonnogram so she can see her baby
there is a place called choices that deal with this situation way to much they should be be able to help
http://www.choicesmc.org/
1-800-879-7451
this place is only in wichita but should be able to refer you elsewhere
all services through choices are free
2007-03-21 02:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by squeaker 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you are doing the right thing. it might be controlling but it was her fault she made the decision. though about her being angry, she is 12, and she is female, not to be rhetorical, but that is the attitude they have at that age, (i know first hand from my younger sister who is 12). though it is difficult, pushing her towards responsibility is the right thing to do. down the road she will thank you for it.
to many teens go unchecked in the area of guardian control/ responsibility.
2007-03-21 02:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by emren 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
wow you are a control freak.
2007-03-21 02:10:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
turn her and the child over to cps as soon as you can please
2007-03-21 05:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋