I need some suggestions on getting a 5 yr old to listen..?

Question

It seems like everytime i ask her to do something or i tell her its time to go to bed she just ignores me.. Today she rolled her eyes at me for the first time and all that did was made me even more mad.. Tonite I am so stressed out becuz she is not wanting to listen and I dont know how to get her too.. Spanking does nothing.. She doesnt like time out but in her case she'd be there all day.. I have a 2 month old that hears me yellin at her all the time and I dont want her to have to hear that.. I keep tellin my 5 yr old that life would be easier if she just listened and behave.. Even out in public she shows her butt.. always throwing tantrums and making us look bad out in public.. She has gotten me so stressed out that my body is hurting right now. So any suggestions plz?

Well Cassandra!! She was NEVER in daycare at all her whole life.. I have always stayed home with her.. U over there sayin stuff u dont know anything about.. Im sorry to tell u but my daughter loves her baby sister.. I asked her before if this behavior is becuz I had the baby and she told me no.. I include her in everything I do.. But ur basically telling me that I need to not focus on my new baby.. Well my new baby needs to know that she is safe and that she can trust me.. and u think u have the right to tell someone who is lacking alot of sleep that im not doing a very good job in parenting.. From what i seen from other mothers that age 4 and 5 is the stage where they are mouthy n such.. And NO im not asking her to be an adult.. I know kids will misbehave... But the way she is is kinda overboard... and I do compliment her when she is being good.. I tell her that im very proud of her.. and when shes misbehaving I tell her that im very disappointed in her...

Answer 1

DEAR
SPANK HER BOTTOM SHE WILL GET THE MASSAGE SENT TO HER WITH A REALLY STRONG VOICE OK
JUST A FEW POPS WILL DO THE TRICK OK
TAKE CARE

Answer 2

I completely understand how you feel. I've got 5 girls , 6 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old, 1 year old and a two month old baby.
My four year old is a real handful but can also be a very affectionate (towards us and her sisters). I often feel that I would get more sense talking to a brick wall ( and no I'm not tired, fed up or anything else! lol) because she just doesn't listen and doesn't do what we ask. Smacking doesn't make any difference and neither does taking away her toys but I found that a "Naughty Girl chart" works quite well. Give her a sticker on the chart for everytime she is good (can be really simple things) and once she has got say five, give her a small reward. If she's naughty give her a cross and explain that it will now take longer to get a small treat.

Hope this works for you. Try to remember that she's just seeing how far to push you and this is all part of her gaining her own independance (not easy at times I know ).

Answer 3

If she's a ingenious newborn, attempt writing a tale jointly. that's approximately besides the fact that she needs, yet she has to help interior the writing and the illustrating. maximum childrens would be so pleased with themselves that they'll opt to examine it to every physique. in case you do not strategies spending slightly money, there are web pages the place you could order a storybook which includes your newborn's call because of fact the main character. they're especially lovable. or you ought to bypass to the library and have her %. out 3 books that look exciting. Then supply her a small advantages (like an ice cream cone, not something tricky) for each e book she reads formerly the due date. that's a race and he or she gets a manage! i'm hoping a number of this facilitates!

Answer 4

The thing that hurts kids the most is when you take their possessions away from them.With her it may be a favorite toy or t.v. for a day.Or even longer.Don't give in to her.And absolutely DO NOT YELL OR ARGUE with her.You are the adult and you need to put you're foot down and keep it down.When you give in just a little she see's that and takes advantage of it more.The next time you get ready to go to the store tell her that if she acts up she will not go again.And stand by that.Take her to a babysitter and go without her one time.I'll guarantee you she wont act that way again.And if she does don't take her again.After doing this a couple of times she will get the point.Stand up to this child and don't let her run over you EVER.That's what the problem is.You have let it go on all her life and she knows how to push you're buttons.There are books about child behavior and how to be a better parent.I know one of them is Dr. Spock.I have 3 kids and they know better than to talk back to me or disrespect me.I believe in whipping kids if they need it,And I can count on one hand how many times I've whipped all 3 of them.They range from 17-9

Answer 5

No bribes. Ever. John Rosemond has a good approach to parenting (http://rosemond.com/index.php) although it may rub some the wrong way. In general, he emphasizes that the parent is in charge. This is something you don't have to apologize for, but it's something you have to take responsibility for. I'm sure he's written about this specific situation; I just don't remember what he said.

But there are some general rules. A household is not a democracy, it is an authoritarian dictatorship. Children don't have enough knowledge to be anything close to an authority on anything. Don't strive to be your child's friend; that isn't the role of a parent. Strive to provide guidance. If you try to seek approval from a child, she has you. And, children are like gamblers. If they can win 10% of the time, they'll keep playing that game. So you have to be really consistent.

It sounds as if this isn't just one behavior in one situation. It's a general attitude, and I don't think children are bright enough at that age to know how to deal with an "attitude". You see, it's kind of abstract. Instead, try dealing with specific behaviors. "You're having trouble going to bed so we'll start doing it an hour earlier." It helps to have a bedtime ritual--bath, brush teeth, say prayers, hear story, tuck in, lights out at the same time every night and never vary from that. She's young enough to learn that if she hasn't done her chores she doesn't get to watch TV. If you're picking up after her and trying to get her to "help Mommy," stop. That's her responsibility, not yours. You shouldn't be begging for her help. That's only the beginning. If you don't give children enough chores (things they can reasonably do) then you'll end up being their servant. Sending her to her room isn't going to work well if her room is outfitted to amuse her, either. In which case I can assure you that it does no harm to send a child to her room after dinner. Even without dessert. Be prepared for the tantrums that ensue but DON'T BACK DOWN. That's when it becomes a game and tantrums simply become another part of it. It might not be a bad idea to say, "Since you can't clean up after yourself, now you have to go to your room so Mommy can clean up."

You're smarter than she is, so learn to play the game and get ahead of her. You don't have to beg for her love; if she knows what to expect, life will be much easier for her. You can't explain this to her. She simply has to learn that you're in charge. Yes, it's work and takes determination. You may even have to take her out of a store or restaurant and wait in the car until she calms down. If that isn't an option, she has to face the music when she gets home. Immediately. She has to lose something she values and then work to get it back.

It gets easier after a while. I can give an example of my four year old daughter in a grocery store with my Mom when she asked for candy in the checkout line. Mom asked, "What would your father say?" and she went, "Okay," and waited patiently. I only bought candy in the checkout line after she got old enough to realize that it was a treat, and she wasn't entitled to it.

If I had a child right now, I'd pay the $20 to become a member of Rosemond's site. I wish it had been around earlier.

Answer 6

You are absolutely right. Spanking does nothing. Well, it does nothing good. It doesn't teach a child how to discipline herself, it causes resentment against you, and it will teach her to hide her behavior. Notice when she's good, helpful, or at least calm, and compliment her. What you notice, you get more of. (Which is why you're getting more and more bad behavior - because you're noticing her - with all your yelling, spanking, and lectures. Which brings us to -


She's been dethroned by a 2 month old. Terrible adjustment time, and this is likely what you're seeing.

You don't deal with it by ignoring bad behavior (well, actually, ignoring behavior typically makes it go away, but I mean to say you don't relax your standards) you deal with it by being empathic to the tremendous loss she has suffered.

You are yelling at her at a time she is hurting horribly.

Why do you lack empathy for her? You seem to be focused only on yourself, how you feel, how you look. She may be having to try really hard to get you to focus on her - and she's failling. She must be frustrated out of her mind.

Get the books "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" and "Siblings Without Rivarly." Both by Faber and Mazlich.

To have some empathy for your daughter, they say in "Rivarly" imagine your husband told you that he loved you so much he was bringing home a new wife for you to share him with. And, she's kinda needy and bossy, so she'll be getting all the attention for now.

That should drive home some of what your daughter is going through. You must take time to be good to her, to share your old fun, to tell her that YOU ARE SO VERY SORRY YOU'VE BEEN HITTING HER AND YELLING AT HER AND THAT YOU WERE WRONG WRONG WRONG AND TIRED FROM THE BABY AND YOU WILL NEVER EVER MISTREAT HER THAT WAY AGAIN.

Tantrums in stores - you leave immediately. Period. You don't subject other people to that. Period. They will end quickly. Do not be concerned with how she is making you look, unless you are not responding to her appropriately and then it is you - not she - who is making you look back.

Life would be easier if she listened and behaved. You're kidding, right. You just told her that if she was fully grown and mature, it'd be great. You just rejected her core self and basically told her she was unlovable.


I know you are tired, stressed out, and worried about your newborn.

But you are screwing up bigtime with your 5 year old and you are causing lasting damage to her, to your relationship with her, and to her relationship with her sibling.

You can keep blaming her and listen to all the people who tell you to punish punish punish instead of love, comfort, help, and guide her (she doesn't like feeling out of control, who does? especially not a tiny person!) and you will keep getting what you're getting.

I do wonder if you had your 5 year old in day care young, because your extreme lack of empathy for her would be predicted by early day care for her.

(Showing butt in public is normal and if you react in any way but bored to that, you are just asking to see her butt again. )

Answer 7

Try getting a specail new toy for her, something simple and small, use it as a specail reward when she is good,, ,,start by using the new toy for really simple things, when she picks up a toy, or gets you a remote, or gets a toy for the baby. Gradually by rewarding her for things that she is already doing you will be able to move it to things that are a little more far reached.
Some of it might be jeaoulsy of the new baby too, try some time with just you and her. A story time, or let her do your hair each night before you go to bed.

Answer 8

I would suggest this and I know that with a 2 month old it can be hard but try to stay calm. I talk softly and quietly to my 3 1/2 year old and he has to strain to listen to me. then I know that he is hearing me.

Also at 5 yrs old your daughter is able to make desisions. give her choices instead of demands. Jane you can choice to go to the store with mommy or go to the babysitters. Then when she acts up in the store let her know that it was her choice to come and that because of her actions she will not get a choice next time. I usually send my son to his room when he is whiney until he can calm down. or have him count to ten. (he is learning to count) You could ahve your child reciet the alphabet or count or something else to give her a moment to calm down. Or try to give her her own job. My 3 yr old loves to get things off of the counters and put them into the shopping cart. This will make the child feel useful and important to their mom.

I know that with lack of sleep from that new baby that it is alto harder to keep a level head but the calmer you are then the calmer your 5 year old will become.

Answer 9

go to this web site and use this program and you wont ever have another problem,I almsot had a breakdown untill i used this with my son now its all fine,but do it the same way ever time over and over untill it works and do it the same way no matter what each time no matter where you are store ,on the phone,tired cooking ,because it works if you use it consistancy is the trick try it for 3 months you wont regret it i promise!!!!

Answer 10

It sounds like she may be slightly spoiled so i think i would take all her toys and pack them away. Stop taking her out to eat at her favorite places. Tell her that she will just have to stay home away from those fun places until she can learn to listen.Start ignoring her. Don't let her know that she has upset you. She has you rapped around her finger and she knows it. STOP YELLING it will not help.