my boyfriend of 2 years is currently undergoing cancer treatment, he didn't have cancer while i firstly met him. Now i try to do the right thing by 'sticking' with him, he has stopped working so i pay for most of the food and bills, he has to go to the hospital twice a month so i take time off my work and take him there, i also have to endure his depression and sad mood, i feel lonely and depressed, we are both 28 years old. Recently i feel alot of resentment towards him and his situation, i know its not his fault that he got cancer, but i feel very hateful of my life, what can i do to stop feeling this way?
2007-03-20 17:30:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess now is the part of your relationship when you may be faced w/ having to make a decision if this is a forever no matter what commitment that you have, or it is a passing ship that has lasted this many yrs. For most people the decision is made because either it is time to consider marriage. For you it is not a usual progression, it is illness. Think of it like this, when people marry they usually promise "in sickness and health" and then hope they never have to test it. If you love your boyfriend and if your love is the kind of love that involves determination, then you have your forever mate and in my opinion, should get married and solidify the bond and prove to your mate your loyalty and determination for him. Think of how he probably feels. He is sick; he loves you, and may be scared that you will leave him to die w/out ever finding his true mate. At the same time he may be feeling like he should just leave you so you don't have to watch him possibly die. Do not marry him because you feel sorry for him but at least consider that his sickness requires the "in sickness" part of the deal. Also, do not feel bad that you feel angry. I would say you would not be human if you didn't. BE ANGRY!!! Yell! SCREAM!! But don't let him know of your anger because he may feel like he is the reason you’re angry. Go ahead and be angry, you’re being cheated! Just don't be angry with him, be angry at the illness. It's always easier to fight something your angry at! LOL Take care, I hope wellness for you both. L
2007-03-20 17:58:33 · answer #1 · answered by LUCY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The obvious answer is "walk". But consdier this; you have a challenging learning opportunity. Look what you are experiencing. I'm not saying you would have chosen this path but now that you're on it, make the most of it. Your only obligation is the one you place on yourself. If it is truly guilt, and only guilt that keeps you with him, then plan on leaving real soon. If you loved him when he was healthy, and he loved you, what has really changed? He's going through a tough time. Will he get better? Does anyone know? I realize you've probably gone through these questions already but do it again. Then decide if what you are learning is worth the price you are paying. If not, walk. Or, stick around until you learn his prospects of recovering. And get him into therapy. There's no reason for him to have untreated depression. You might consider therapy yourself. Good luck.
2007-03-21 00:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but he has cancer he may die and you feel bad that you know that you will see another day and not having to worry about if this is the day you die. I am sorry I do not feel sorry for you.
If you can't handle this then what are you going to do when more trials come your way just think of this as a test and get over it.
2007-03-21 11:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by Wanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a good support group or at least a counselor. Also do make some time for yourself. Go out to dinner with your girlfriends and dont feel guilty about it. You have to take care of yourself first so that you can help take care of him. Anger and resentment is normal, however you need someone to talk to about it someone who is not emotionally involved.
2007-03-21 04:16:31 · answer #4 · answered by stormy74115 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well idk if this will help ya but i hope so. I would think about well if i was him and having to do all that would i want my partner to be like that to me? Then ask your self How do u think it would make you be if you had it? Your all going through a rough time and i hope he is okay. But you have to forgive him knowing its not his fault, stuff happens and being there helping him through it all. Which is great but try to take his mind off it and try to have fun, make each other laugh like times before, even tho knowing what he has cancer, but Think to your self well if god for bid this happens if something was to go wrong with him you felling like that is just going to kill ya inside. Let it go and Know i can stay by his side and help him throgh it. all he really want to know is if ya care and love him you will forgive what has happen and show him that. I only know since my grandma had lung cancer died 9 yrs ago. she was everyone idle we still have her song played at everyone weddings so on. but just show him your there, and willing to make him try to feel better for you and him.
2007-03-21 00:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by kristy_n_tx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound like you really love this guy. It just sounds like you're staying with him because it is " the right thing to do." Unfortunately, however, this attitude is not going to help him in the long run. You're doing both yourself and him an injustice by staying around. Are you ready to leave him?
2007-03-21 00:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all life is good!!! Second find some sort of religion even that new DVD "The Secret" is comparable. Thirdly does he know your “Sticking with him” If not he has the right to know.
2007-03-21 01:20:33 · answer #7 · answered by Rich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋