I am 26 years old and never met my biological father, I know who he is and he knows who I am but we have never spoken. I would just like to talk to him once, ask some questions, like why was he never in my life, I know it is not because he did not want kids because he has 5 sons of his own (I have met one of them). I know I don't need him and that I am better off without him, but I still feel hurt in someway. I am doing just fine without him, I am a mother of 2 and am in nurses training, and I have a great family, Im just not sure why I feel this way.
2007-03-20 17:00:40 · 5 answers · asked by Misty M 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You feel this way because everyone wants to know where they came from, who their family is, and how their parents feel about them. You want to belong just like everyone else does. It's not wrong to want to talk to your dad and, if you feel that you could handle it no matter what, then go ahead and get in contact with him.
I don't know why he never contacted you. Sometimes guys do that because they feel they would be interfering with their kids lives, or because the ex is so angry that they get nothing but grief and persecution, or the ex won't let them see the kids and the father just can't handle the pain anymore so they give up. Or he could just be a jerk who deserted you because he didn't have day to day contact anymore. Maybe he really wants to see you but is afraid of being rejected by you. Maybe he just doesn't care. You won't know unless you try.
If you think that you can handle it no matter what the response is then go ahead and try. If you can even a casual relationship with your dad I think it would be worth the effort.
2007-03-20 17:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are doing fine without him, why upset or step away from an otherwise happy life as you shared?
If your goal does not include wishing to have any kind of relationship with your Father, and you just want to confront him as you feel he abandoned you, why stir up your world as you know it with the chance you might hear something that will leave you upset.
I would acept life as it is unless, you want some positives out of this encounter. It would be good to know for both of you that you would at least like to have some contact and hopefully a freindship. However; if you put him totally on the Defensive, .......you may set yourself up for more hurt.
I think seeking somekind of positive mutually desired would be the best idea if you do wish this encounter to take place. There is no used trying to rectify something you had no control over, and why risk upsetting the balance of the life you have now that you attained in his absence.
I think you may want to chew on this some more, and seek either to let it go and be okay with it, or seek a positive goal or something fruitful to come of this.
Remember, you have had only one side of the story all your life, and there may be another side you may want to be open to listening to. If you already have him pegged as a no good so and so,.........then just keep walking on your path and stay happy. Otherwise, if you are willing to listen to your Father's side, at least be willing to hear what he has to say. If you have it imprinted in your mind that you don't need him, yet you want answers, approach it in a way that you both can get some insight of each other and know that I am sure you both have missed each other being part of one anothers life.
I wish you the best, and hope you find peace regardless what direction you go.
2007-03-21 00:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A father always has obligations to fulfil whether the child was an unwanted one or a wanted one. This is something that your father never did. You although you are ok with it, but should not potray that feeling to your kids. Otherwise they might get the feeling that what your father did to you is a natural thing and this will only lead to ruin their life at a later stage.
Don't let this feeling die off and do make an impression on your children that you always wanted to and will again and again ask your father why he did this to you. Also don't let your children feel that you have forgiven your father for doing this to you.
2007-03-21 08:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by AnSID 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know why you feel the way you do... i never met my Dad till i turned 21 and then he just showed up out of the blue and said hey i`m your Dad... like i`m suppose to just bow down and kiss his feet or something... it's really hard growing up without a father but i had no Mother around neither..she was always sick and in Hospitals my entire Life... i pretty much raised myself i have 3 Adult Sons now and a step daughter whom is 18 i know that my Dad had promised me things after we met and never kept a promise so now if someone makes a promise to me and don't keep it..i will not trust them anymore..... not having a father/dad growing up leaves a lot of scares in your heart..i know it does... i have a good family now but it was no fun getting to where i am now..it took a lot... you should meet him and just talk...see where he's coming from..it will either give you a dad or closure....... good luck Hon
2007-03-21 00:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to because you have some unresolved feelings about your past without him. Put these feelings to rest and talk to him. Remember you may not hear the answers you want to. Be prepared for that. On the other hand you may start a relationship that you lacked as a child. Either way you will have that behind you and you can get on with your life.
2007-03-21 00:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Jerry G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋