why did these new temper tantrums start all of a sudden?

Question

My son is going to be 2 1/2 years old the end of April. He was having temper tantrums here and there up until recently then he started having wicked tantrums where he starts shreaking and sounding like a dog being beaten. This feels like it has come out of nowhere. I can't figure out what is causing this, he isn't ignored or neglected. I am a stay-at-home mom and spend all day with him. He has a fairly regular routine of breakfast then play for the rest of the morning, lunch then nap shortly after. He usually ends up in his room for most of the afternoon since it takes him forever to actually go to sleep even though there are no toys in his room. Then supper, more playtime with myself and my hubby, he gets a bath every other night until it gets warmer out, then he has his puffers, teeth brushed and bedtime story. That is most days.

We have been putting him in his room for 5 minutes to calm down when he has one of these temper tantrums and for the most part it works. But is there anything we can be doing to curb the tantrums before they get worse, or even to stop these ones before they start. We were just letting him go at it before we started putting him in his room, if he wasn't hurting himself or anyone else he would have it out on the living room floor until he was done. Now it seems like anything can set him off, it doesn't seem to matter what. Most of the time it is when he gets told no for doing somethign he isn't supposed to or because he is about to do something like pull a plug out or reaching for something he can't have.

He is only 2 but he is a big kid and very strong, so sometimes trying to deal with him can get down right painful. He headbutted me the other night and his head hit me so hard it felt like he had broken my nose.

I am thankful that he doesn't bite or spit, but he has just the other day started hitting.
I don't want to spank, but I have twice as a last resort when he really isn't listening, I don't spank for a tantrum. Now he mocks us. When I tell him that if he doesn't stop doing whatever he is doing if he shouldn't be doing it, he turns to face us, holds out his hand and says "mack", meaning smack.

Jessica, you just got yourself reported.

Answer 1

I don't know who ever said they were "terrible two's" because the tots are a blessing. But..... does something sure happens when they're almost three. You've gotten some pretty good answers. My only extra suggestion is that you try to give him more outdoor or physical activities(sports, running, etc.) Boys, especially, need to burn off extra energy or they start acting out. Good luck.

Answer 2

Children his age throw temper tantrums because they want something they are being told they cannot have. They simply cannot understand why they can't have everything they want. They are at an age where they are starting to be able to do things and get things themselves but their emotional development isn't there yet. All they can understand is that they want something and it is taken away. They throw temper tantrums because they don't know how else to express themselves.

The best way to deal with it is short time outs. His attention span isn't long enough to keep him in his room (or wherever his time-out area is) for more than a few minutes. Really, just long enough for the tantrum to end. Just explain that you won't listen when he's screaming and kicking and give him the time he needs to cool down by himself.

If it is too difficult to pick him up and put him in time out then, as long as he is safe, leave him where he is and move yourself to another room until he settles down. Ignore him and let his emotions run their course.

A child will learn best that temper tantrums won't get him anywhere when he realizes they aren't getting him anything. Even negative attention is, still, attention.

When the time out is done don't remind him why he had one. He knows. He doesn't understand but he does know that the behaviour and time-out are connected. Once his language skills develop more you can talk about it after on a level he can relate to. Now it's just reminding him that he was "bad" (which he wasn't, just a normal 2.5 year old), or drawing his attention back to the thing he wanted to begin with. Either way it could well trigger the whole process anew.

Spanking and taking away privileges really just gives him another thing to throw a tantrum over. I'm very against hurting your own child so I'll never support spanking, but save taking away privileges for when he is older and can understand the correlation between the crime and the punishment.


His tantrums sound perfectly normal. He's just going through that part of his development where he's realizing his independence and simply has to learn the limitations of it. It'll take a little time and a lot of effort and consistency, on your part, but it will pass.

On another note it won't hurt to allow him toys in his room. If he's not ready to sleep he won't. Toys will stimulate his imagination and, if you let him have one or two in bed with him, may well even help him get to sleep for nap time.

Answer 3

He'll probably grow out of it given time. In the meantime, continue to punish him if he keeps doing this. Be consistent and don't back down. Even if you let him get away with this just once, he will continue to do it over and over again. Don't just smack his hand, it sounds like he's used to that and it doesnt bother him. Stick him in his room if that works or take away a special toy or take a privilege away. Like no tv or no dessert or something. I have no objections to spanking a child. I believe that sometimes it's necessary. If you need to do that as a last resort do it. Don't let him push you around. You are the parent, you're the boss and he needs to understand that.
By the way, thanks for reporting Jessica-that was totally inappropriate!

Answer 4

My son turned 2 1/2 in January. Like your son, he was having the occasional tantrum before, but they became fierce and frequent a few weeks ago. I've heard that it's common for 2 1/2 to be a tough age.

I found a copy of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Jane Nelson, Cheryl Erwin and Roslyn Duffy at the library. I've only been applying their techniques for about a week, but so far, their techniques have worked like a charm.

My son went from having screaming tantrums lasting up to 45 minutes at least every other day a couple of weeks ago to nothing more than minor whining for a couple of minutes for the past few days.

The chapters I found the most useful helped me to identify what he's trying to accomplish with his tantrums and tailor what I do to defuse them based on what he's trying to get. For example, when he is trying to get too much attention by demanding that I play with him or constantly trying to get me to do things for him, I tell him I love him and give him some attention in the form of looking him directly in the eye while speaking to him briefly or a hug. Then I redirect him toward something more acceptable to me, like a toy he can play with next to me while I finish my chores.

In the space of a week, I've seen our power struggle diminish to almost nothing even though we've been cooped up for a week and I've been less than responsive because I've been ill.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

when he was that age my bro started the same thing i remember coming in from work one evening and he started throwing a tantrum and my mom who by this time was at wits end started doing the exact same thing he would do if he screamed she screamed if he stomped she did too this went on for a few minutes and he started laughing at her and said she was silly and looked dumb and she looked at him and said well that's what you look like and he never did it again

she says when i was that age my tantrums were violent and loud and the only thing that would calm me down is to lock me in my room and i would eventually say i wanted to come out and be a big girl and apologize

Answer 6

Have you tried taking him out for walks I know it's cold but maybe he's bored at home alone with you
and needs more stimulation ,does he interact with other kids .I am a stay at home mom too and if it's really cold ouside and we don't go out for even 1hr
my daughter gets really moody and cranky.Try doing other activities with him and see if that helps.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

he wants something and when he tosses a fit he gets what he wants.
if you allow this to continue expect much more of the same.
you are the parent do not allow this kind of behavior. it only gets worse.