I liked him for years,our relationship begun a month and a half ago.I knew he has a daughter from his previous marriage.Mom has custody.We started going out together.He started bringing his very-active-three year old daughter everywere,almost imposing her presence to me.We even had to sleep all three together.I told him I am not the motherlike woman, not even a child person,my life is too active,too demanding,too quick and I like it as it is.No room for children,specially if they are not mine,specially if they demand MY time.He did not understand,(I USED THE EXACT SAME WORDS).He kept trying to "impose her"to me.Yesterday I asked him to leave my house, take her with him and forget about this relationship.(that said in the most polite and clear way possible).He still says this is not how it meant to be,that the child cannot always be with him,that he can make it work for both,as if he have not heard a word of what I said!Why people do not seem to understand simple words?What is wrong?
2007-03-20 16:22:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Guys,thank you all.For the records: I knew he has a child before we begun and I know that I am not keen on children (certainly do not hate them,just cannot and dont want to deal with them day-by-day,hour-by-hour).BUT I though I would give it a chance if we could find a way to co-exist peacefully and respecting each other's boundaries.I respected his will to meet his child and spend some time all three. I just strongly felt that in a month and a half relationship,a child should not be CONSTANTLY with the new girlfriend (me) who claims her space (and was given none). I talked to him about this issue since day 1.He said he could manage and he would show me the way we can be together,he can also be with his daugther everybody getting the attention they deserve.What I SAW he did,is bringing the child since day 1 to my house,into my bed,24 hours a day.Is that how it works?And yes,of course a child has,will have and must have the number one place in his life.Otherwise he is not a good man.
2007-03-20 16:57:24 · update #1
If you're not a "kid" person, you did the right thing for everyone concerned. When my husband and I hooked up, one of the main attractions for both of us was that we were done with kids. Mine are adults and his was living with mom.
Well mom turned out to be a psycho flake and now we have a 17 y.o. kid living with us (for the past 7 years) and it's been hell. I love my husband but if I'd known I'd be stuck with his ill-mannered, rude, spoiled kid, I would have thought twice.
You are absolutely right in the decision you made. You do not need to make excused to anyone. Good luck to you.
2007-03-20 16:27:56 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have to say it makes you a bad person. Sorry. But I'm not saying you are bad for the fact that you dumped him because of the kid...I can understand not wanting to be in a relationship where you may have to be "motherlike". The reason for my decision is that you already knew he had a daughter before getting involved. You knew that is not what you wanted so you lead him on and wasted his time and made him give up hope.
Now, if you had no prior knowledge of the kid then dumped him for aforesaid reason then I would say you were a honest person.
2007-03-20 23:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by plasma71104 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. I don't think that being an honest person( to both, yourself & others) makes you a bad person at all. In-fact, in my opinion , you are as all people should be ( honest & keeping it real). And, neither is it your fault nor problem that not everyone is appreciative of an honest soul nor are they able to accept truthfulness when presented to them.
As for the child situation; I fully agree with your actions. If you're not with playing the part of a parent right now in life... then don't fake it ! And, best that you brought that lilttle-role playing to a stop well before it even got started. By doing so , you've possibly save all parties involved a terribly disappointment & un-happiness later down the road; and you yourself are not stuck with any un-neccessary regrets!
Good thinking !
2007-03-20 23:44:02 · answer #3 · answered by anthony J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That does not make you a bad person. Some people aren't meant to be parents or can't deal with children, and it would certainly have been bad for all three of you if you and he stayed in that relationship. I imagine he doesn't understand because he loves about both you and his daughter, and doesn't understand how his daughter could cause offense to you.
2007-03-20 23:31:44 · answer #4 · answered by Liz M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That was kind of rude. But I totally understand where you going. I don't want to date someone with a kid but if it's a good relationship I might consider. It doesn't sound like you gave it enough time. If you really like him, maybe you can start things out a little slower with the kid. Only go out with the mom has her and then when she comes over let it only be for a few hours at a time. Kids really aren't that bad.
2007-03-20 23:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let him go, he will find someone who will love him and his daughter, he SHOULD always put his daughter FIRST. she is part of him and always will be. you were wise to see the danger of getting too involved with someone who you obviously don't love. You not liking children would have caused a great heart ache for the little girl in question, her Daddy should Never have to choose between her and a "girl friend" Leave them alone, unless you are prepared to love his daughter too.
2007-03-20 23:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by gone! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew he had a daughter, you don't want a child person in your life and yet you still started a relationship with him??? What the hell's wrong with you?!
His daughter will ALWAYS be the most important person in his life and so she should be.
They are both better off without you in their life.
Harsh, sorry, but that's my opinion.
2007-03-20 23:33:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jason C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are not mother material, then you should not put yourself out to accommodate this man. It is best you break it off and he has no right to try and tie you down with his daughter. If you cared to be a mother roll model, then it would be fine but, don't feel bad for being honest.
2007-03-20 23:28:21 · answer #8 · answered by shyone 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow! everything you just said about yourself , wanting to be free and stuff thats all me too because i'm a young guy and in the same situation but in this case i'm a guy who's dating a girl with an 8 year old girl and we also have all slept together in the same bed. i'm fed up of this crap! too..but the only diference in which we differ is that i'm still with this nightmare! and don't have the willpower to do something about it but you did. wow! your amazing! ...your gonna be my rolemodel and motivation to take the same cold turkey!!...step....thanks ...
2007-03-20 23:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by lucas v 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you are just being honest. It is not your responsibility to play mother for his daughter. Althought you knew that he had a daughter so that is part of it. if it is meant to be, I am sure that you and him could work something out.
2007-03-20 23:28:01 · answer #10 · answered by lowfatoreos 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋