is this a good poem about my ex.
Mans one mistake,so commonly made
Everyone needs to love, everyone needs to beg
Words I thought I would never use
I used them to often, and so badly did I abuse
He lent his heart out,
It was hers to keep
She would forever hold it
No longer hide and seek
But soon
She took the mans heart and threw it to the ground
Never telling the man, it was no where to be found
He lived without a heart
Thought he did not yet know it
He swore he could still feeling it beating
But all he really felt, was the starting of fading
The sensation had started as just a tingle
As the pain grew worse, his sanity was strained
He realized too late what had happened
He was to far gone,
He waited in silence for the end to come
Would this “death” be fun
But god wouldnt kill him
Death would end his pain
The way he was to die, hardly could be called humane
And there he stood
All life leaking out of him
He closed his eyes
He knew the end had arrived
His legs began to buckle
His soul began to leave
His body started to tremble,
His chest began to heave
as he fell he prayed for fair descent
He knew his last few months badly spent
No more of this man was to be found
It all went dark,as he hit the cold ground
Because when a man loves, his heart will be broken
It would be better,those three words had never been spoken
A word of the wise I know to be true
Don’t fall in love, it will be the end of you.
2007-03-20 15:46:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
this poem is not about me, its one i made up. i have not had my heart broken, its out of hatred not heartbreak
2007-03-20 16:04:38 · update #1
Good but kind of long.
2007-03-20 15:48:49 · answer #1 · answered by Nunya 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm no poet. I'll just say it was so mellow-dramatic, it actually made me laugh out loud. I apologize if that's not the emotion you were trying to evoke, but you asked. Maybe don't be so specific in your descriptions of dying? Thanks for the laugh though.
My favorite line i think you nailed? "He lived without a heart,
thought he did not yet know it". Kind of an interesting thought.
2007-03-20 15:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by GoodGuy53 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is absolutley amazing! I have never seen a man work this hard at a poem! This is just magnificent! I totally love it!
2007-03-20 15:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by anime4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...are you the man in the poem? I'm sorry your heart was broken but not every relationship will be like that.
2007-03-20 15:51:34 · answer #4 · answered by Isabella's Mommy Expecting #2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi polariss,
your heart is broken
not the heaven
try it again to rise
the sun will difinitly rise!
forget the past
forgive the lost
where is will there is way
never give away!
enjoy the life!!
2007-03-20 15:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by amarnath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was very well written, I liked seeing the emotion behind it. Good job!
2007-03-20 16:36:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a beautiful poem
and I really try to understand....
I don't understand why he says
his heart was thrown
by a women to the ground
I don't think
something like that has happened
I don't think that women
would do that to him.....
ever...
2007-03-20 15:56:18 · answer #7 · answered by AnnaP. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i like it, if you would like a pretty cool website that i use it is www.poems-and-quotes.com you can create a profile, and post your work other writers will judge and comment as many poems and short storys as youd like.. and they can give great tips.. hope i helped..
2007-03-20 15:52:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of scary but is a good poem.
2007-03-20 15:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by avenger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a beautiful poem... content-wise.
Now, please fix the grammatical mistakes. You're missing apostrophes in many places, and the "to" in "I used them to often", should actually be "too".
2007-03-20 16:02:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋