Stay at home moms with college education?

Question

I'm facing a hard decision. I love being a mother more than I ever loved working in chemistry field. I have two degrees and worked very hard to get them. The problem is I am torn inside between wanting to be a great mom and be there for my daughter and future son, a milk and cookies mom who greets her kids at the door and wanting to use my education. I will lose my skills if I stay home too long and will have great difficulty going back. Also, I feel a huge lose of identity, like I'm now invisible because I am only mom(my child is an infant so I am home) and I feel the whole world sees me as a failure because I am not doing it all...I don't think women can do it all well. I just would not be a good mom after a long hard day and only an hour or so to spend with my child. I wouldn't even have that time because I would have to prepare for work, get the house clean and do all the things working moms can't do during the day. I really would like some input from women ?

Answer 1

I have a friend who is an attorney who graduated from Harvard. She has chosen to stay at home with her child. I think it is a great choice for her - I can't see anything else for her. Don't underestimate yourself - being a mom is a hard job! You have to work this out in your self - forget about what others think. See if this is something that YOU want to do. Realize that you can always, later on when your child is school age go back to work part-time. Also, at that time, you'll be able to brush up on your skills by taking a course or two at community college. You can do it, you just have to want to.

Answer 2

isn't it crazy that as a Mom we need to deal with this decision it is suppose to be great that women have choices but we are left to feel guilty no matter what we choose. I am Blessed to be home with my children. I worked full time for a large financial institution for 7 years. I was very happy there and after I had my daughter things changes I felt under appreciated and over worked. I hated paying someone else to raise my child. My Mary Kay Consultant offered me the business information and I said no thank you you I am not the sales type and sell make up I was above that too. A year went by before she asked again and at that point I was still in the same situation nothing had change for me and she had been a Corporate trainer for the same large company and was now earning the use of a free car within two years and re;lacing her full time income from a financial background I decided to check it out to find the company very impressive. I loved the product so I decided to give it a try and within a year found much more then I ever expected flexibility and financial freedom teaching skin care and putting my Faith and family before my career yet still able to be a professional and a mom it is amazing! You really can have it all with Mary Kay.

Answer 3

I'm a stay-at-home mom with a college education, too. I chose staying at home for two reasons: I didn't want someone else raising my kids (daycare) and it simply wasn't feasible for me to continue working anyway (I wasn't making enough money to cover the daycare costs at that time). I went back to work for a total of 11 days. I couldn't stand being apart from my baby. My kids are now 2 1/2 years and 14 months and I have since developed a new dream that involves a career, but I'm still going to wait until my youngest is at least three, possibly even 4 or 5 when he enters kindergarten. I understand your dilemma! Just remember that being a mother is the absolute most important job in the world. Think of all the "important" people out there -- Einstein, Mozart, anyone you consider to be someone who made a huge impact on the world. Would they have gotten there without the nurture of a mother? Not likely. You are raising PEOPLE to be the next generation! Our job is highly undervalued, but the emotional rewards are so great.

You should obviously do whatever is going to make you happiest. You won't be any good for your children if you are miserable. But don't go back to work because of the image that others may or may not have of you. Raising your children is much more important than upholding a particular image. If you choose to wait until they are older, you may be able to take some kind of refresher courses at a community college or something to get you back up-to-date and then settle for a job that can lead you where you want to ultimately be, instead of jumping right into that position now. Your kids will need less of you when they are a bit older (such as school-aged), so that could make it easier for you if you wait. Or, you could go back to work. But do it for the right reasons!

Good luck, I know it's a hard decision!

Answer 4

I was in your exact situation when I became a mommy! I struggled with a loss of identity and feelings of failure. I felt like I had to constantly defend my choices to strangers.

What I have chosen for myself is:
I will be a stay at home mom until my youngest child enters the first grade. At that point I will be reentering the workforce as a full time employee.

I am lucky because I work in a field where my hours will be 6 am to 2 pm and my husband never starts before 10am. So he will be home to see our kids off to school, and I will be home to pick them up from the bus stop.

Right now, your job is being a mom. And that is the greatest job there is! If you are worried about loosing your edge while you stay home, maybe take some online continued education classes in your field.

Trust me, the world doesn't see you as a failure!

Answer 5

I was a stay at home mum for four years and returned to the workforce out of financial necessity. I worked out of home for two years (part time for most of that) and I can say without a shadow of doubt that they were the two most stressful and unpleasant years of my life. I went back to being a SAHM three weeks ago and the family are reaping the benefits of that. No matter how highly educated you are, it is impossible to be an incredible employee and a wonderful mother at the same time. Someone or something has to give and most often, at least in our case, it was our home and family life that suffered. You *will* use your education at home with the kids - I have two degrees also and it is fantastic when it comes time to explain how things work to my children. Because I worked hard for my education I try to instill in them a love of learning and a desire to be their best.
My children are 6 and 4 now amd I am realising with great sadness that those two years when I was away from them are years that I can't get back. Yes, it will be difficult to get back into employment laster on, but not impossible. Our children have such a short time to be needing us and that will pass in a flash.
One thing that might help is to look ahead to the future and imagine what they'll write on your gravestone. "Loving wife and mother", or "Recipient of two chemistry degrees". I know which one I would want to be remembered for.

Answer 6

The most important job you will ever do is Mommy. The most influence you will ever have on any other human or humans is Mommy. Take the drive and determination you did to get your degrees and tackle Mommyhood....just don't get so lost in the labels...WHO CARES? You can get so wrapped up in how others perceive you, how you perceive your own worth that you would take Mommyhood to extremes too. To answer your question, NO, you can't have it all, there simply is not enough time in the day, and you will drive yourself insane attempting to do it all. Make a list of your priorities....perhaps to keep a sense of self worth, you could work parttime, even if it's just two days a week? AND WAIT, you haven't even mentioned hubby, where does he fall in all this....figure out what is important to you, and keep that list handy when you start to doubt your self or your decisions. A college education is a wonderful achievement, but there are many more to be had....

Answer 7

If you're longing for a little workplace, but not the whole dose, perhaps you could try a little consulting or freelance work. (Though I don't know how suitable an idea that is in the chemistry field.)

It sounds like you love the idea of being a mom so much- I would go with your gut. And use your knowledge to your advantage as your children grow- keep that daughter interested in math and science by working with her, and she just may end up following in your footsteps. As your children get older, you will feel a lot less invisible.

Also, you could consider returning to work part-time once your children are in school- what else have you to do in the middle of the day while they're away?

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. :)

Answer 8

There is no shame in being a stay at home mother. I wish to be one someday and i go to college. When i leave my feild, I will not think of myself as just a mom or a failure, raising a child is more important than that. I want to be there for all of the fun stuff. You are a very lucky woman. Some live in conditions where they do not have the option of staying home with the children. Count your blessings. Your children need you home.
-stef-

Answer 9

It's a very very hard decision to make. I feel like I worked so hard for my degree, and it was pointless. I feel invisible too, and hate when people ask me what I do. Being a stay at home mom is harder than I thought it would be though. I think either you are cut out for it, or you aren't. Some people are naturally great with kids, and truly enjoy spending time with them. I am not one of them. I love my kids with all my being, but being with them all day, everyday, really isn't making me happy. I am impatient, and never have been good with kids. I always wanted a career, and I try to be like Martha Stewart, but it just isn't in me. Take a look at yourself and think about it. And no one looks at you like a failure, it is not easy being a mom, and it is very respected.

Answer 10

Oh honey!!!!! No matter what you think the world sees you as, if your children have a roof over their heads, clean clothes and every ounce of love you can offer, you have NOT failed. You have conqured!!!! Who cares if you have 10 degrees all they are is another abrevation to your name!!! believe me when I say people will remember "Sarah the Mother" Not "Sarah the chemistsomethingoranother!" You are a mother wear it proudly! You can have a career and be a wife and mother, but always know you are a Mother who has a job, not a Chemist who has children!!!!!

M&M