Should the mommy-to-be have a say in the shower decorations?

Question

My mother-in-law is suppose to be planning a baby shower for my husband and I, together with my mother. The shower is not a surprise and I made the invitations and M&M party favor boxes. She is insisting on doing the decorations by herself with no say from any of us, including my mom. We recommended some ducky decorations that my husband and I had picked out at the party store and she said that her and her sister had already taken care of it. I feel that she should have discussed this with my mother since they are co-hosting the shower and my husband and I. My parents even bought her dinner and brought a list of what they wanted to bring to the shower for food so they could coordinate ideas and she still would not share any details about the decorations! I let her know from the start that I enjoy party planning and that I wanted a say in what is being done for my baby, since it is going to be our first and only. Any advice?

Answer 1

It is being given to you as a gift. Be gracious and accept.

Answer 2

First of all, your mother-in-law and mother should not be hosting a shower for you, that's tacky. Family members do not host showers for each other, period.

Second of all, no, you don't have any say in the shower decorations. This is a party that is thrown FOR you, you are the guest of honor. You're not even supposed to be helping with anything. You're only supposed to give them the guest list with addresses, the date and time that you're available, and that's it (and registry information if you have one, BUT it is NOT to be included in the invitation.)

You may not like what I had to say, but you asked, and I'm answering from an etiquette stand point.

Answer 3

I would be worried more about other things than the shower decorations. You're going to have a handful with your mother-in-law and her advice for raising your little by the sound of how the shower is going. To answer your question though, yes, I think that everyone involved in paying and planning for the party should have been involved with the decorations.

Answer 4

Your mother in law is planning a party for you, so you don't get to dictate what will happen or what decorations there will be. However, if she is co hosting with your mother, your mom should get to have her opinion. If your mom gets pushed out of the scene, just suggest to your mom that she have a separate get together with your family.
I've been around brides that want to have a say in their bridal showers....that's so annoying. It makes people not want to have a party for you.

Answer 5

Well, I think that someone is throwing a shower for you, you and your husband don't have any right to say how it should be done. But, your mother on the other hand, does have a right to know what your m-i-l is up to since she is co-hosting. Don't you just love mother-in-laws?!

Answer 6

It is not appropriate for the parents or grandparents to throw the shower. That's like asking for gifts! Rude. The shower should be thrown by a cousin, aunt, sister, or friend. And the decorations and food should be planned by the person who is spending the money to throw the party.

Answer 7

She definitely should be sharing. You are all a part of this shower planning. Especially your mom. If your mother in law insists on keeping everything a secret, let her know that you will also be doing favors. If she wants to do one on her own, then it will be at her expense. Everyone will just get two gifts instead of just the one.

Answer 8

Just sit back and enjoy. Be very thankful that people love and care for you and your husband to have the shower for you. When it comes right down to it, who cares what the decorations look like, it's about spending the day with people who love you and are looking forward to the new edition. Honestly, after a week nobody will remember what they look like.

Answer 9

I can totally understand your frustration....but I would just relax and try not to worry about it. She is the hostess and it is a party she is throwing....she should get say in all of this. Your mom should get say, too, since she is co-hosting. However, we all know that one person usually takes over in situations like this!

The important thing to remember is that everyone is just THIS excited to celebrate your baby.....think of that and just don't worry about these details.

Answer 10

Yes, advice to you. First off, i know how mother-in-laws can be. You need to have your husband, so you dont look like the bad guy step up and say something to his mom. You absoutley should have say in what you want with YOUR shower. I had over 200 people at mine and mine took a lot of planning. I had my mom, his mom and my best friends mom all 3 planned it together and split all the costs and all were in charge of doing their own little thing. Your MIL just wants this to be just her gift to you. But she needs to understand that there are other people that should be included with planning it. Your parents 50/50 and his 50/50 period. You need to nip this on the butt now, because trust me if your husband doesn't say anything now, it will get worse when the baby is here. She will try "raising" your kid, always putting her 2 sence in acting like she is in charge. Talk to your husband, and good luck to you and your family and of couse the new baby. I dont mean to preach to you, but my MIL tried to do the same thing and i told her no, other ppl wanted to help too. Good luck hon

Answer 11

BUT OUT....they are hosting the party, means it's up to them, not you. Let it go, you get to decorate the baby's room, you get to decide what it wears every day, you get to decide it's hair style, bla bla bla....do you HAVE to be in control of THIS too? Your mother and MIL have decided to host this thing, and you need to just back off and let them take care of this...you want to plan parties, have your own stinking party. Learn some diplomacy and let it go......