I am an assertive woman, attractive and confident...I have achieved a certain amount of success, own a home, have successful children(young adults) run my own business..am in good shape...Do men want me to dumb down...or what?
2007-03-20 13:51:46 · 13 answers · asked by cherry 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't be something you're not. To be honest, most men are intimidated by confident, assertive, successful women. It makes them feel insecure.
Just keep putting yourself out there until you meet a guy who appreciates your wonderful traits, and isn't intimidated by you. It sounds like you're asking if you ought to be someones supplicant. Well no, that's never going to work. Successful relationships are those that consist of two people who are equals, on most levels anyway.
He's out there - just keep going on dates, keep being true to yourself, and know that sooner or later you'll find the one.
2007-03-20 14:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by deucelow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if you're thinking "I'm too smart for men, and that's why they reject me", you're either dating the wrong men, or missing something obvious.
First: you say you're assertive and confident. You're also proud of your achievements. Good for you! However, have you considered the possibility that you might spend a lot of time talking assertively about your achievements, and not a lot of time trying to find out about your dating partner?
Remember: the first several dates shouldn't be about one person or the other, and as an assertive person odds are you're dominating the conversation. Instead, he should be trying to get you to talk about yourself -- and you should be trying to get him to talk about himself. If you're monopolizing the conversation, you're not good company. Period.
But let's give you the benefit of the doubt, and say that you're not monopolizing the conversation, and you're genuinely interested in what your dates have to say. Is it possible that you're picking guys who are intimidated by successful women, or intelligent women? Sure, but you're choosing to go out with them, so what does that say about your character? Start dating guys who are as assertive and confident and successful as you are, and you'll probably have more dates with each one.
Finally: remember that when dating goes correctly, one of three things happens:
1. You date once or twice, realize it's a mistake, and move on;
2. You date for a while, and at first it works, but as you learn more about each other you discover you're incompatible after all, and move on;
3. You date for a while, and you're compatible, and over time you realize you're still compatible and also in love, and so you get married.
Everything else that happens in dating is a bastardization of the process: dating people "until someone better comes along", or just for the sex even though you have nothing to talk about, or because you're desperate; these are all something other than proper dating.
In proper dating, on the other hand, the vast majority of your dates will fall into category one. Category two will happen rarely, and category three will happen -- ideally -- only once. So if you're not getting past date #2, you're probably fine. Keep dating, and sooner or later you'll find a guy to at least reach category two with.
Good luck.
2007-03-20 21:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by big_bowl_of_meat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally I avoid this type of question, but it seems like most of the other answers have been one of two extremes:
1. saying you are arrogant and driving the men away (fulfilling the womens expectations of the 1950's male stereotype)
or
2. Saying the men are scared of you, unable to commit, and only want a blonde barbie that has a beer holder instead of a brain(fulfilling the mens expectations of a stereotypical man hating feminazi)
Call me crazy here, but it seems like you haven't provided enough information to really elicit good advice. What has been happening on your dates? Have these guys given you any reasons or just never called again? Were these guys that you were really attracted to or did you show your disinterest? Where have you been finding these dates and what's been your criteria for choosing the men you go out with?
Fill in some of the blanks and we'll try and really help you.
As far as men being afraid of a woman who wants to be treated as an equal, yeah there are men like that out there, but there are plenty of men who are interested in finding a partner, not a domestic servant they can have sex with. Believe me the only guys who wouldn't get tired of going out with girls who just give you that "does not compute" look when you ask them their opinion on any political or cultural topic while their tube top slips down are the kind of guys no one in their right mind would want to spend any extended period of time with.
In other words, more info, it does a question good.
2007-03-20 21:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Will 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ERGHJEKHJKLFHASKL!!!!! I just can't stand it!!! I hate it how back in the olden days men used to be all superior and now that women actually have stood up for themselves and become successful career women, men have to be such babies and only go after those who, as you say, are "dumbed down".
you need to find a man out there that doesn't care about that. my suggestion would be maybe to go for a younger guy, because they may be more in tune with women being successful.
2007-03-20 20:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by sam 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If You don't let let him get past 2nd base by date #2, Why would he want a date #3?
2007-03-20 20:57:23 · answer #5 · answered by moonbeam 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you don't have to dumb down if you're intelligent then show it off but not too much
ok on the first date act kind of like a teenager but not as imature just have fun and don't try and impress him with just your mind you need to impress him with your how much fun you can be to talk to and be with
2007-03-20 20:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by FML 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have accomplished alot of things and the men feel intimadated by you,,,,its that simple. They cant handle a woman who can stand on her own two feet.
2007-03-20 20:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, they probably want sex. Or are you the one who is not going past round 2? You might be sending off signals that you aren't really interested.
2007-03-20 20:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by greenfrogs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself, eventually if you pursue it, you'll have a worthwhile relationship.
2007-03-20 20:56:04 · answer #9 · answered by ipolkadot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no... you just havent met the right guy yet... keep trying!
best of luck!
2007-03-20 20:56:11 · answer #10 · answered by runningballerina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋