Am I spoiling my kids?

Question

Am I spoiling my 2 year old? Whenever she asks for something I get it.(Well not all the time but most of the time? if we are eating and she doesn't want her food then I let her eat something else. If we are dressing and she wants a different color I just give her a different color etc. Am I wrong for this?

16 yer old with kids left this account and gave it to me. I'm 13 and have no kids. -giggle-

Answer 1

Ooh, the claws came out with this question. :)

My opinion is yes and no. It's not good to give them everything they want, of course. I think you know that, and that's why you asked in the first place. Sometimes you just have to let them throw that tantrum, and experience disappointment. The reason people react to this one so much, I think, is because many know how hard it is to change these patterns as the child gets older. It's easier to teach them when they're two, than when they're 12.

At two, food is tricky. I'd try to plan meals that have at least something you know she'll like, and encourage her to try. The catch with food is if you force her to eat what you say, you're setting yourself up for a power struggle she's very likely to win. Better to wage this war very carefully, to safe yourself stress and picky tastes when she gets older.

The clothing? If it's not a matter of wanting to wear a swimsuit when it's raining, does it really matter? Perhaps you could begin asking if she wants to wear [color] or [color], making her feel like she has a choice, but giving you the actual choice over the clothing.

HOpe that's helpful!

Answer 2

Not if you don't mind doing this throughout her entire life. You're setting the pattern. As a teen, she will demand a cell phone, credit card and car. As an adult, she'll never move out and you'll be paying all her expenses.

I would suggest you begin to set limits now. With meals, prepare a number of things (ie: meatloaf, salad, green beans, mashed potatoes, bread and jam) and she can eat what she likes. If she doesn't like it, breakfast will roll around in the morning and she can eat then.

With clothes, let her know the limit (ie: "We can get you one outfit today for under $50. Can you help me find things you'll like to wear?") I know at 2, you're thinking she won't understand $50, but if you start now, she'll get it much earlier than most and begin to understand natural limits.

You might read Parenting with Love and Logic. GREAT book - it's been a top seller for 20 years or so and is non-violent. It teaches respect and responsibility but the best thing is that the parent gets to be the good guy while the consequences do the teaching. You can also find classes all around the U.S.

Answer 3

Maybe. Maybe not. Do you have rules that she is following? Or do you give her whatever she wants? Kids need rules and limits - it makes them feel secure in this crazy world. Set some rules - give her a choice, but limit the choice. Instead of saying "what do you want to wear", pick out two outfits and say "which one do you want to wear?". Offer two options, and she'll likely choose one. But be flexible - don't let her change 5 times, but if she wants her turtle shirt let her wear it, unless its a tank top and its 5 degrees outside.

One friend I have has the rule if you dont like what is for dinner, that's ok, you can have cereal. But I am not making a second dinner. Then its up to the kid to decide - offers a choice, but within reason. It works very well for her.

Flexibility is key, but within the rule set. Say yes when you can ("you want a cookie? Its 7am, its too early for a treat, but you can have one after dinner") but set within reason.

Keep in mind, you are the mommy, and you make the rules. Just cuz she wants something doesnt mean she gets it, or that it is even good for her!

Answer 4

I think that you are most definitely spoiling your child. A child needs to learn that not everything will go his/her way. It teaches self discipline. If you continue to do these things you will have big problems as your child gets older. What will you do if she ask for something you can't afford or wants to eat ice cream for dinner? She should be taught that life does not always go the way you want and how you want it! Good Luck

Answer 5

Children thrive on routines and guidance. You don't want your child to have behavior problems later on so you need to make sure that she understands that you are in control. Try giving her choices. Instead of picking out an outift for her that she will dismiss, try putting together two outfits and letting her choose which one to wear. Or give her two choices for dinner. She will still feel independent but she wont be in controll of the household. As a parent, you need to set limits.

Answer 6

I dont call the things you said spoiling. They are her clothes, if she likes another color whats the harm. As long as she eats to get the needed nutrition , that's what matters. I have 2 kids and 1 on the way. I make my children mind, but i do give them pretty much what they want.

Answer 7

It depends on how much of a burdon it is on your part.
2 years old is a difficult age where they are trying to make the transition from being the baby to a big kid, and sometimes they will want to be the baby and other time they will want to do it all by themselves.
It is important to let children (especially toddlers) make some of their own choices. This lets them feel they have some control in their life, and really encourages them to be more grown up (Ie: more like a child then a baby.)
It lets them assert their independence in a safe way and also studies show toddlers who are given more chances to make their own choices in their life will be less likely to throw a tantrum when they are told finally told NO. Basically you are going to avoid arguments and also future tantrums if you just let it go.
So if a child wants to wear blue instead of red, or has a favorite shirt let them do it.

As well children also have opinions and feelings, and these need to be recognised to help build their self esteem and teach them to stand up for themselves. If they don't like green beens they just don't like them, I'm sure there is certain foods and colors you don't like so why would you force your child to do something that they don't like?

At the same time you cannot let your child do something unsafe and doing all these things for children can be very tiring as well it is not helping children learn responsibility. At 2 years old they are still kind of young to be pouring themselves something to drink (unless you want to be cleaning up puddles of milk) but they are NOT to young to be asking nicely for something they want instead of demanding it. You should insist that they ask and say please and thank you no matter who is doing something for them.
As well if you want your child to be responsible and self-sufficient when older doing everything for them can cause problems when older. Its easy to start setting the patterns early. While a 2 year old may not be able to clean up their room entirely by themselves they are old enough to help out and should be expected too. If they spill something give them a sponge to help you wipe it up, let them help you sort laundry, mix ingredients when cooking, etc.

And if you set your mind to something stick with it, that is where she will learn to be manipulative. If you decide that you are going out to the store and she doesn't want to go because she's busy playing you need to stand your ground as an adult and tell her that you are not going to put it off until tomorrow because you have to many things to do tomorrow. Just as if she were a teenager if you tell her she cannot go to a party because there will be alcohol you mean no. When something is important stick with it.

As she gets older you will/should expect her to do more but you always have to be resonable. If her requests are not snotty, are resonable, and they are not wearing you thin then I would say that you are doing fine. If she is demanding, whiny, and having you run in circles like Cinderella I would reasses the situation and slowly explain how she is a big girl and needs to be nice and help out around the house.

Answer 8

i agree with u tammer =)

in the ways u described, no that is NOT spoiling ur child. Giving ur kid every toy in the store IS

u are helping her express her individuallity, and that is a GREAT thing!

so what if she doesn't like the first thing u made her. maybe that kind of food just wasn't her thing, or their were too many spices for her little tounge to handle.

or if she doesn't like that color, she doesn't like the color. no SANE parent would FORCE their child to wear a certian color. that's crazy!

i wish u the best with ur little girl

good luck =)

Answer 9

You should definatly get her what she wants, but not all the time, if you do, she'll think she deserves, and will get everything she asks for. Since she's only young, I think the best thing to do is slowly start teaching her that not everything comes in a snap. Go gradually, so she's not stunned.

Answer 10

YOu should never give a child everything they ask for. That's the definition of spoiling.

It needs to be give and take...dont just let her run around taking everything. If she picks up her toys, maybe she can have a treat...etc.