What can I do to make my poem better? (U.S. Military and English teachers?)?

Question

In peace, a civilian,
Wearing clothes as plane as mine,
A normal job and a normal life.
But when your country calls, from within or from afar,
You change into the tan and green of
The Army National Guard.
And just like that, you are a soldier going of to war.

Stepping forward in time of need, setting aside your fears.
Sacrificing all you have,
For death, you volunteer.

Understanding the oath pledged the day you signed your name,
Working hard everyday to keep our country safe.
Avowing to protect and serve no mater what it takes.

Gladly laying down your life for those you’ve never met.
You do it every day and you’ve never shown regret.

One day you’re fighting here at home, the next your in Kuwait.
Marching past the gates of hell, as if you owned the place,
When deep inside you fought for courage and prayed to God for grace.

I see you standing tall, pride running through your veins
I catch a glimpse of what we mean to you,
Why you go out there every day

What do you think.

open to any and all suggestions....

Answer 1

Hi there. There is a truth about good poetry: "Things, not ideas." Another way of saying this is "show, don't tell." I like the way you write in the beginning "wearing clothes as plain as mine." This paints a picture in my mind. So do that with the rest of the poem. For example, instead of saying "setting aside your fears," you might say "you feared never again seeing your mother in her jeans on her knees in the garden in the spring, but you went anyway, you feared not ever knowing that it was a boy your sister carried the next year, but you went anyway."
You have to use your imagination and come up with details that represent the idea behind what you're saying. And here's another thing you might think about for your next poem: your lines do not have to rhyme all the time. You can use repeitition of sound within the lines to get that language thing going. Hey, you've got a lot of feeling behind what you're writing, so it's great that you want to find the best way to share that feeling with others through this poem. Good luck with it. L

Answer 2

Kanye West is a genius. He is utterly misunderstood. Most individuals hate him in view that of what he did to Taylor Swift and do not even pay awareness to the truth that he's honestly a poet; a genius. He was once morally unsuitable for what he did to Taylor Swift, however nonetheless undoubtedly proper. I do not suppose he was once proper in pronouncing that Beyonce must have received in view that Beyonce has the creative intelligence of a turd, however he was once proper in view that Taylor Swift sucks additionally. Nonetheless, Kanye is a genius and everybody must comprehend it.

Answer 3

i really like this. my brother is a ranger and was forced to move across the country, literally. maybe you could add a little more of the family aspect to this. the hardest part of being in the military is leaving loved ones. maybe a line or two about "the heartbreak of a family so dear; held in their hearts, endless fear"