How many of you would kick your kid out if he did this?

Question

My 17 y.o. step son has been living with us for the past 7 years. He will be graduating in June. He plans to move back to his mother's so he'll only be here another 75 days.
At his mom's he's allowed to do whatever, whenever, wherever, he wants and at our home he has rules and consequences. Friday he cut school and his mom called and lied for him (I took care of that).
Last night at a family meeting things got pretty heated. At one point he told his dad and I to both f**k off. He said he couldn't wait till he graduated so he could leave. Believe me, I made it clear that would NEVER happen again.
My question is, should we kick his sorry butt out? My husband wants to take a 24 hr. cooling down period before any decisions are made. Thoughts?

Thanks so much for the thoughtful feedback. I didn't mean to imply that I was the one that was going to kick him out. That's up to his dad. As I know I'm "only" stepmom and I've kept my mouth shut for the last several years.

Answer 1

He doesn't appear to have any respect for either of you so i suggest you give him a choice... he cools it until he graduates or you'll send him to his moms now which means he'll most likely have to transfer schools and miss out on graduating with his friends.

Answer 2

He is going to be gone in 75 days. What good will kicking him out now do? It will only put him in a place where he isn't required to go to school and therefore will wind up not graduating. If he doesn't graduate higschool he won't be able to get into college or get a better job than other highschool drop outs. So then he will be on welfare for the rest of his life. So who is it going to benefit? As for his mother covering for him...that IS her perogative. Whether you like her choices or not she is STILL entitled to make choices concerning HER son. I'm not saying that it was an appropriate choice, and I don't think it was appropriate for YOU to "take care of it". That was something his FATHER should have done. So my question would be WHY didn't his father step in?

Answer 3

You probably shouldn't kick him out.

I would wait a few days, see if he apologises, and see it your husband calms down. As someone below me has said, it is likely he will hate you as a step-parent because he may want someone to blame for his parent's splitting up, even if it isn't anything to do with you. He thinks his mum should be in your place.

But anyway, give him time, let everything cool down and try and let your husband take care of it. It seems harsh from me but it isn't really your business as much as theirs. If you put in a good word for him then he may see you in a slightly different light, albeit only slightly. Also, although teenagers hate it at the time, try and talk to him about why/how he can't wait till he can leave.

Try and resolve any small things that may happen, as you don't want a long term future with these sorts of relationships.

Answer 4

No, don't kick him out with only 75 days left. You do not want a more serious rift between him and his father. I didn't learn how smart my parents were until I left home. Time does heal. Teenagers are always difficult, but you're an adult. Keep the firm rules but use the remaining 75 days to try to build a better relationship. Just remember, 75, 74, 73, 72 etc. Not very long in the scheme of things. Don't risk losing someone who may turn out to be a good adult and the father of future grandchildren. Help make peace with him and his father for everyone's sake in the future.

Answer 5

I don't know if this will help but maybe I can show you your step sons point of view. I was in the same predicament, (having a step mom and stuff) I'm not 17 (I'm younger) but my mom also let me do whatever I wanted. I know 7 years seems like a long time but for getting to know a new parent, it isn't. He probably still resents you. Every kid who has parents that are divorced feels the same. In our minds we still think that there could possibly be a way for our parents to get back together, and since his DAD is married to you and not his real MOM he knows that there is no way they could get back together. Also he is going through a tough time, graduation is coming, girls, school, responsibilities, and wanting to be more independent. And somewhere deep inside every kid, we know that we need to grow up and face the world. And as that time approaches we get nervous. Also it seems that he really isn't that bad of a kid, so just because he acts like a brat sometimes you want to kick him out? To me that sounds horrible and that is probably why he resents you because your not taking the time to understand him. Come on he is still a kid and parents don’t realize it but a lot of the time they do not let us express ourselves freely and the only way to get through to them that we are upset is to say mean things because then they either try to fix the problem or start listening to why we feel that way. Now in your mind you might be saying well he doesn't open up to me, or I've tried but he doesn't want to. It is still your fault. He is the "child" you are the adult you have to try hard but not force him to like you or open up to you. Maybe you don't want to hear this from a kid, but in a kid's point of view its the truth. I hope I helped at least a little bit.

Answer 6

Did you call the school and tell them he cut? is that what you mean by "you took care of that" Have you never called in or played hooky to do something you wanted to do............. If you called and turned him in He had a right to be mad.

He could be out using drugs, stealing, getting girls knocked up......... but all he did was cut one day. Its called spring fever. My son is 15. Hes a good student, doesnt miss much, and once in awhile he will say i dont wanna go today can we go have a family day....... i agree about 2 times a year.

His dad needs to have a talk with him about respect but you have to treat him with respect as well. You can make him follow the rules and show him respect too.... He will be 18 soon then noone will have any say to what he does. If you make him hate you both, he wont come to you later if he gets himself into a mess.

Answer 7

Well if you were to kick him out now.. he may not graduate and that weigh heavy on your and his father's mind. I would stick it out and make sure that he knows where you 2 stand. As you already know that his mother is not going to care about him as much as you both do and he will most likely get into trouble and guess who he will call when that happens? So take a cool down now and make sure he at least gets his schooling finished and then cut him loose. Good luck.

Answer 8

He is still a minor..........check with your authority and laws to see if it is legal to kick him out before you commit a crime against a minor.


He is the way he is because his Mom let's him get away with anything and until she changes and agrees with the ways you are trying to teach him, he won't see the point of it!!

He will learn in life once he messes up...........for now just wait and take his cell, tv privilages.....even if taking tv away....which will enable him to play video games and also a curfew.....unless he is at work but if not then he is grounded.

If he leaves home......report it to the authorities they will catch him and he will learn a lesson!! Make sure you can do this also by calling your sheriff department.

If his Mom thinks you guys are being bad parents tell her to take him back sooner..........if she wants to fight it, you can always ask the school to make a letter of the incident that he skipped school and show who is the one with bad parenting.....the judges like you to show letters and paperwork over she said he said arguments. If other authority groups like school is involved the judge mos likely will agree with you over his Mom. He needs to learn what is important and what will help him most to succed in life.....skipping most kids do it to avoid school and promote bad activities...........the judge will definetelly disagree with that unless he can prove he was properly out of school and not causing any trouble..........if she says he was sick she should have some paperwork from the doctor......or even a phone call recording to make sure she was not lying for him!

I hope this helps.........I know it could mess up his life and cause a bit more trouble but this way you cover your butts and don't get into trouble with courts and lawyers........at least if it happens most of them will be on your side!

You should recommend the kid to have counseling or to be sent to a camp for troubled kids...........this way he can see why you would rather him attend school than to skip it and get into trouble!

Good luck!!

Answer 9

You are mad and emotional right now. I know you feel offended too. He is with you for 75 days more, then he is on his own. Please try your best to show him what love, respect and courtesy look like in the time that you have left with him. Sometimes 'doing' is as important or more important than saying what to do. Lead by example. If you were to kick him out now, his attitude would be, 'see, you don't really care.' He is testing your boundaries.Another thing to consider is how does your husband feel about this? Talk this over with your husband, discuss how you feel with him. And most of all, good luck.

Answer 10

yes please cool off before you make any decisions. remember you were once his age. people his age think they know it all. no, he should not disrespect you or your husband so some type of punishment is in order. you need to remember when you were his age you may have thought at one time that you were grown up enough to make decisions and see who you want or do what you want and maybe challenged your parents or whoever was taking care of you at the time. i think he feeds off of your reaction and that's why he was so harsh with his words in other words that's the nature of the teenage beast. but save the kicking out part for when he turns eighteen. that way if he wants to come back he has to pay rent.

Answer 11

Don't kick him out. Cool everyone off, but his Father needs to make it extremely clear that that kind of disrespectful abusive language is not tolerated in the house. If he leaves, he leaves, but you should not be expected to put up with his behavior. Especially if there are other children living with you too.