My fiance is not excited about having a wedding, doesn't want to participate in one, will not consider ideas for one, doesn't want his family there (they DO get along). He says its because no one on his side is happy to see him get married so he doesn't want one (he's 21, parents think he's too young, I'm 25).
He did "offer" having a small wedding with just my side but I think thats pointless since a wedding is about the joining of two people and two families.
However, he's all for marriage and is excited about the marriage and "future" part. I org. wanted a big wedding but have skimmed it down tremendously. Its making me very sad and depressed. I feel like I've made many compromises and he hasn't and I feel like I'm being punished for his parents uninvolvement. I've always envisioned a wedding with my loved ones around. How do I make him understand how important it is for us to have a wedding?
2007-03-20 10:35:03 · 17 answers · asked by lemonheads 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Told him everything above but he still wont budge.
Also, suggested destination wedding but I want my parents and some friends there and he said it would be just like having a wedding here so whats the point.
The thing is, I want to have his parents and mine involved in some way and can't seem to find a way without him Vetoing it.
I already know he's being unreasonable. I need a way to make him see that he is being unreasonable.
2007-03-20 10:43:27 · update #1
Also, we have been talking about this a lot and everytime it comes to the point that we are both arguing and fighting over it.
He says that I just care about the "wedding" part and not the "marriage" part (which is ridiculous). I just dont talk about the marriage stuff because the wedding stuff comes first.
What kills me is that I KNOW he wants to marry me. He would marry me tomorrow if I said lets do it. But he just does not want a wedding.
2007-03-20 10:46:20 · update #2
Long story short about the age thing...
Knew him for 7 years b4 we started dating, started dating when he turned 18, been engaged already for a year. I don't mind waiting until next year to get married, one because he is still 21 and two, it gives me more time to plan whatever... but HE wants to get married THIS YEAR. He wanted to get married this June, but we settled for late this year.
2007-03-20 10:59:59 · update #3
If he wants to marry you, there WILL be a wedding. Any time you are getting married, it is still a wedding, even if there is no guest list it is STILL A WEDDING when you are exchanging vows and getting married at the courthouse.
What you're talking about is whether to have a wedding with a guest list, or a wedding with just the two of you plus the necessary witnesses.
It looks like the guest list issue is important to you, not to him.
You two need to compromise on this wedding planning stuff. If you can't make a joint decision on this, how will the rest of your life be, together?
21 is a tad bit early to get married, if you're in the USA. Are you sure this is the right time? Are you sure he is mature enough?
2007-03-20 10:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did offer a compromise. A wedding with your side of the family. I think that's the best you're going to get out of someone who doesn't want a wedding at all.
The most important thing is that you two love each other, not how you got married. Use the money you would have spent on a wedding as a down payment on a house. Then, his parents will realize that you two have a stable relationship and may be more supportive. Once you have their support, you can have a dinner party to introduce the two families.
2007-03-20 10:50:45 · answer #2 · answered by Galoshes 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think being open is the key , may be sitting down and having an easy uncomlicated talk about how u feel and how he feels will solve this , i think maybe u should try be understanding so that he talks to u comfortably and lets it all out because i am sure that in fear for your feelings maybe he isnt telling all there is to it behind his reasons for not having a big wedding , and im sure once u guys talk " softly " he will do what ever makes u happy bcause after all it doesnt matter if the wedding is small or big , u would want ur partner to also be happy on that fine day and so will he . best of luck i hope ur wedding works out just the way u want it :)
2007-03-20 10:43:22 · answer #3 · answered by babyKitten 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I would suggest compromise but it looks like you have already done a great deal of that. I would go ahead with a small but nice wedding with your side of the family and anyone on his side that DOES want to attend. I can't imagine when it comes down to it that his family will not attend. But perhaps that is the way they are.
The wedding doesn't have to be big. I got married at the JOP and thought it was the most romantic engagement I have ever attended. It is all in how you look at it.
Good luck!
2007-03-20 10:41:35 · answer #4 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Read everything you wrote, your being very selfish..sorry no easy way to say that...Everything your wrote was I want, I want, i want...What about what he wants??? You guy is right when he said its about the marriage not the wedding, mature for his age he is...Sure every little girl dreams of this fairy tale, things dont go are way all the time...I had the big to do wedding, if i had to do it all over again i wouldn't...To much of my time and energy went into this thing, i was exhausted.
If you love your man, then do something you both will remember, even if its just the court house...The world will not end and you two will live happily ever after.....
2007-03-21 09:22:14 · answer #5 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Caesar's suggestion, I'd sit down with him AND his parents and discuss the upcoming marriage and you may need to be open as to their opinions. I don't see what the big rush to get married is anyway, you're both still very young and need to get your "wild oats" sown and out of the way before ever thinking about settling down to marriage and kids. Have you thought about living together for a while to see if this IS what you both want? That may not fit into your moralistic beliefs but can settle any qualms with one of you have about being able to live together and succeed on a 24/7 basis. Maybe his parents would opt for that suggestion?
Good luck!!
2007-03-20 10:53:27 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call his bluff...tell him that you don't want to marry him anymore and that the relationship is over and you are calling off any wedding plans you have made. If he is shocked and asks you why, then tell him he is being very uncooperative and if that is the way your marriage is going to be, then he is not the right person for you. Tell him that marriage is a partnership and he is too devisive. Tell him that you are very upset and this wedding is very important to you and he should try to understand. Personally I think he is very stubborn and selfish and I also think he feels he is being pushed into this marriage. You should reconsider I think. He may be the wrong person for you.
2007-03-20 17:01:06 · answer #7 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your fiance didn't want to participate in a wedding, the fact that he is willing to have a destination wedding with just the two of you or a small ceremony with just your family is a compromise in itself. If he feels like his family shouldn't be included since they are not supportive of your marriage, you may have to come to terms with him not ever changing his mind on this issue. While it's nice to celebrate your wedding with both families and friends, what's most important is the union between the two of you. While it may not be the wedding you envisioned, you may need to reconsider a destination wedding with just the two of you or a small ceremony with your family. Just keep in mind that having a wedding will never be as important as your marriage.
2007-03-20 10:58:08 · answer #8 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not too many men are excited about organizing a wedding! In fact.. I can only think of one man who really got involved in the nitty gritty details. Since his family isn't that thrilled because he is so young (and I'm assuming that's their only objection... not that they dislike you!) why not have at least a 1 year engagement and plan for a small simple wedding. In a year's time they will know you better.. he will of course be a year older.. and your relationship will have proven itself to be solid... I'm betting that they will be happy to show up and you'll have the wedding you envisioned :)
Best of luck... :)
2007-03-20 10:54:28 · answer #9 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 2 of you ought to have a few severe talks and work out why he looks like he does. Maybe it is for the fine. You stated that you have been combating extra. That probably a element that matters him, and he has each and every correct to get up for his emotions. If you real love him, then do not crucify him right here. Be a woman and concentrate to his emotions. Figure out what the main issue is and paintings in combination to make matters bigger. It's going to take persistence on either one of your elements. You've going to need to concentrate to one another. But this will support you develop nearer in combination and can help you understand if the 2 of you'll paintings via problems as a pair. If now not, then it is bigger to uncover it out now than five years after the marriage ceremony. And you are appearing natural. You need to cry. Right now, I'd see if there's any rush to cancel your providers. (Such as: do you need to cancel by means of a precise date to get a higher refund? If so, and the ones dates are close, I'd cancel the ones. With the providers that do not subject seeing that you've gotten already potentially misplaced cash, I'd preserve off. You by no means understand what is going to occur 2 or 3 weeks from now. Your fiance could also be terrified for a few cause correct now, but when you are inclined to paintings at the side of him on private problems and questions, he could make a decision that he had no cause to believe like he did. The marriage ceremony probably on. Who is aware of? Just be style and deliver him a threat to paintings via this. And it is ok to cry. He has to count on that. I'd attempt to maintain from uncontrollable weeping in his presence if feasible, seeing that you wish to be equipped to speak. But he has to count on a precise quantity of crying. But he additionally demands to realise that he can not "repair" your crying, and please do not attempt to positioned him on a guilt shuttle. You wish a healthful marriage, now not one in which the fellow is afraid to make you cry. Hope this is smart. I'm so sorry, and understand that is so difficult. Just take it someday at a time. You'll make it!
2016-09-05 09:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋