& he just left a note asking his dad to come but not bring me.I honestly think it has to do with his mother and his age and all the new surroundings such as new baby which he seems to LOVE very much but I dont know what to do? He hates my daughter which is 6 & I try so hard to be the step mom & freind but he is so disrespectful to me when his dad isnt home i dont know how to handle this and only want to have a faimly what is the best way to handle this? What should we do?
2007-03-20 10:34:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i can understand wanting to celebrate his birthday as a family, but its rather obvious that he just wants some alone time with his father for his 13th birthday. i would suggest that the two of them spend the majority of the day together by themselves as a kind of father-son bonding thing. especially since a 13th birthday is a very important birthday as it is his very first official birthday as a "teenager". i would try to stay as close to his wishes as possible so as to not ruin the day for him. after all, it is HIS birthday. anyways, if you are still wanting to spend some time together as a family, i would suggest that later on in the day or even the day after, you all go out to the restaurant of his choice as a family and just have a nice dinner together. this will hopefully satisfy both you, and him.
2007-03-20 10:48:51 · answer #1 · answered by Lexa♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I saw this on a tv show once and I thought it would be a great idea for a step child. Does he have a room at your house? If so try what this woman did for her step-daughter. She bought a special door hangar fr the girls door and whenever the girl wanted some privacy she could hang it on the door and the woman wouldnt bother her. It got to a point where she would see that the daughter was having a bad day and she would hang it up for her knowing that it was going to be hung up anyway and it made the daughter feel that her feelings were respected around the house. Maybe that would be a good idea for him when he is staying at your house, but I would explain to him that because you are respecting his feelings that you would like to be treated with the same respect and wish that he would not speak to you in such a harsh manner. But stay calm, it will just fuel his fire more if you speak to him in a confrontational manner.
I dont know, I'm not a child of divorce and I am not a step parent myself, so maybe my idea is all hearts and flowers, when in reality it would be a terrible idea. You judge for yourself if its a good one. Good luck though, I am sure this is really tough for you.
2007-03-20 10:51:59 · answer #2 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance has a son that is his responsibility for ever.You know that if you have 2 children of your own?He's bitter because his Dad has to be shared X 2.That's the hard thing in a blended family,sharing.Until you are the WIFE let him go see his son alone.I can tell you this, I would never allow my EX to flaunt his fiance in front of me on my sons birthday,so give it a rest.If he hates you then maybe just stay the way you are, his Dad likes you and he's the one that suppose to marry you.You know how to treat a child and the child needs to know that you will not tolerate him being mean to your children.It's not as if he's a small child and will change his feelings, so be it.I would have thought all this out a long time ago.Thanks for 2.
2007-03-20 11:05:50 · answer #3 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. This kid is dealing with A LOT.
First his parents aren't together. Next his dad has a woman in his life that isn't his mother.
He's turning 13 which is difficult to begin with. He's lost his place in the family with this new baby. And he has to deal with a cute little 6 year old girl who vies for his father's attention.
Would YOU want to deal with all this?
I suggest you & your hubby find a counselor. There are good free or low cost ones in your city, usually partially funded by United Way.
One thing is that your hubby is going to have to DEMAND from his son that he treat you with respect. If the boy thinks he can divide & conquer, not only will he eventually lose, but you will lose as well,. because your marriage will be nothing but heartache.
2007-03-20 11:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly - love him anyhow. I was thrown into a blended family with a new baby when I was about his age, and for me it was having to share the attention that only I used to get, and having to accept someone new into my life. It will pass eventually although the road may be rocky getting there. Just be patient and he will come around.
If I were you - I might not attend just because that was his wish (as hurtful as it sounds) but that is something that is totally up to you. Going may provoke him further or it may reinforce the fact that you really do care for him.
Good luck & keep on keepin' on! :)
2007-03-20 10:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed that a lot of people are saying that the dad needs to take control. However, then that will make you appear weak to the kid. Then, he'll know you can't do anything and that you will just get the dad involved anytime there is trouble. Maybe, sit down and talk to him with your fiance. Just don't eliminate yourself from the equation.
2007-03-20 11:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by goaliegirl87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may feel threatened by a new women trying to be 'step mom' i know when my parents split i didn't want another dad or mom - i already had them. plus if he's an only child he might feel like you're taking his dad away somewhat.
try to be patience and kind and understanding he'll come around eventually, don't try to be his mom unless he has welcomed it. let his dad and him spend some time together and hard as it may be try to understand.
it'll work out! God bless.
2007-03-20 15:30:23 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oy i had an experience like this with an 8 year old who told me that she was going to do everything in her power to break me and her daddy up. and she did...and most of the reason why was because Daddykins never laid down the law with her. he basically believed everything that she said out of her mouth and she would say some different and very difficult things to me. i mean she was very extra toards me. but he never stepped in and said, hey this is my lady and you have to respect her. he kinda just allowed her and believed every lie she said and/or told on me. so i think that as long as his son can split you two up and you allow it, he will. as much as you want this work. The head of the household has to reinforce whatever you say or do. and he can absolutely not let his son dissrespect you. hang in there, soon everything will work out and things will be fine. let him know you are not trying to replace his mom and remember you two must be a united front.
2007-03-20 11:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for daddy to lay down the law. He needs to tell his son that whether he likes it or not you're an important part of his life and that he is to respect you at all times.
He's just being an obnoxious little troll because he wants to see what he can get away with or because he thinks that if he chases you away, mommy will come back. You and daddy also need to sit down and explain to him how you're both adults and explain how adult relationships work.
2007-03-20 10:47:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a son, i can understand why he doesnt like you. its hard to adapt when your real mom isnt around anymore and with a new woman in the house it can get really confusing. try not to get into a power struggle with him. he needs to understand that you love his dad very much and you would like to get to know him. tell him that youre not trying to replace his mom and that you just want to be his friend. give him time. dont try to control him or give him restrictions or anything. for the most part dont make too many rules. find out what he likes to see if theres something you can relate to, maybe give him girl advice
2007-03-20 10:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by iggins 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋