Has Anyone Adopted/Fostered A Family Members Child?

Question

And i don't want b.s answers or stupid immature replies, my situation is dead serious and time isn't on our side!
I'm 7 weeks away from delivering my 3rd child. I already have a 2y/o and 1y/o. Recently it came to our attention that my 6y/o neice (in-law) has endured some heinous abuse for a year and has been removed from her mother and placed with her grandparent's. Her grandparent's have been told due to their age and health they are not good candidates to raise this child, her mother is proven unfit and so is the father. No one else in the family is stepping up to help this little girl, except me and my husband, even then i have some major major concerns and would like to talk to somone who has been through this....who has adopted/fostered a relatives child and like i said - no childish pranks, no immature teens....just a serious adult who knows what they are talking about...i don't have time or tollerence for time wasters. This is an incredibly serious and upsetting situation.

I'm teared up at all of your responses.
Thank you all so so much for your heartfelt replies, they mean alot to me.
Cause, it's been hard to sleep over all of this but my husband and i have decided once and for all, we're going to do this - my fear, our fear, is her going back to her mother and this happening again, something i would never forgive myself for. After speaking to a proffesional it has helped ease my mind on many concerns. This is going to be uphill battle, we know that, but my neice needs a healthy family lifestyle, free from pain and abuse. I want to send you all hugs for your kind words, they truely mean alot to me.
Thank you.

Answer 1

I can understand where you are coming from, but it seems the best one that can raise that child is you and your husband. you have a kind heart and your children are lucky to have you two for parents. If you don't want the child to go to strangers. Adopt her or go for temp. custody of the child. so at least she will be with a family that knows her and knows that you will always be there for you. it will be hard but from what I can see you two can do it. she will be a very lucky girl to have you for parents. good luck. my prayers are with all of you. I would contact your lawyer and start the proceedings as soon as possible if you both decide to do it. you both will get rewarded at the end. you should be proud of yourself. because I am.

Answer 2

I have been in a similar situation for the last 5 years. I took legal gaurdianship of my cousins 2 children (they were 12 & 14 @ the time). I won't say that I am sorry that I did this, but at moments it has been a nightmare. In the beginning, I hade hope that their mother would clean up her act and come back for her children. I know realize that is not the case. As for their father, he wasn't fit to raise a dog at the time they moved in and nothing has changed in five years.

Knowing what I know today, I can not honestly say that I would put myself through this again. It does me good to hear that there are other families out there going through the same sorts of decisions that I have. Your husband and you obviously have big hearts and a lot of love to offer.
I think if I could offer any advice it would be this. Her young age will come to be a blessing. From experience I have come to believe that the younger a child is when their removed from a bad situation the better they are for it. Secondly, I would say that if you and your husband have talked and really want to do this, hold on to your generous hearts and loving nature. Work through everything as a family, keep extended involved to whatever lengths are beneficial to you and yours. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

I completely understand what you're going through, and my heart goes out to you and your niece. My husband and I are doing that now. A distant cousin of my husband's had her 3 yr old taken away for hideous physical abuse and neglect. She is now serving jail time for it and the little boy is with us. We are in the process of adopting him.

First of all, it's very admirable of you. Second of all, it's VERY difficult, probably moreso with a 6-yr-old. Our little guy is only 3, and he went to counseling 3 times a week in the beginnign. He is now down to once a week. We have been working very closely with his social worker and counselor, and they have been wonderful. But he has issues that we never imagined. He was terrified of us for the first few weeks, so bad he would even wet himself if my husband went anywhere near him (his mother's boyfriend beat him the most). He was also fairly aggressive for awhile. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of love and outside help. I would encourage you to not do this alone. My husband and I go to a support group and counseling ourselves to learn how to handle his special needs and I can't tell you how immensely helpful it has been. You will need this most of all, since you already have children and another on the way!! Hopefully you have other family who can help you out. We do not have any other children and he has consumed all of our time.

Your niece's social worker and counselor should be able to guide you through the process, if it's going to adoption. That can be pretty tricky. There are so many legal hills to climb, it's unreal. I would first talk with the social worker and figure out what steps need to be taken for adoption. At some point you will need to get an attorney involved.

Good luck and god bless you for stepping up and taking this on. It has been difficult but I wouldn't trade him or the experience for the world.

Answer 4

hi there, I have not been in this situation however I am a foster care and adoption worker for community resources. This is my job to place children in safe homes. I cant tell you how amazing you are that you have stepped up to the plate. Imagine this child having to go into foster care....living with a family she does not know. Life in foster care is not a picnic, most kids show difficult behaviors (attachment issues) and are bounced around from home to home their entire lives. She may be eligable for adoption to a different family (not sure if she is a permanent ward) however please remember that adopting out 6 year old children is very hard and many 6 years old and older are still on the waiting list to be adopted. If you can keep the child in your home, around people she is familiar with please do so, however make sure that it works for you because it is a big commitment. There is supports that community resources can provide too you, funding, health care services etc. Please think about this and coming from my view, seeing a child going into alternate care with family is soooooooo much better than seeing them bounce around in foster care! You are a beautiful person to consider this and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Although I have not done it, I know people who have! I have only fostered / adopted children who were not related to me! I am sure it can be difficult knowing the parents and them knowing you and where you live...but hang in there and do what you think is right! Just be sure you listen to your case workers and such and have the visitation be done by a professional...not yourself! That could put you and hubby in an uncomfortable situation.

Answer 6

when my cousin was 8 months old we adopted her. Her brother was abused (chained in a crib, starved, beaten, etc) he weighed 24 lbs at 4 yrs old but anyway we got him and his sister and ended up adopting his sister. It was hard but also such a blessing. She is not 8 yrs old and the love of my life. I prefer that kids be placed with family but unfortunally ti doens't always happen. I'm glad that your going for it. She needs you... Good luck