I'm having a bit of a situation. My father is and has always been a drug addict. he has never played much of a part in my life. He is not presentable what so ever. Whe I say drug addict I mean he's really bad, his current girl friend is a prostitute from the projects and he's been with her for 3 years. He has a tendancy to nod off. I've made the decision not to invite him to my wedding as he has not played a part in my life. His mom, my grandmother, is having a fit. She says I have to invite him. Remind you that me and my fiance are paying for the whole entire (20k) wedding our selves. Anyhow she's threatening that she will not go the the wedding if I don't invite him. I told her that I do want her there, but if she chooses no to attend that I am fine with that. I didn't want to sound mean, but I refeuse to let her or anyone else strong arm me into inviting him. So from an out side point of view do you think I'm outta line?
2007-03-20 09:15:10 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you handled it exactly the way you should have. She is the one out of line. Stand strong, it is your day and you get to invite who you want and not invite those you don't. You go, girl.
2007-03-20 09:20:02 · answer #1 · answered by itsjustfoolishness 3 · 5⤊ 4⤋
You are NOT out of line - your grandmother is. I can understand why she would love her son and want him to be part of your special day. she may even have vain hopes that he'd show up clean and sober and be a great father of the bride. You seem to have very good reasons to suspect otherwise. You have a couple of options. You could sit down and talk to your father and tell him how you feel. Tell him he's "blown it" - he knows he has so it will be no shock. But even drug addicts have hearts so maybe you can offer him a compromise. Tell him he is your dad and, if he can promise to clean up one afternoon, you'd like him to leave his girlfriend at their place, put on a rental tux and have his portrait taken with you in your wedding gown at your final fitting. Tell him you will cherish the photo and you will give him one for his wallet so he can use it as a reminder of the life he could have again one day. Then tell him you love "the old him" but you just cannot force his problems on your new husband and the whole family. He WILL understand. Ask him to talk to grandma and tell her to attend "for him". Then invite grandma and hope for the best. Drugs are terrible , they're the gift that keeps on giving and I hope a few druggies see your letter and realize how much their selfishness affects the whole family. Be happy!!
2007-03-20 09:30:21 · answer #2 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely in your right to invite whom you choose to YOUR wedding. If the old biddy were paying for the whole thing, that would be a different story, but since she's not, she needs to learn her place and learn to keep her mouth SHUT.
If you don't want your sperm donor (I'm sorry, but a father is one who is THERE for you, and yours has not been) to attend your special day, then by all means, do NOT invite him and do NOT submit to her emotional blackmail...because that's exactly what it is she's doing. And if she really doesn't show up, well tough for her...its her loss, not yours.
I wish you well for you wedding and your future. Don't let this put a damper on your day. Good luck!!
2007-03-20 09:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not out of line. You just need to be diplomatic about it:
"Wow, grandmother. I love you and love having you in my life. You know I am lucky to have a grandmother like you. Unfortunately, I cannot risk having my father at my wedding due to his problems and situation. I had hoped you'd understand, but you apparently don't. If you will not come to my wedding because of that, I will miss you, but hope you will continue to be a part of my and my future husband's lives. I just hope you know that I do still, and will always love you, despite this decision."
You could always throw in a little: "So, I will not bother to send you an invitation" since she is most likely trying to bully you and will want to be at your wedding despite who else is or is not invited.
2007-03-20 09:25:18 · answer #4 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are so totally RIGHT it's not funny! You're not out of line here, granny is. If you're paying for the wedding, you have the right to invite or not invite whomever you so choose. If you don't want the druggie dad and the hooker at your wedding, that's your choice. If granny doesn't want to come because her druggie son isn't invited, then that's granny's choice. Don't let that ruin or even cast a cloud on your day. Congrats and good luck!
2007-03-20 09:20:34 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding honey and you have a very good reason not to want your father there. The ultimatum that your grandmother gave you is just sad. I wouldn't invite him to the wedding either. As far as your grandmother, I would ask her if she is willing to miss out on seeing you get married just b/c of a disagreement. It's her decision if she doesn't come, but she is missing out and might never forgive herself for it.
Good Luck and Congratulations!!
2007-03-20 09:22:26 · answer #6 · answered by fairiesbreath 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let me teach you a very important lesson i learned after many years of marriage...stop worrying about everyone else and thinking about all the "HAVE TOs"!! It is your wedding - you are paying for it - you need to worry about what you and your future husband want and that's that!!!
i'm not trying to be mean or heartless, but it doesn't sound like your Dad is much of a Dad nor has he been a part of your life! so, why should you fake it and make nice with him and invite him to your wedding? for everyone else? no!! it's a special day for you and your fiance and the people that love you. you need to be able to relax and enjoy yourself and i'm sure you wouldn't be able to as much if you were worried about your dad and his girlfriend and what they were doing or how they were acting!!
i hope it all works out the way you want it to!!
congrats & good luck!
2007-03-20 09:20:50 · answer #7 · answered by Suzanne 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree. I was in a similar situation. I chose to have my 14 year old brother give me away. I made some family members up set, but in the end it was the best decision. My fiancee (now husband) was very supportive on the personal issues I faced. I am hoping yours is the same.
2007-03-20 09:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
absolutly not...I understand your grandmothers feelings to an extent, but when it comes down to it its your day and this seems like it would be terribly awkward to have him there....I have to say that if I was in the same boat as you I wouldn't invite him either, it would be one thing if yall had just had a falling out, but this is a far more serious issue and a wedding is a joyous time and shouldnt be ruined by hard feelings....I think you handled her very well!
2007-03-20 09:25:08 · answer #9 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want him there, don't invite him and don't let anyone guilt-trip you into having him there. I have a similar situation with one of my brothers, he's the druggie and so is his wife and I am flat out refusing to invite them to my wedding. My sis is upset with me about it, but I don't want to be around that and have it ruin my special day. Stay strong and good luck!
2007-03-20 10:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by bg918 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its your wedding and considering you are paying for the enitre thing and your father has never been a part of your life i think you definitly made the right decision. you dont want someone there that may ruin this special day for you!
Congratulations on the Big day!
2007-03-20 09:19:54 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋