Last may, my mum went in to hospital for a routine op, unfortunately a mistake was made during the operation. She ended up ICU and had to stay in hospital for 2 mths. She had to go back in february to finally fix the problem. Since then she has been very weak and aneamic , but slowly but surely she is getting her strength back.
My aunt and cousins in the U.S, keep on pressurizing her into letting them come over to visit and it starting to cause a rift in the family.
We live a flat apartment and have 3 rooms and normally when someone comes over we usually give them mum's room and squash up together. But because of my mum's condition, she must be comfortable and needs the whole bed to do that.
My mum is also that kind of person, who doesn't rest when someone comes over, the house has to be spotless and that person must have the best of everything e.g. food + enterainment. There's no way that she would let any visitor sleep on the floor...........
2007-03-20 08:24:30 · 41 answers · asked by Blackout 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My brother is a complete ****, he is the most selfish person I know. He lives at home despite being 28 ( I have to share a room with my little brother because of him) , earns more than my mum but puts no money into the running of the house. He’s not the sharpest tool in the box either. He’s been telling my aunt, that mum is anti social and she should come over despite all the problems. He had a go at her for being selfish, and made her cry.
My mum keeps on telling my aunt and cousins that it is not the right time for them to come, but they keep on pressuring her.
. I’m 18, I feel like I should step in and talk to them, because they really need to stop, I’m a bit scared to do so ( I don’t want to upset anyone) my mum has told me not to, But this all needs to stop.
What should be done? What could I do stop all this ?
Any ideas
p.s. Sorry it being sooo long, but I had to fully explain
2007-03-20 08:25:23 · update #1
You sound like a lovely caring daughter. I would just tell it to your aunt straight like you did on here. "I'm very sorry, but Mum just isn't up to a major visit yet, she's not well enough and the excitement of you visiting will be too much for her and I don't want her back in hospital. If you could wait till next year when hopefully she'll be fully fit, then we'd love to see you then and I think having that to look forward to will help Mum's recovery."
I don't see how anyone decent could argue with that. As for your berk of a brother, sorry can't help there, but you're right someone should make him wake up to himself, but probably best not you.
2007-03-20 08:32:00 · answer #1 · answered by KB 5 · 15⤊ 0⤋
For a start someone needs to tell your brother to pay his way or leave! Then when he gets his own place your aunt etc can stay with him if he is moaning about people being anti social.
Is there no way that your aunt and cousins could stay with another relative or in a hotel so that they can come and see you mum during the day but give her time to re couperate.
Families are hard work and they are all so selfish and pig headed sometimes - but at the moment your mother really needs rest and that should be the main thing on everybody minds.
Your brother sounds really nasty abusing your mother like this - he needs to grow up and start taking care of the woman who has looked after him for the past 28 years
Good luck xx
2007-03-20 08:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Interesting dilemma.
I know you would fix it all with a snap of your fingers if you could, but it isn't that easy. You have been placed in a difficult situation.
I would speak to your aunts and tell them exactly what you have said here and that if they want to come help you really appreciate it; but you have no room, and they might make it more difficult for your mom if they are crowded into your flat. They might have to think about finding another place to stay at their own expense. If you have relatives in the area perhaps the visitors could stay there?
Also, it is long past time your family contacted a lawyer about a malpractice suit. Contact the best law firm in your area and say: "A mistake was made during my mom's operation. We have gone through a lot of hardship and need legal help. Will any lawyers in your firm either take a pro bono case or realize we cannot afford to pay unless they win the case? If no one is willing to take the case in your law firm, can you direct me to the second best law firm in the area?"
Good luck.
2007-03-20 09:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your mothers illness. I hope she recovers quickly. I also want you to know I think you are a very mature 18 year old who is concerned for his mother not yourself.
I can understand the added pressure of having house guest when you are not feeling well. After reading your question, it seems that the family members that are wanting to come "visit" are really just wanting a place to stay while they vacation. If this is the case, then someone needs to make it clear that the reason the "timing" in not right is due to you mothers health.
If they want to visit, but stay in a hotel, then I think that may be different, but doesn't sound like that is what they have in mind.
If it were my mother, I would say gently, but firmly, mom, I'm telling aunt whoever that as we would enjoy a short visit, we can not accommodate them at this time. You could say to them that if they decide to come for a visit but to stay in a hotel, a day visit would be arranged.
Hope this helps and good luck to you and your family!
2007-03-20 08:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by oklady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a treasure ! your mum must be very proud to have such a lovely caring daughter.
Tell your brother to butt out, unless he is prepared to give up his room and contribute to the family expenses he has no say in the matter.
Of course your mum doesn`t want to tell the relatives not to come, that would be admitting she is less than well.
However I think in this case you must take over and mother your mother!
Contact your relations and explain that it is not possible for them to stay with you because mum is not well enough. You could offer to find them accommodation in the area so they can visit while in the country . You could also explain that your mum gets upset when they pile on the pressure and you would consider it a favour if they didn`t ask again.
2007-03-20 08:36:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about our mom, but it's good that she is getting better. Her health is your top priority. Personally, I say call your relatives in the US and explain the situation to them. Let them know exactly what is going on and what your mother's health is like right now. Then if they insist on visiting, find them a nice hotel near your home. Tell them that your mom needs her rest and she can't handle a stressful situation of having visitors over and staying the night. If you know that your mom likes to be the perfect hostess when guests come over, you and your little brother (because your older brother sounds useless) get the place together. Cook and clean to the best of your ability and if your aunt and cousins do come to visit, don't be afraid to kick them out when the visit gets to be too much for your mom. I have a sister who is pretty sick, so I understand what you are going through, but if you lay down the rules prior to anyone coming, your mom can still enjoy a visit with your aunt and cousins and your US relatives would feel better now that they have seen your mom. Good luck and I wish a speedy recovery for your mom!
2007-03-20 08:34:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Asuka, your mum is really lucky to have you to look out for her. Yes, you must speak to your aunt and make sure that she knows the true situation with regard to your mum as it sounds like your brother may not have explained it clearly. If they insist on coming over, then send them the names and addresses of some local hotels and tell them that they will have to stay there and visit your mum when you are there - so that they don't take advantage of her. It is possible that when you explain to them they may realise that it really isn't a good time to expect your mum to look after them right now. Perhaps, when your mum is well on her way to recovery, they may have her, and you, over to the US to help her recuperate instead!
You also need to speak to your brother and explain that as he is earning such good wages he should contribute to the family home and not expect your mum to support him totally on her lower wages as it is probably causing her unnecessary stress, especially in her condition. After all, he's obviously a big boy now! Perhaps, he doesn't think and would appreciate you giving him a nudge!
You must have confidence in yourself and stand up for what you know is right. Do you have any other family or friends that can support you? If not, I promise you that when you decide on a course of action, then it really does get easier when you put your plan in to action! Be firm and positive and don't back down!
All best wishes to you and your mum.
2007-03-20 08:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by Purple 8 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Ya, your'e a Good Girl I can tell. Ask your Mum would she like you to tell the Yankees that Now at the moment is not a good time for her to get visits, and that could they leave it for another while, until she gets herself stronger. If they insist on coming over just explain to them that you havn't got the room anymore, but you can get them details of a local B & B, that should put them off. Hope I have helped you, when I was 14 my Mum took critically ill, and I know how you feel having to run and organise everything without help. Take care.
2007-03-20 08:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by 40inApril 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a tough situation. I'm really sorry to hear about your poor mum. And it sounds like you're coping with a lot.
You're 18 and an adult - I think you should step in. Call your aunt and explain that your mum is really ill still. It would be lovely to see her at some point, but it's just not appropriate for her to visit right now. If she wants to come over anyway, suggest the names of some hotels or B&Bs.
Make sure to be polite and stay calm. Don't slag your brother off too much, but you could gently point out that he doesn't really have a lot of understanding of your mother's situation, and you're concerned that he's not really giving an accurate picture of the situation.
Stick to your point. The first rule of assertiveness is just to think of one basic argument, and keep stating it calmly and politely but firmly. Don't let anyone drag you off the point. The point here is very simple: your mum is ill, and her recovery is the most important thing.
After you've spoken to your aunt, you could have a word with your brother about his role in the household. He does sound like a ****. I'm surprised your mum hasn't chucked him out - he's definitely far too old to be living at home. Perhaps you could suggest to him that, if he's so keen for your aunt to come over, he should think about getting his own place to invite her to?
Good luck - be brave!
2007-03-20 08:36:46 · answer #9 · answered by Saint Bee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
God bless you for caring and sweet daugther you are to your mom. Hope your mother gets better soon, as she needs good restful recovery now. I would definitely let your aunt and cousins know that your mother has just been ill and will need a good amount of time to recuperate. Could they perhaps reschedule in the future at a better time? Would they be willing to stop by just for a visit while they stay at a nearby hotel/hostel? That could be arranged.
Your mother sounds like mine always caring entertaining making sure she always cooks extra in case someone stops by. BUT, that is tiresome and entertaining guests and making sure they have their needs met ,is time consuming and takes a lot of energy out of her, especially with such an illness.
Your MOM comes first and her health. If your mom insists to them that they cannot come, then the relatives are boorish, and disrespectful.
2007-03-20 09:09:14 · answer #10 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you only have your mother's well-being in heart. I would quietly tell you aunt and cousins what is going on. I believe that if they knew the full story they wouldn't be pressuring.
If they already knew the full story and are still pressuring then I would take a firmer stance and completely argue that your mother is not well yet and that they know her behavior when guests are there.
As for your brother I'm sorry. You haven't mentioned your father so I guess he's out of the picture. It sounds like your mother really needs to take a firm hand with him, or give you permission to do it.
I think you are a strong and good person. Good luck with everything and I hope your mother recovers from everything with no more complications.
2007-03-20 08:35:02 · answer #11 · answered by ambr95012 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋