Moms and Dads, please answer. How do you deal with the ever day stress of having a baby?

Question

My baby is seven months old. I love her to death but she is very, very whinny! I knew that being a parent would be a very demanding job but I am so stressed! I work two jobs and try my best to take care of the house, but I am going insane!!!!

My husband and I have NO love life (in fact, we are more like roomates). I don't even sleep in the same bed with him anymore, the dogs sleep with him. Everything is so screwed up. How do you deal with the HUGE changes that a baby brings?

NOTE: Please, no rude answers. If your answers is rude, please refrain from answering for I am looking for serious advice. Thank you.

Answer 1

I have 3 kids and I know what you are talking about! My house is a mess too, and we are trying to sell it :). As far as the bed thing- YOU NEED TO BE WITH YOUR HUBBY. Get your little baby in her own bed in her room. My kids have always slept in their beds because my husband and I need some alone time. Yes there will be screaming, but i promise you she will get over it. I think they need to learn to have alone time too- it is important.
Wow, 2 jobs that is a lot. Before you go into the house, take a 5 minute break. Turn off the car and sit in the silence and breath. Then go in hopefully a little refreshed and take care of what needs to be taken care of. Can you pay somebody to take care of your little one at home and help with the laundry? That might help a bit. Also, try to get her on a bed time schedule/routine. This will help her learn to go to bed by herself so you can be yourself too.
My oldest one is 5 and already thinks she is so big. Love the babiness of your baby- it won't last forever.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. I had all the same problems, then thought about themthen felt worse, then felt even worse for getting angry/stressed with my baby,.

I think 99% of mothers go through exactly the same thing. Im guessing this is your first child, but I can assure you this won't last for ever. Waking up through out the night every 3/4 hrs will stress anyones life and put strain on any relationship. Your bubby is probably teething or suffering with colic or something, both things that don't last forever thank god! Once baby is a few months older, they'll be sleeping more and crying less, you'll be sleeping more and stressing less.

For the meantime. Is it possible to lighten your work load at all? Can you give up one of your jobs if financially possible. If your husband doesn't work perhaps he could get a job to help with money, or he could help with the house chores to give you a little more free time.

I think everyone in your situation thinks HELP I'm going crazy, but you're not, there's no cure, you just have to learn to live with it. I doubt if you and your husband need counselling really, unless the problems were there beofre the baby came along. It'll all fit back into place once babys a bit older and you get used to having an extra (whinny) person in the house.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I know that being a mother is a very demanding job. Sometimes it just takes time. Many parents try to put their babies on a schedule. Some parents live by what the baby needs and when they need it. Try one of these methods for a while, and see how it works out. This is my advise. Learn that the baby is now the boss. But that doesn't mean that you can have no life at all. You and your husband should take turns with the baby. Let him watch the baby while you take a relaxing bubble bath or go to a spa. Then switch and let him go and do something for himself...i.e. play golf or watch a ball game. I love both of my kids dearly. My son is now 17 months and he was very whinny and didn't sleep very well. Once I got him on a decent schedule, I calmed down. In ohter words, I could plan my day around his schedule. Sleep when the baby sleeps, even if it's only for an hour. One thing that can make a child whinny at seven months is possibly teething or ear infections. Take her to a doctor to make sure she's not ill, and if she's not, just try different methods of calming her down. Having kids is learning by trial and error. Every baby has one thing that calms them. Just don't give up. It gets better before it gets worse. Good Luck

Answer 4

Well, you hit the nail on the head with the HUGE changes... This is just the 7 mo. part. Wait till she starts dating. Seriously, take every day on its own merit. Schedule time with your hubby. Put it on the calendar. She can't read. She doesn't know what it is. Getting a sitter is too expensive because then you'll need a motel room. So, catch the moments as they come. As for her whiny-ness, you should be setting appropriate boundaries now. Well, 3 months ago, but there's no time like the present. While you won't be "disciplining" her (spanking, time out or withdrawel of privileges), you do need to discipline her by rewarding good behavior and start teaching her appropriate behavior. Make sure here physical and emotional needs are met and then allow her time to discover things that interest her, like the mobile you put over the crib, or the vast array of toys she has, etc. Obviously this is a short answer for a complex question and tomorrow it starts anew with more questions. Just take some time to breathe. Relax. It's not rocket science and millions of other people are doing it, you can too! Focus on the big picture and these little things disappear. Really they do! I have a 12 and 14 yr. old and we survived toddlerhood just fine, a few scars but we survived.

Answer 5

What you are dealing with is extremely similar to what every parent endures at this early stage of a baby's life. Every parent who has or has had a baby knows all too well the stress a baby places on their lives. It makes me very frustrated when a woman pretends that all is perfect and she has everything under control and that she's doing it all herself. It used to make me feel inadequate as a person and inadequate as a parent when I'd hear women say how everything was great .

I know the main issue for me and probably for you as well is sleep deprivation. It is the one thing during this stage we have very little control over and is the very reason we feel stressed and see our lives falling apart. The only suggestion I can make is to take advantage of every possible minute to get some rest. I know you mentioned that you have two jobs so I understand there is very little time in your life to get in a good nap but even a short 15 or 20 minute one as often as you can will refresh you and make you better equipped to handle the stresses of day and night. I used to take naps during my lunch hour as crazy as that sounds because I needed that time to rest up. At home I'd force myself to take a nap when the baby did. I have to admit my house was not in any condition for company because everything would get tossed to the side. But I came to terms that it was okay to resort to a messy house if it meant my sanity.

As far as your husband is concerned and your sleeping conditions this won't last forever either. I know of many including myself who lived this way for a while. It's not uncommon so don't think you're strange. Everything will get back to normal as the baby gets a little older. While life is forever changed with this new little person in your lives and your priorities different I can assure you it will get better. I promise it will. Think of it as temporary, come to terms that the baby is the one who calls the shots now, and go with it. You'll be fine. I wish the best for the three of you and the dogs, too of course. Take care! :)

Answer 6

I think a lot of your stress probably comes from working two jobs. I stay home full time with my son and I am still exhausted and sometimes stressed at the end of the day. I couldn't imagine trying to balance housework, "baby time" and TWO jobs!! Is there any way you could reduce your responsibilities a little to give yourself some more down time??

As far as your love life goes...don't feel bad. MOST couples go through the same problems when they have a new baby. It has a lot ot do with exhaustion and lack of sleep, as well as your body's readjusting hormone levels. Don't stress too much about it, your sex life WILL recover.

Answer 7

I can relate... we have 14 month old twins - talk about stress! We still don't have a love life... by the time we get the kids bathed, and to bed then clean up the toys and the kitchen, we're both exhausted... but we make the most of the time we have together.... snuggle while watching a show or just talking about our day. It is hard being a parent. When I start to feel down about things, I look at the twins and remember that we created them out of our love for each other...
A lot of things have happened to you (from the pregnancy) and to your hubby as a result of being parents. I would try to talk to him about your feelings... everything takes TIME!
Good luck to you both - you could always kick the dogs out of the bed and crawl in with your man... :-)

Answer 8

why is your baby so whinny, baby's can feel the stress level and they react, there is no reason for no love life, you and your hubby should have a date night, maybe you could cut down work, i have 5 kids and the youngest is 6 months, we go without things so i can be at home with my kids, I'm not suggesting staying at home but maybe only one job, your child is only this young once, trust me they grow fast, my oldest just turned 17, and I'm wondering where the time went, it sounds like your stress is not from the baby but other things going on , maybe you need a time out, take a breather and reevaluate what you want your priority's to be, get into a working moms support group, to help with stress and get some support and ideas on how better to deal, at this point in your baby's life you should be filled with joy, they are getting to be so much more fun, i would hate to see you miss out on that

Answer 9

You NEED to have a date night - once a week, once a month - something. Where you and your hubby go out - no baby. You need to get the two of you closer together first. Then you can be a better, happier mommy. Is he helping you out any? He should. Also - the baby should be sleeping in her own room - then you and your hubby can start sleeping in the same room again.
I know it's tough (I have a 7 yr old, 4 yr old and 3 month old at home), But - TRUST me - enjoy her while she's young. They grow up so fast. Before you know it - it will be time to take her to school.

Answer 10

First, can you give up one of your jobs? Then, take things one at a time, you and your husband need to share the responsibilities, both with the baby and the household. And you won't die from a dirty house, let things go once in a while. Your baby will stop whining eventually, will become more independent, and not need so much of your attention. Then, try working on your relationship, arrange for a babysitter, and go out for a date. A real date, get dressed up, go someplace nice, maybe park for a while and make out, or even get a motel room. You will get through this, but you both have to work at it.