Engagement Question?????

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 3 months now and are very serious (as in marriage and engagement talk). Just recently 2 of my younger cousins (ages 25 and 21) have gotten engaged. My boyfriend want to propose, but is aprehensive now because 2 of my close family members just got engaged. They are getting married in September & October of this year. His concerns are that no matter when he proposes he will get compared to them. If he proposes soon, then he will be seen as a copycat, if he waits until right before their weddings then he thinks that we will be in a sense stealing the lime light, and if he waits then my family will question why he is taking so long to do it. He feels a lot of pressure right now. We are going home to see my family in a couple of weeks. Do you guys have any advice on this situation or on ways that he can propose to me so that we won't be doing any of the aforementioned things? Thanks so much for your help!

Thank you all for the great advice. I guess that his concern is that no matter what kind of ring he buys me or when he proposes that we will always be in third place. I'm the oldest of my cousins and family that is not engaged or married. My 2 cousins who got engaged are 25 and 21. The 25 year old is a guy and 21 is a girl and they are brother and sister. The 25 year old cousin and his girlfriend were dating for 8 months and got engaged and the 21 year old and her boyfriend for 6 months, so that's why he feels pressure. Here we have been dating 1 year and 3 months and I still don't have a ring. He said he doesn't have the money for a ring and is trying to save up, but its going to take him a very long time to do it to get me a ring that is $500 or less.

And one other thing, I am catholic and my boyfriend is Presbyterian. He refuses to get married in a Catholic church. My cousin Lucas (25 year old) is Catholic and his fiance is Presbyterian. She will get married in the Catholic church, but there won't be a mass. My boyfriend is worried that my family won't care for him after they find out we aren't getting married in a Catholic church and he will be compared to Lucas' fiance.

Answer 1

How bizzarre the exact same thing has happended to me!!!!!!!

Okay so this past summer two of my cousins, also in their early 20's and sibilings got engaged. They're both planning a July and November wedding. Well this past Septemeber my fiance proposed to me. I felt kind of weird like it was a copy cat situation. What's funny is we're having a May wedding. So not only did I get engaged after my two cousins, but I"m also getting married before them.

I'd just tell him, like you mentioned that what you two have is special. Just because your cousins are getting married doesn't mean you have to put restrictions on your own relationship. It may seem weird to them, but they'll get over it and it will actually wind up being fun. You can brainstorm on wedding plans.

Answer 2

It's your life together that should be more of a concern rather than 'when' you get engaged. If little issues like this bother him, you have to wonder what will happen in your married life together when the s**t hits the fan for some unforseen crisis you both unexpectedly experience in your life.

Marriage is a partnership. It has to be right for both people - and that includes all timing and circumstance. If there is any 'anxiety' or 'question' about 'when it is right' - timing isn't right --- regardless of if your cousins just got engaged.

Does that make sense?

When it's right, you both will know it. The 'engagement' process doesn't have to be 'perfect' or 'romantic' -- when the timing is right it will become both of those things because it's the right person, and the 'moment' that the engagement happens will be spontaneous, unexpected and not planned for a certain time.

If you both know you want to spend the rest of your lives together - that's what matters. 100 cousins, friends and such can get engaged at the same time, but what matters most, is that YOU BOTH know YOUR relationship is right, no matter what. And the 'proper moment' when you get engaged will happen without any regard to timing.

Just love each other. Respect each other. Stay focused on what matters most inside the relationship. Engagement and marriage will follow ... never succumb to pressures of everyone else. What matters is you both know it's right at the right time.

Best of luck to you both.

Answer 3

Something will always come up-first its the cousins engagements, then its their weddings, then Christmas, then someone is ill, then someone is pregnant...just face it, life happens! He should propose when you and he are ready...and if its now, maybe you and your 2 cousins could have the fun of planning your weddings together or at least bouncing ideas off each other!


I think he needs to stop comparing himeself to everyone else. Personally, I think nobody who has been dating less than a year should get engaged, but that's me. What's their rush? And, as for the religion aspect, he needs to either agree to get married in the Catholic Church or understand that your family may be upset, and he will have to deal with that. My fiance's family is very involved with their church (Catholic) and he was adamant about us not getting married in a church, while I didn't care one way or the other. We just made another plan (St Thomas) and told them matter of factly that this was our plan, and let them digest it all.

Answer 4

I am engaged and so is my brother and my fiance's brother. I would have never thought about competition or stealing lime lights at all. It's actually really nice to be engaged at the same time because we are all helping each other out. It's great having others go through what you are going through. Plus, not only can you share tips and ideas, but wedding items!

PS- you guys have not been dating that long. It's silly for you to feel like you should be engaged because your younger cousins who haven't even dated their fiance's very long are. Those youngsters are definitely rushing things by getting married while they are still in the lust stage. Take your time. I think 1yr 3 months is too soon!

Answer 5

Hi! I'm sure you've got plenty of encouraging and thought-provoking emails and I just wanted to add my two cents in hopes of helping you out. I'm 25 and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 yrs. If there's any advice I could give you, it would be to enjoy the dating phase and put off getting engaged until after your cousins' wedding frenzies are over. You should not have to share the limelight with anyone, and neither should your cousins. Once their days are over, you'll get the attention you deserve without everyone getting fed up of all the wedding talk (and the wedding SPENDING too! Those gifts aren't cheap!). Enjoy your life now and be grateful you've found each other. Good luck!

Answer 6

I say split the difference....yea you don't want to be right in the middle of the wedding hoop-la, but you probably don't want to get engaged right before either....maybe he could do it this summer and be sorta in the middle? And ya'll are very smart to wait a little longer, I say make sure this is right, and if that takes you a year and a half, then thats fine, as long as its right, not just cuz its what feels good then or its cuz what everyone else is doing. My fiance and i had been dating almost 3 years when we got engaged last march and almost 4 for our wedding that is saturday, nothing wrong with it and it really worked out best for both of us to wait a little longer! (never thought I'd hear myself say that!) good luck!

Answer 7

sounds to me that your problems are with your family and his family. How about you two dont worry about what others think and focus on what the two of yous want. If marriage is what you both want than let him save up enough money for a ring and either it be next month or right before the other wedding let him propose. If none of the family is going to be happy about it or mad because they think your "copying, or trying to take the attention away from them" than they need to grow up and stop acting like brats! Go at your own pace and be where you want to be, if you think its best to wait till next year than wait, if your parents or his are not happy with it than too bad. You two havent been dating for years! Just over a year, that not that long. But if its this year you two want to than go for it! Stop worrying about what others are wanting for you or what they will think. This is not a game this is your life, do what you two think is best.
Congrats.

Answer 8

They are your cousins not siblings. Therefore tell him to propose whenever he wants. It would be a big deal if it were siblings getting married cause then you would want to wait until after their weddings to get engaged. BUT these people are not in your immediate family (they didnt live WITH YOU). Although if they did live in your home like they were siblings then wait until after their weddings. Otherwise get engaged asap and just dont get married within 4 months of their weddings. (because relatives need time to save up money to buy you gifts too)

Answer 9

Sounds like just an excuse, actually. A mature man would not give a hoot about your family members getting engaged and planning weddings! Sheesh! If he wants to wait, fine, you two haven't been going out very long anyway. Just let him know that none of this extended family stuff matters, and make sure he believes it from you. Then he can make up his own mind when and if he asks you. Quit prodding him....

Answer 10

Nobody would view him as a copycat or "stealing the limelight". That is something he's worked up on his own from nervousness most likely. An engagement is a happy occasion and all will be happy for you, just be sure you dont plan your wedding too close to the other relatives since theirs are already so close together anyway.