Fear/Laughing Stock?

Question

All my life, I've been bullied & picked on. I've had to fight people that are bigger, faster, stronger, or tougher than me. I'm 26 years old, & I've been fearing for my life for 21 years. Yet, I made a promise to my great grandmother & myself in 2005, that I will not be a punching bag anymore! In 2004, I started taking martial arts, but in 2005, I quit for 1 reason: I'm sick & tired of being a laughing stock in & outside of my family! I made to green belt before I quit, but kept training. From time to time, I practice my combos, but still don't think I'll ever be good enough to defend myself. How would a martial artist know they can defend themseles if they don't get a chance to do so? And, how come people make fund of others that have taken martial arts, but don't make fund of those people that do the same thing on T.V.?

Answer 1

First of all, let me say that I am truly sorry for you. Nobody deserves to be mistreated in any way, especially by their own family.

You should continue to train at a reputable school. Do not be concerned with how you are perceived by others. Their lack of respect for you is their problem, not yours. You are correct in saying that you will never truly know if you can defend yourself until the day that you actually have to. However, the more you train, the more confident you will be come. People who project an air of confidence do not look like victims and often are able to avoid bullies because they don't see you as an easy target. Bullies prey on those that are weaker than they are. If you project strength and confidence, they may think twice and move on to an easier target.

You cannot demand respect from your friends and family, but if you respect yourself, others will follow.

Answer 2

Like other posters said, I'm sorry you've been picked on and bullied, that really sucks.

Having said that, it seems from your post that you 1. quit martial arts because other people were laughing at you and 2. you don't think you'll ever be good enough to defend yourself.

In response to your first concern: you will never "get" people to stop laughing at you until you learn to respect yourself. There will always be someone better than you, always be someone who can kick your *** no matter how good you get. Your problem is that you have no confidence in the skills you already have, you are ashamed of yourself, and you let other people's laughter get to you. You need to quit caring about what other people think.

In response to your second concern: the only way to find out if you are "good enough" is to "practice," and in martial arts, that means sparring with a real live person. At the beginning, you may feel stupid and humiliated, but that is how you learn. You might not be the most physically gifted or talented or strongest or biggest, but you do control what and how you learn, and with practice, you will improve.

You need to move from a victim mentality to a warrior mentality. Try reading The Book of Five Rings (Miyamoto Musashi) and other martial arts classics to transform your way of thinking. It's ok to be scared, and in fact, fear is adaptive. The point is that you can either use your fear to progress or to limit yourself.

Here's a story: I've taken kickboxing classes for the last four years. When I first started, in one of my classes there was a disabled man in a wheelchair. I don't know what his history or condition was, but that guy was there every week. He could barely lift his arms to punch the bag, but he kept up with the rest of us. When the teacher yelled at us to punch with weights or hit the mitts, he yelled at this guy, too, and he would swing at the mitts as best he could. No lie, one day I looked over, and this guy's biceps were huge! I couldn't believe it. But that's not the important thing. The important thing was that he had the respect of every single person in that class because we all knew that mentally, he was stronger than all of us put together. No one ever laughed at him, ever.

Moral of the story: you have to respect yourself first of all. Easier said than done. If you don't feel it, fake it. Pretend to be someone else. You're young, you're only 26. You can do it. Don't go through life thinking like a victim.

Answer 3

They make fun of you because you let them do so. A true martial artist doesnt care what others say because they know that when push comes to shove, they can defend themselves. However most martial arts teach to walk away, they all teach how to counter, but never go in first. Also almost all martial arts have competitions for that art, just go to a competition and see how you rank, but you will want to get back into training before you do this, otherwise there will be a big reason to be laughed at, the fact that you werent prepared.

Answer 4

Being bullied is sometimes a part of life, the smartest thing is to avoid fights, sadly they are sometimes necessary.
It's a good thing that you decided a punching bag, but you didn't mention what martial art you took. Being a green belt on any martial art (or a black belt) doesn't guarantee you can defend against any opponent. It helps your confidence, discipline and overall fitness. People don't make fun of martial artists on tv because on tv it's just for entertaining, unless is actual fighting like MMA.
If you want to learn a martial art that really helps you learn how to defend yourself, I suggest boxing, muay thai boxing or brazilian jiu-jitsu, there are other good ones around, such as kyokushen karate, shidokan karate, wrestling and judo (and others I don't know about)

Answer 5

Two things:

First, learning the martial arts teaches you to filter out the noise in both your training and in your real life. You need to focus and keep the naysayers at bay.

Second, you may need to seek some other kind of help because it seems to me that you are judging (or in your case, the stopping of your training) yourself based on other's perception. Yes, they are family but that only makes it that much harder to accept their criticisms. Never judge your goals and accomplishments on the accolades of others. What is important in the martial arts and in life is YOU.

The samurai never did that. Yes, they fought for feudal lords but look at it this way: If they didn't train and continue training, they would die in combat. So who gives a crap what the feudal lord thought. He can replace his samurai. A samurai cannot replace himself.

It always comes down to the individual in life and the martial arts. My instructor, an 8th degree, said to me, "You'll never master the martial arts until you can master yourself."

Hoo-yah!

Answer 6

I am not sorry for you, and you shouldn't be sorry for you either.
You dont proove anything to your grandma and to anyone else.
You proove it to yourself that you can and will do it.
You already started. So finish it off.
You are a real Martial Artist, and you'll only get what you put into it.
The more you put, the better you will be, which is the same all with life.
Now, to know if a martial artist can really defend themselves , you need to do sparring, which is training fighting, and if your Dojo doesn't allow you, then switch automatically.

Thanks for your time and I love you allot man, thats why I hope you the best in this life.

Answer 7

If you have confidence in yourself then it does not matter what others think. If you like taking martial arts then why did you quit. Because they didn't think you were cool? Who gives a crap. If you like it, do it and tell them that is why you do it. And tell them if they have a problem with it, not to bring it up to you. Stand up for yourself, not only physically but against words. You are your own person not what others make of you.

Answer 8

sounds like if you never heard of the way to test yourself you are at a really s hitty school. likely a Mcdojo (place that doesnt' really teach you to fight but just takes your money).

S-P-A-R-R-I-N-G

it is what separates real martial artists from the "chi masters" and pretenders.

You need to train with resistance.

training "co-op" all the time is called dancing, not martial arts.

tip tap point sparring is not sparring, it is martial tag.

You want it to look more like a boxing match than a game of "duck duck goose".

Answer 9

Get back in class. You will learn much more from an instructor than you can by yourself. Sparring in class should help build your confidence. Your instructor & the more senior students should as well. If they don't, you are in the wrong school. Don't worry aboutt what other people think, they don't matter.

Answer 10

A very good martial artist would tell you that their best defense is in not having to go through the exercise of using it.
Or as my dad used to tell me, "if you don't want to get hit, don't be standing where the punch lands!"