How can I apologize for something my kid said?

Question

I was using my sister-inlaw as an example to my kids. She's got a degree, doesn't use it, lives on welfare to raise her baby. I was trying to explain to my kids that sometimes no matter how hard you try and teach your kids to do the right things, they can still end up as failures. Well one of my kids told my husband and his sister about what I said and now both are really upset with me

Answer 1

Tell your husband that what you said to your kid was what you believe. You shouldn't have to apologize for something you believe in. And its your responsibility to raise your children with values.

Answer 2

Rethink your view of your sister in law, is she a failure and why ? It does sound it you have something against her however, so think about that also.

If you come to the same conclusion again tell them, and why.

Stand your ground.
The truth often hurts and they will have to live with your view.
It will be messy but they are already upset with you, so I it can't get any worse.

Think more carefully about the words you use when talking to the kids in future

Answer 3

Well, you did call the woman a loser, and actually, she is one if she is a degreed adult and living off welfare. You may be sorry you hurt their feelings, but I doubt you're sorry for what you said. I'd just tell the kids that some conversations are private, and not to be repeated to others. And, if they're really young, I wouldn't tell them stuff like that anyway.

Answer 4

You told the truth and the only reason they are upset is you were right. If a woman has a college degree and lives off of welfare is a failure shame on her. Kids become adults and choose their own paths no matter what standards, morals, beliefs their parents try to instill in them. To me you sister in law was a good example. Let her live with the embarassment of failing and living off of the government.

Answer 5

Maybe you should apologize for using the word failure. That word is a very strong word to use, especially when you're describing family. You could have used the words 'hard times'.

Answer 6

You do not need to apologize for your kid, you need to apologize for yourself. You made the error in using family as an example to family. Much better to use a hypothetical situation.

Answer 7

It's not what your kid said, it's what your kid REPEATED. Appologize for that. Incidentally, that's what YOU said. If you are sorry you said it, appologize. If you're not sorry you said it, leave it alone. Don't appologize because your child repeated it unless you want to then tell your child that you were wrong, and Auntie isn't a failure. If your child is young enough not to know what is and isn't to be repeated to others, they are too young to be told how to keep a secret. Don't expect them to.

Answer 8

be honest with your hsuband and his sister. Tell them that is what you told the kids. She could do better for herself but maybe needed to hear it from someone. To bad it was your kid that said it. But if it is the truth maybe she needed to hear it. To fix her life.
Go be honest and tell her you are sorry for useing her as an example but offer her your help to find her feet agian.

Answer 9

Don't apologize for your kid, apologize for yourself, because you are the one that said it. Simply apologize for making the mistake and never use a family member as an example for anything negative again. It has a way of backfiring!!!

Answer 10

Have your kid apologize to them for deliberately hurting his aunt's feelings.

He also owes you an apology for betraying your trust, because there was no way on Earth he thought you wanted him to tell them that stuff.

And, by the way, I consider a 'failure' someone who steals, kills, pollutes, mistreats people. That makes your son more of a failure than his aunt at this point, and I hope you explain THAT to him too!

Oh well; at least he was listening.