have been with my bf for 2.5 months(i'm 21, hes24)I am his first gf in 2yrs When we first met i knew he really liked me.We hung out quite a bit at first,about 4 times a week.he took me to meet his parents & friends in the first few weeks.evrything was going great,but now i barely see him,hes ALWAYS out with friends and he drinks quite often.we live about 30 min away,and only i have a car.he really opened up to me one nite and told me how his ex cheated on him(i can tell this reallyhurt him).The amt of time we spend togther has been really bothering me.I see him once a week and we are usually with his friends or his parents.I talked to him last nite abt this and he was being very understanding but said whenevr hes changed for a girl shes screwed him over,so hes scared to get hurt again then he started to get kinda angry and said he wants space!He kept telling me last nite how much he cares about me.I know hes under ALOT of stress now,what should i do now???how do i give him space?
2007-03-20 07:17:15 · 19 answers · asked by kimmy_717 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ask yourself do you want this for the rest of your life???
2007-03-20 07:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by only me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. Ignore him. He will come running to you and tell you how much he needs you! If he does this it means he's afraid of being alone and doesn't really love you anyway.
And people shouldn't "change" for someone else. When that happens consider it over. People can't really change - they mature or form new ideas on things.
You're 21 so don't lock yourself down with someone yet. Live a little. And 2.5 months - the honeymoon period is coming to an end soon.
Face the facts and you won't get hurt. Work this out and someone will get hurt - and it will probably be you.
2007-03-20 07:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if you got together with your boyfriend while he was still on the rebound and is still dealing with issues on how he was cheated on. Most guys when this happens, seek advice from their buddies and are told how NOT to be too nice to a girl. He is young and still learning about life. Most of what he is learning at this time is coming from his buddies. As much as I would like to tell you to hang in there, I am afraid this would only cause you false hope of him coming around any time soon. At this time in his life, he is feeling wanting to spread his wings, prove his manhood not only to himself but to his friends also. This can be a hurtful time for a girl who has a boyfriend who is going through this. Best to give this some thought if you want to continue with this relationship. It might be some time down the road when and if he will ever be committed to you the way you want him to be. This is probably one of those times when it is the right love at the wrong time. So sorry!
2007-03-20 07:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would he think he needs to "change" for you? Let him know you miss how it was with you in the beginning (the 4 times a week meetings) and reassure him that you like him just the way he is, but would love to spend more time together when he's ready. Don't get b!tchy at him at all that will just drive him away.
2007-03-20 07:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by SodaLicious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to give him some space. it sounds like you are important to him. he needs time to get used to the idea of being a couple again. i agree that seeing each other 4 times a week was way too much. you will have better quality time, and things to talk about if you do not see each other so much. play a little hard to get. when you are together do not nag, be playful.
2007-03-20 07:22:40 · answer #5 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not ur job to keep proving over and over that u wont' "screw him over". this is an issue he's gota deal w/ himself.
the thing is, he's the MAN in the relationship. he provides the structure of the relationship. the stronger he is, the smarter he is, the better he treats you, the better you will be able to "support" him, and even "prove" your trustworthiness. but u guys need to work together. he is either extremely hurt and insecure from his past, OR he is dragging you around, trying to gain some kind of control over you.
either one is NOT GOOD. u need a guy who is on top of his life, knows what he wants, and at least Try to get it right. if he is wishy washy and unsure, how the heck are u supposed to know what to do!!!~
i dated a guy like that once. i thought that hanging out w/ his friends and family meant he really liked me alot. i actually spent EVERYDAY practically with him. and he said that he was hurt from his ex, blah blah, looking for "the one" to marry. so he pretty much played w/ my mind, acting liek he really wanted to be w/ me and that i was special, when in truth he just says that to make any girl he's with start doing things for him, start "proving" themselves to him as if we are auditioning to be his wife!!!! i got so pissed off later, esp when i found out he was dating other girls and lied to my face about it. i'm not saying h'es doing that to you..but i'm saying that he's logically NOT being straight with u and making excuses regarding his ex. u gotta set him straight and cut thru the B.S. if i were u, i'd say u better u get ur act together soon or i'm out. =T
2007-03-20 07:28:40 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have to remember is "space" is code for "I'm moving away and eventually I will want to break up". Relationships should bring people closer together, not take them farther apart. He's showing you, by his actions, that he is no longer as into the relationship as he used to be. Whether it's due to another girl or whatever, it sounds as if he's asking to be free of the relationship. I'm sorry.
2007-03-20 07:32:50 · answer #7 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he's kind of changing, like he was cool spending a lot of time with you in the beginning and now that you let him know you won't hurt him, he's taking that for granted. One thing is though, a guy who cares a lot about a girl will show it through his actions, not through empty promises.
2007-03-20 07:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by LuvUrGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i experienced something like that before. i think, he's a little confused and scared about what might happen.. i mean he suffered a lot because of his previous heart-break and while at first he seemed quite enthousiastic about your relationship. his fears of being cheated one more time are rising. without realizing it he tries to protect himself from that. by not being to close, always being with friends or family gives him a shield. try not to bother him with that, you just need to calm his anxieties down by giving him proof of your love and devotion. show him you are a trustworthy girl and that wht happened in the past will never happen again...
2007-03-20 07:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by T-spooon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is hanging out with his buddies and drink quite often then maybe he has bigger issues than a girlfriend. You should talk to him about hanging out drinking. That right there is the start of some problems. Good luck.
2007-03-20 07:22:20 · answer #10 · answered by hascht2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time. He apparently cares alot about you. Just be there for him when he opens up. Give him space but let him know your still there whenever he needs you. Just love him and show as often as you can that YOU won't screw him over.
2007-03-20 07:22:10 · answer #11 · answered by Lucky Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋