Why must marriage equate to loss of freedom?

Question

Growing up, I always thought that the purpose of dating was to find a mate, someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I found her. We were both young. In many ways, being married has freed us.

Why is there this sense that young 20's is too early to get married? We're only 39 and we've been married for 16 years. We have 2 kids and we love each other desperately.

Sure, we've had problems, but ultimately, we solve them together. Because we can always rely on each other, it makes it easier to do things. We're free.

What's the deal? Why do people fear committment/marriage?

Answer 1

Wow...couldn't agree more. There is a delayed adolescence in our culture today. It's as if you're not supposed to even think of being married until at least 30. I also think that people have the misguided notion that once you're married, you have to act a certain way, or become boring. Really, all of that depends on who you marry. I also married in my early 20's. My husband and I go out together and we have our alone time, too. It's far from boring and I never once felt as if I had no freedom. And who doesn't have problems? It doesn't matter if you marry at 20 or you marry at 60, there will be some problems somewhere along the way.

Answer 2

Supposedly: people quit "maturing" after they turn 26...until that time, they are constantly growing and maturing........people under 26 should not marry because their attitudes/personalities change. Rarely, people under that age getting married, stay married. But it does happen.
I am one of those that married @ 18 and I would still be married if it werent for my (now) ex-husband....he cheated on me.
I, personally, have always been more mature than ppl my age- thats the way I was brought up and was always around adult, than kids. I would love to be married again and start a family! I cant wait for that day. But now, people dont want that traditional thing called marriage- many like the "openness" of a relationship where if they get mad or decide they want someone else, they can with no strings attached.

Im traditional...old school if you will.
At only 22, I want to be married with a family...and I want to start my family before Im 30! =) Just waiting on Mr Right.

Congrats on ur marriage and happiness. Its a rariety now a days for that to happen...

Answer 3

I fear committment/marriage. I am 28 and don't want to get married. Living with b/f for 1.5 yrs so far, together for 5 yrs this summer. Things are great the way they are. I don't want to end up divorced like 50 or 60% of people do. My parents separated after 30 yrs of marriage, for 8 months. They got back together, but that has scarred me and made me never want to marry. Yick. I also don't want children. If I was planning on having children, I'd get married first.

Also I am financially stable. I make more than my guy and I could manage if he happened to leave. Which of course I hope never happens. We are committed to each other, we just don't want to do the paperwork.

Answer 4

Its not a loss of freedom, Its really about giving yourself time to grow up and experiencing all life has to offer , including adulthood alone. You and your wife are exceptions, congrats. I was married at 21 and stayed that way for 14 yrs and 4 kids. Unfortunately , as adults we wanted different things. Anyone fearing commitment or marriage , just isn't ready for it yet.

Answer 5

I don't know why people are like that

I did not fear it & I have been married for
10 yrs. in May .
I love my life & my husband & I trust eachother
enough to give eachother freedom when needed.
I guess it's because some people are afraid to
do something they have never done before .
I think that if you find the right person, yes you will
have your problems, but you can overcome them w/ God & w/ eachother.

take care

Answer 6

What you have is unique. Most couples have a hard time finding the balance that you two seem to have. Quite often one person ends up feeling like they're always the one to make changes for the other, or to give up something for the other...usually it is the woman who gives up herself to a dominate male, but it can go the other way too.

Answer 7

I'm happy for you. It sounds like your doing great in life. I think the people that often fear committment are the ones that are still too immature and not quite ready to settle down. They don't know what they're missing.

Answer 8

Because people don't know how to incorporate themselves. People are selfish by nature and don't know how to share. So they think that if they get hooked up FOR REAL they will lose who they are. And that's the farthest from the truth. You can maintain your independence IN a relationship IF you are with someone that needs their independence too. It can't work if one of the two is needy. It just won't work.

Answer 9

Because the largest majority of young people today, especially in the US, have grown up in broken homes with single parents, a step parent, a number of step parents, or a number of live-ins. They don't really know what a home life is all about and when a problem comes up they are ready to call it quits.

They don't know what the word commitment means.

Answer 10

I think is mostly because most people dont really think about why they want to get married they just do it without even thinking if they really communicated while they were dating or if they really match most people just do it to not be alone or to just know they they will be financially ok. It sucks but is true, that is why there are so many divorces even now more then before.