Smoking around children,how not to offend in-laws?

Question

My daughter is having her first baby in July.Her husbands parents and sisters all smoke, my daughter and husband don`t.
They live some way from them so don`t see them often.
Problem is they all smoke around her and the other grandchildren and she can`t bear to stay there .
Apart from that she gets on well with them.
When her baby is born and they come to visit how can she ask them not to smoke in the house or when baby is around without causing offence?Her husband says "We don`t see them often any way".
She feels they think her stuck up as she sat apart from them on their last visit when she was 12 weeks pregnant.

Good points, but if she is in their home more difficult.
To leets ,my grandchild sure is my buisness!

Answer 1

if this is her hubby's parents then she should put her foot down and tell him that he must address this issue before they visit. if she visits their home, make it clear that they will not visit as long as people are smoking around the baby. they need to be educated on the effects of second hand smoke as it relates to children. they need to decide which is more important a cigarette or their grandchild?

Answer 2

I think your daughter is right to be concerned. A good way around this is to create a little smoking space outside in the garden....maybe one of those mini tent things you can pick up for under £20, you know...with a roof but no sides, then put a couple of comfortable garden chairs, small table and ashtray in it so it looks more appealing and they won't feel like they're being slung outside...that's if you live somewhere where the weather isn't always good.

She can call it a child free zone.

Then she should tell her husband to let them know that they've created this area for people who want to smoke while the baby is around....he can also say he has a lot of friends who smoke too...so they don't feel it's just been done for them.

He should tell them about it before they arrive for their next visit...by saying he had friends over who smoked a lot and made the smoking zone so the baby won't have to breathe it in.
After that, if they're offended, well better that than the baby inhaling all that rubbish.

I'm not a grandparent yet, but if mine do become pregnant...that's it...I will not smoke anywhere near them when they are pregnant or when the baby arrives....no way. It's a shame they don't think of this themselves.

Hope that helps a bit....good luck with the upcoming event.

Answer 3

Wow, it's incredibly rude (especially knowing what we know about second-hand smoke) that they would smoke around her instead of going outdoors. It's very sad that they would have to be asked. I would have done exactly what she did at 12wks--just sit away from them when they are smoking. She was just doing what she had to do to protect her baby. When they come to her house however, she and her husband have every right to (and SHOULD) tell them that they need to smoke outside. I don't care how often they see them, those people need to have respect for another person's home. I would never let someone come in my house where I have a child and light up a cigarette. If her hubby's family gets offended, then good riddence. That shows what kind of people they are--very selfish. Good luck, I hope they handle the situation okay--it would be a shame to miss out on family time with her in-laws.

Answer 4

Congratulations on becoming a new grandmother....
AS for them coming to her home to see the new baby. Before they come I would put a no smoking sign on the front door. When they arrived and asked where could they smoke I would tell them on the patio/porch. This is not rude it is protecting your child. They will see the sign before they even enter the house and this way she didn't have to tell them directly. Hubby and I both smoke and don't smoke in the house, car or any where the baby is. Why expose him to something that he can't get away from is the question I always ask myself.
My father is so use to this that he has asked me to call in 1-2 hours before I go to his house so he can air it out. He now goes outside to smoke in his own house. When he use to go to light a cig. I would just grab the baby and say that it was time to go. I guess that he didn't like it. She has to stand her ground and there are many ways to do it and not be rude.

Answer 5

Kudos to your daughter for wanting to protect her baby. I think she first has to talk to her hubby ahead of time so they both are on the same page. If he brings up the fact that they don't see his family very often, have your daughter tell him it is not his family she doesn't like, it is the smoking. I personally think that it should be her husband that tells his family that they do not want anyone smoking in the house because it is harmful (not only to the baby but everyone!!). Perhaps he should bring the issue up with his family before they come to visit, stating that they have decided to introduce this no-smoking policy in the house from now on to protect their child. That way, his family will know ahead of time what the house rules are. They can step outside to smoke if necessary. Because it is her home she totally has a right to request it be a non-smoking environment.

Answer 6

If they are not smart enough to know the harmful effects of 2nd hand smoke on babies/children/pregnant women in general, then there really is a problem here. For the child's sake, just tell them they cannot smoke around the baby or in their house! Sorry, but they can go outside and be offended all they want. At least they won't be putting their child's health at stake.

Answer 7

is there any way your daughter can rig up some cover outside in the garden so that even if it's raining, they can easily go outside?

Everyone, but EVERYONE, knows that smoking is bad for you, and especially for small children. They can't be that ignorant, can they? As long as she asks with a smile on her face, rather than a grimace and a wafting of hands in front of her face (guaranteed to wind up a smoker!), I'm sure she'll be fine, but she should definitely put her foot down.

I smoke, and if I have visitors with children (or anyone who doesn't smoke), then I go out into the garden, so that the kids don't have to be enveloped in clouds of cigarette smoke - it's the only fair thing to do

Just spotted your additional note - if I were her, I'd refuse to visit them, if they're not gracious and intelligent enough to go outside. Let them come to her, then she can lay down some rules

Answer 8

She's just got to be honest and straightforward: Do you mind stepping outside to smoke. It's not good for the baby.

Beating around the bush is just going to foster animosity and resentment. Personally, even if my hubby didn't agree, I'd say something to them. Cigarette smoking may have been acceptable around babies when he was one, but the number of additives and crap they've put into cigarettes in the past 30 years are so much worse and more toxic. (Not that cig. smoking is ever good.)

No reasonable person is going to get P.O.ed about that request. Also, be sure to ask them to wash their hands when they pick up the baby, every time. Smoking passes germs around because the hands are close to the mouth. (But that's an easy one -- make it a rule or keep hand sanitizer nearby for EVERYONE to use and that way no one feel put upon.) Good luck!

Answer 9

I get the feeling that the fact that her hubby doesn't exactly back her up is at least part of the problem here. I'm not saying it's a major problem but if that is the case, she could maybe speak to him and say that she IS going to tell them not to smoke in her home if he doesn't. But, she (and them) maybe would prefer it to come from him as their son. Either one of them should explain that they (in-laws) aren't being singled out as nobody is allowed to smoke in there.

If it is truly too difficult to say it like that, (families are a dodgy area when it comes to treading on toes sometimes) a little white lie wouldn't be the worst idea. Considering that they don't see an awful lot of each other maybe your daughter could save an awkward situation by saying that smoke is particularly bothersome to her whilst she's preggers -like it makes her feel sickly. It's only a fib - not a whopper.

Answer 10

She must take a stand and just politely tell them that she'd rather they smoke outside. That's not much to ask, especially for the price of spending time with the new grand baby. If anything, she'll be a overly cautious mother, like most first time mothers are. Oh, also, she and her husband should have an understanding of this before his parents arrive.