My boyfriend (ex?) and I are both almost 22 and have been dating off and on since high school. We have been going pretty strong for the past year or two now and he promised me we would move in together next semester. Things have been GOOD between us and he even wrote me a love note a month ago saying how happy he was with me! Then, all of a sudden within a matter of a week he started pulling away from me and acting strange. Then I caught him on a date with another girl! (His phone accidentally called me and they were at a Clippers game.) He first said he's just apprehensive about moving in together and now says he wants to be single and take a break for awhile. This is a shock and out of nowhere and he doesn't seem to have a solid explanation for why he feels this way all of a sudden. He says he still loves me, but I don't know. What do you think? Why can't men commit? What is he so scared of, and what brought this on? I just don't understand because I thought we were
2007-03-20 06:56:25 · 20 answers · asked by neverneverland 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
really happy, and I personally was looking forward to taking the next steps in our relationship. We are going to go to couples counseling...but I don't even know what to do. If I should wait around and see if he wants to work things out, or move on with my life. I just don't know what he's looking for or what's so great about a single life...he recently joined a frat and I think that may have influenced/changed him. I just need some words of wisdom!
2007-03-20 06:58:05 · update #1
Just because he can't commit to you doesn't mean that all men cannot commit.
I don't know why you're even surprised. You two have been on and off for a few years, what made you think that he'd suddenly come around? Just because he said so? Actions speak louder than words.
2007-03-20 06:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
You need to understand that a lot of it has to do with age and maturity. Everyone would like to think that they become an adult at age 21. You may be considered an adult at a certain age, but that doen't mean that mentally you are. Your minds in your 20's still have some growing up to do. You will find that even though you feel you are ready to settle down, you will still have many attitude changes over the next 7 to 8 years. Your b/f won't be ready to put single life behind him for awhile. He may go through the motions for you of trying to change his ways, but he is still exhibiting the attitude of desring a single life when you're not around. It a matter of getting older that will change him. He will view women sexually for quite awhile yet. That's why a good percentage of young marriages fail. To have a lifelong marriage you need to be completely mature to start with. And just another bit of advice, DO NOT move in with someone thinking that it is a step of commitment towards marriage. All it is for many people is trying to find out if they are compatible and they usually find for a short term that they are sexually compatible, but they don't have the same emotional desires in life. Get to know someone very well inside and refrain from just a sexual relationship. When you are sure that you can spend a month or two together without sex involved then start looking at a longterm commitment requiring marriage before a combined living arrangement. That's how most of the 50 to 60 year marriages got that far. You may see it as an old fashioned way of thinking, but you don't have any argument against those old fashioned marriages successes.
2007-03-20 07:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he still loves you- But, what he loves is the memory of what could have been - not understanding the possibilities of what can be. Yes, he does love you - or at least the thought of you - no - he is in fear of actually making things happen - I mean look at his life! In the years that you have known him - have you ever heard him ( not just seen him ) talk about his family - hopes and expectations ( that he has had piut on him. I m anot saying thta you should ignore the past issues of the way that you feel he has treated you- rather the opposite- look at what it was that first brought the 2 of you together- and realize that he is and will always have a fear of commiting - untill somethings get straightened out in his expectations ( which seem to be pretty high on himself and others around him.
2007-03-20 08:49:13 · answer #3 · answered by Daniel G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you frankly,that its time for you to move on.I have been there,done that.I felt like i was reading my story while reading your question.This has happened to me and i fortunately got over my ex.
I understand exactly what you are going through.I know how painful it is when you dream about spending the rest of your life with such a special guy and have also discussed about moving in and living together.And then,suddenly,he is a brand new person who's dating some other girl.Breaks up with you without even having a concern to explain the reason for dumping you.
I admire you for playing your role really well and loving him unconditionally.All what you have to do is slowly and steadily get over him.Assume that the two of you were not meant to be.Universe has a special and better plan for you.Always remember that if you lose something,you are on your way to gain something or someone who's extremely better than the one you lost.You have to wait for the right time to get the right guy you deserve.He will give you all that love and care you desire.My whole hearted wishes are with you.Hope you heal soon.
You have to surrender to your destiny and march towards a brighter future and you truely deserve that.
2007-03-20 07:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by Sheeth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are wired for violence. They are taught to be violent by society, and unlike a light switch these emotions can't be turned off at will. A lot of murders committed by men are accidents, but because they couldn't turn off their anger/rage someone ended up dead.
2016-03-29 08:41:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are the prize, not him! You're 22, there are millions of fish in the sea (yes, it's an overused but true cliche').
Just remember, your gut instincts are never wrong. So, you've got to ask yourself if he's trustworthy. Just from the details you've given us here, i'm willing to bet he's not. Do the right thing for yourself and make yourself unavailable to him. And, not to mention, women mature better and faster than men (boys), so maybe he's not ready to commit. Go out with your friends, meet a new guy and sow your wild oats without him. Plus, if he admits to being apprehensive about moving in, DON'T DO IT!!! He might ditch you and leave you liable for the lease, and then you'd be so screwed!!
Good luck and be strong, sweet pea!
2007-03-20 07:04:12 · answer #6 · answered by gnomiechick 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Couples counselling?
Personally, I think you should put him on the spot, no need for a third party. (Does that make me a hypocrite??)
It's simple. Either he's willing to make a committment, or he's not. After all this time, better move on and find a guy that will commit instead of wasting more time with this goofball.
If he's going to sneak around and lie to you now, what would he do after 7 years of marriage when you guys have a REAL life issue to deal with? (Those things are inevitable.)
2007-03-20 07:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by Joe Bostonian 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
...Hun!!!....don't get all anxietied up here certainly. You're both 22 years old...not to say that commitments can't be in order at this age...but let's face it honey... he's shown you now that he's truly NOT commited exclusively to this relationship. Therefore neither are you darling commited either. Take out a good male friend for lunch or dinner or something platonic here darling. Not all associations with men need to be considered "commited" for you either. I'm thinking once he sees that you'll step out of the relationship too...possibly he may suddenly have a change of heart and position in this relationship with you otherwise. Most people don't realize what they have until it's gone. You don't have to be gone darling....you just need to be out with a friend for dinner. You're getting my drift here,...aren't you darling? He needs to be set back out on his own heels for a moment sweetie. If he suddenly leaves you completely?...well then he wasn't gonna be the one for you anyways. Let's hope he sees all the light in your possible stepping out situation too darling...and then let the chips fall where they may. Sounds like a plan anyways...let me know how it goes for you to seriously. Cool?
2007-03-20 07:11:07 · answer #8 · answered by scott s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some men can commit..but now adays with the majority of girls and women out there walking around in g-strings and bandaids over their boobs....men start thinking with their weiners,and so many of these women have no morals today. they dont care if a man is married or in a serious relationship......angelina jolie,claire danes.just to name two well known pigs,who have no regards for other womans feelings,or the children involved.
2007-03-20 07:03:15 · answer #9 · answered by maria tortilla. 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Men are like that.. when you ask them to commit they first thing that comes to their mind is "I haven't had enough fun yet, do I want to settle down now when there may be better girls out there?"
So they stray... and if he find a better girl then you're out of his life... If he doesn't manage to find a better girl he will be grovelling at your feet very soon...
2007-03-20 07:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by Merri 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋