I am afraid that my ex-wife's new boyfriend is a pedophile. I'm not sure though but I am not sure if telling my boys that it's not okay to touch others down there or to allow themselves to be touched, that they will form some sort of complex about it, and either rebel, or somehow feel like it's a dirty place. Any advice on how I can talk to my boys...they are 3 and 5...would be very helpful, thanks.
2007-03-20 06:43:10 · 7 answers · asked by STY 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First of all, check his name out in your state sex offender registry. You can access this by going to:
http://www.nsopr.gov/
Of course, he will only come up if he's been convicted, which too many have not. If he does come up, talk to your ex immediately, and if she doesn't terminate the relationship, seek temporary custody of the boys.
As for the talk, every child should get it, but I think you're right to be cautious about your approach. I would sit them down and tell them that there are some things that are okay for grown-ups that are not okay for kids. Touching places under their underwear is not okay until they are much older, and it someone tries to do that, they should come and tell you no matter what the person says. Also, I don't know if your 3 year old is old enough to wash or wipe himself, but that might complicate things a little. Bottom line, tell them if anything at all makes them uncomfortable, to come and tell you and you won't be mad no matter what. Then make sure you follow through. Good luck.
2007-03-20 07:10:45 · answer #1 · answered by oj 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think he's a pedophile? That's a very serious accusation. If you truly believe this then yes you do need to talk to them. In fact, you should be responible and talk to them about it anyway. The boy friend isn't the only person they will come in contact with in their lives. Explain to them about good touches and bad touches. A bad touch is anywhere a bathing suit covers and it may make them feel "icky or yucky" or whatever word they would use. Make sure you are correct before you go around accusing people.
2007-03-20 09:30:47 · answer #2 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have two boys, and I have given them " private area" talk since they could speak and say "NO"! I told my kids that absolutely no one should touch their penis or bum unless they are the following people, doctor, mommy, or daddy. Any other person must have permission to touch your penis or bum from mommy or daddy. That way I know who asked to touch them and I can approach these people and have a chit chat. Be very open to questions and don`t laugh about anything they have to say. This is a very serious topic, oh, and make sure you use the right words for the right body parts. If they are molested, at least the proper authorities will know what exactly happened to your boys. But I agree with you, now is the right time to talk to them about inappropriate touching. Your boys need to be protected from anyone who might molest them ...
2007-03-20 07:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by lost2day 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes. have the talk. don't mention names though. with my boys it was just conversation. i didn't make it a special occasion, it just came up while bathing them or helping them dress. sometimes as parents we have to check those areas for injuries or to make sure they're clean. when in that position, tell them what you're doing and why and remind them that the only ones who are allowed to do that are you,their mom and the doctor. as far as the new boyfriend goes , what makes you think this? have your boys said anything to you to make you suspicious?the bf should not be helping them in the bathroom at all. period. he should not be helping them dress or putting them to bed either. they and you don't know him. thats not to say he is a bad guy. i don't think anyone but you two should be doing those things. i hope you can figure out whats going on. have the talk with your boys and if you aren't comfortable with the new guy talk to your ex.
2007-03-20 09:07:29 · answer #4 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooh, absolutely talk to them. If you're open and bring it up casually they won't have any sort of a complex. And check to see if this guy is a sex offender, too.
2007-03-20 08:50:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Complexes" are baloney! you certainly should have this talk, right now. If you don't you may be very sorry, and you cannot undo the harm.
2007-03-20 09:03:56 · answer #6 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should.
2007-03-20 11:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋