My sister is having a wedding...but there's just one problem... please help!!?

Question

My sister is having her wedding next month, and I think that is totally cool. But there's just one thing. A few nights ago her fiancé whispered to me in the ear saying that he wanted to "do it with me all night long", then he kissed me on the cheek before going into the kitchen to see my sister (there was a family reunion at my parents house so that's why me and my sister were there together). No need for translation, I think, and he wasn't joking. I know now that he's a creep and a cheater, and that my sister is too good for him. But I don't know if I should tell my sister and risk making her mad at me or not believing me and thinking that I want her fiancé for myself.
And plus, I never even like him anyway!!!!

What do I do???????????

I would like to thank everyone who is helping me with this question, already I feel lighter and more certain about what I'm going to do! So everyonse so far, thank you so so so much!

Answer 1

Tell her. At least your mind will be clear that you warned her BEFORE she married him. Don't worry - even if she doesn't believe you at first, creeps like this show their true colors after awhile.

Answer 2

While I think her fiance is a creep, she probably already knows this. Telling her what he said will only cause her grief, why put her through that. And I seriously don't think she'll listen to you, you may end up losing her because at a month away, she's probably desperate and too scared to cancel the wedding. Just let it go, steer clear of the fiance so that she has no reason to think you want him for yourself and let her have her day. The marriage seems like it's heading for disaster anyway and they'll most likely get a divorce in a few years. Why let the reason it falls apart now be on your head with everyone blaming you. Just grin and bear it. But I wonder why he even said something to you? I wonder if he is testing you to see if you'll tell and he secretly wants out? Who knows. Do whatever you feel is best. Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow, that IS a tough situation to be in. All I can offer you in the way of advice is an example of someone I know who didn't say anything in a sorta of similar situation & how it turned out for her years later. I had a good friend for many years (not me!, I swear!). Anyway, she had an older sister. They were very close. Her older sister married this good-looking, but quiet guy (I always thought he was kinda creepy). They had their first daughter right away. When the daughter was an infant, my friend went to spend the weekend at her sister's house. The sister & the baby were sleeping & my friend & her brother-in-law were watching tv. At some point, the sleazy brother-in-law told her that she was hot, that he wanted to have sex with her & that they should go to a motel! My friend was upset, but not totally surprised, since he'd been eyeballing her long before her sister even married this guy. Anyway, she told him to drop dead & went to her room to go to sleep. She never told her sister, ever. The guy continued to harass her at every family event when he thought no one else was looking or listening. Ugh. It was disgusting. I don't know how the sister could have NOT noticed it. I was there at manyof these events when he was practically drooling over her. Then time passed & the sister had 2 more kids with the creep. This sticky situation put an awful burden on my friend. The sister was/is totally in the dark to this day! Eventually, it will come out & then the sisters will have to face the issue -- espcially the part about it happening so long ago & alll along since then. Aside from that, if he's been making passes at her all this time, how many other women has he approached? Who knows? Maybe he's got diseases, too? Think carefully about this & try to make the right choice. Can you confide in someone else, perhaps another family member or close friend? Are you SURE that he was coming on to you. You've got a tough choice to make. Whatever you decide, good luck.

Answer 4

Ouch, tough situation. Put yourself in her shoes. If it were me, I would want to know. If you are not the first person he's done it to, maybe she's heard it before and you will be giving her one more piece of evidence against him.

I wouldn't tell her that you "never even like him anyway" because that is neither here nor there in the situation. It will likely sway her to put you at fault, not him. Also, do not tell her you "know now that he's a creep and a cheater" because that will only hurt her, not him. Why? Because you're basically telling your sister she isn't smart enough to spot it on her own (love does blind...)

If I were you, I would take your sister aside. Alone, no interruptions, quiet place. Tell her you love her, and you'll support her in everything in her life. Ask her to hear you out, not talk until you get this out, because it's hard for you. Tell her what happened, how, when, everything. Don't embellish, but don't be shy about it, either. Then tell her you will do whatever she wants, short of accepting the offer. Meaning, you will support her if she decides to stay with him, you will confront him (with or without her) if that's what she wants, and you will be there for her to hold the pieces together if she decides to leave him. And, of course, DO IT. If she goes off the handle at you (which she might) just tell her you're sorry for any grief you caused, but you wanted her to know and be aware. It will never be brought up again, so long as he doesn't proposition you again. Tell her that, so that she knows if she goes to him and he denies it or says "It was a joke" then she can tell him it WON"T happen again, or she will hear about it. Also, tell her no matter what, you will not be the one to say "I told you so."

Good luck, I'm sorry. It's tough. I was there for my sister after telling her her fiance was a drug addict, and then with her a year later when, after staying with him, she found out for herself.

Answer 5

This happened to my friend before her wedding. She called the hole thing off. Her sister had told her and said if you think hes joking lets see if he takes the bait(they offered him a 3 way) he was all for it and she booted him to the curb. I hope your sis and you have a good enough relationship to do this. Otherwise she probably won't believe you and it will only cause more problems. If you feel strongly about it there are plenty of ways to catch a cheat enlist the help of brothers if you have any and get them to throw a stag party see if you can catch the rat that way. Be prepared tho it will not make her happy now even if it is better in the long run.

Answer 6

Look here you are an honest person and I think your sister is as good as you.I had a fiancee when I was 18 and he did the same thing with my cousin and caused a lot of pain inspite of the fact that I didn't like the guy from the day one and accepted my parent's decision.I can still feel the pain my dear cousin caused to me.She should have come to me and I would do anything for her.Look here you have to disclose this guy.I mean call him out in the garden for example and ask your sister to hide in a good place and see him betraying her.Disclose him.It is very important.

Answer 7

Huh...first off, I'm wondering how old you are because if it were me, and I had the finance available, I'd hire a detective follow him around and dig into his past; But before that, I'd confront him myself, privately, with a hidden recorder; I'd ask him why he said he wanted to do it with me all night long and what would your sister think about that.Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may have just been feeling his wild oats before tying the knot, but the recording thing(and don't show/tell him he was just taped no matter how much you want to), will give an idea of if he was just flirting, however inappropriate, or an actual "playa". Good luck with this!

Answer 8

You should tell her, unless you don't have a real sisterly type relationship. She may hate/resent you for the first little while (misdirected anger), but she will probably come around. If you can somehow get proof of his unsavory behavior, it would help support your story.
You have to be very careful how you tell her. She believes this man loves her and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. It's a very delicate situation. You have to let her know that your only agenda is to see her happy.
You have a tough road ahead if you tell her. Now it's up to you to decide.

Answer 9

This is very hard, it is big girl time though and you HAVE to buck up....no question.

Maybe you can tell your sister in a general way that you know he has been unfaithful to her, you don't really need to give details and if she presses just tell her you would rather just have her believe you and trust you. You can only do what you can...if you tell her and she doesn't choose to take your advice then all you can really do is be there for the divorce...

tough stuff, but she is your sister and always will be....good luck.

Answer 10

Tell your parents and then confront your sister with him and your parents present. If your parents won't back you, then tell your sister in private. If she doesn't believe you and goes on with the wedding, apologize for any stress you have put on her, tell her you love her and forgo attending the wedding. But give a wedding gift only she can use. They say the truth is painful. It hurts a hell of a lot more if you hold it in and don't give your sister all pertinent information. Peace and good luck to you.

Answer 11

There's no easy way out of this, so my suggestion is to just steel your nerves and flat-out tell her. You might want to take her aside of course, and soften her up a bit. Something like "This is really difficult and I don't know a good way to say it, but..."

She'll probably freak out and get mad, but whatever you do, STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Of course the first thing she'll want to do is deny it, accuse you of lying, bla bla the whole nine yards there, because it's hurtful to hear. But stick to your guns--worst case scenario, if you're this passionate about the situation, you can be that person who during the service when the minister says "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed..." speak your mind right there in front of everyone, then walk out.

Yeah, it's fairly melodramatic, but it just might save her from a miserable marriage followed by bitter divorce.