I am a well established 23 year old who has herself together and my oldest sister and my mon knows this. I have a younger brother in college and I pay his rent for him. I guess since I do that they expect me to do for them also, but he is in college trying to better himself!!! I love them dearly but everytime I come around they ask for money (No intent on paying it back, though). They don't ask for alot but I get tired of putting gas in their vehicles or food in their house when they go out and blow their money. How do I say "no" without them thinking that I am better than them? Serious answers only please!!!
2007-03-20 06:20:52 · 19 answers · asked by Cantrell 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First you need to make sure that you can say "No" and stick by your answer. Otherwise saying no is worse than a waste of time.
If you really don't want them mooching off of you any more, you need to have a face to face conversation with them and let them know how you feel about their behavior. Be nice, but be firm. If you want to set a specific amount that you are willing to give them each month so that you are in control of the situation that would be one idea. Otherwise, let them know in a nice way that you are willing to help when you have determined that there is a true emergency, but not every time they say there is an emergency.
Remember, you are not responsible for their reaction, only for the way you present this to them and the way you respond to their reaction. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.
Good luck!
2007-03-20 06:33:31 · answer #1 · answered by Rickster 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you just need to tell him. Let him know you're going through a rough time and that you would appreciate any help he can give. I can never ask my guy for money, I'd feel like a failure if I did so I know it's rough. Is there really no one else you can ask? I know he's your man but my man is the last person I would ask money from. I'm no feminist, I just don't like feeling like I owe him in that way. It's weird because I'm fine giving him my money or buying him stuff but he always finds it odd when he offers me cash and I can't take it. Maybe you could try to find a way of subtly letting him know things are bad right now and see if he offers it on his own?
2016-03-29 08:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you answered your question already. Here you says they don't ask for a lot but they do ask, so tell them to not ask you for money unless it is an emergency. Tell them and if hurts them so be it, people sometimes need to hear the word NO> Thank you for paying your brothers rent, that is nice of you. That is your moms responsiblity not yours. Tell them straight out to stop blowing there money on useless stuff and buy there own food and gas. YOu do not own them a thing. You are just going to have to be blunt and if they can not handle the truth is that your fault or problem NO>
2007-03-20 06:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by picture 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest, no offense but unconditional love is suppose to go both ways, especially with your mom and sister. I understand your situation and I used to be in the same spot, then I needed them to pull through for me, not my mom but my brother and sister and all they did was cover their own ***, and leave out to dry. It was sad, but a great relief. Dont wait for that to happen to you, when people know they have someone to depend on they get lazy and toooooooo self confident, and that is not good. Be honest, and tell them the truth, better yet the next time you go around ask them for a favor see how they will react to this new way. That will help answer allot of questions for you. As for your brother, I think what your doing is great, if his in college than you should support. But dont become a rug.
2007-03-20 06:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by beygrl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just need to not worry about hurting their feelings and tell them you cherish your relationship with them too much to risk it by loaning money.
If necessary, point out that if they made better choices early in the month (or pay period) that they wouldn't run out of money to fill their gas tank or pay their bills. Offer instead to help them with a budget so they can see what they earn and where it goes, and how to make it last until they earn more.
You aren't responsible for their poor financial decisions and you definitely ARE a better money manager than they are. If that troubles them, they need to take a look at making some personal and/or lifestyle changes.
2007-03-20 06:28:21 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can think of is to lie and make up an excuse for why you're short on money at the moment. Tell them you are continuing to pay for your brother's rent because it's all you can afford and you can't leave him without a home but that you won't be able to afford to help them out with little things that aren't really necessities (like rent is). Just say you got a pay cut at work or something and it has to be this way.
2007-03-20 06:25:40 · answer #6 · answered by Vivita 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I hear you sister ! Thank goodness I put a buffer zone between them . Some families members are like that because their only perception family is what you can do for them just because your related . Just be happy they don't live with you . I don't mind helping out in emergencies though and when I go to visit I usually pay for dinners and things .
2007-03-20 08:28:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way from Confrontation to Cooperation - William Ury
2007-03-20 07:09:48 · answer #8 · answered by S c a l p e r 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you cant say it nicely or they will keep coming back you need to tell them you work hard for your money and if they want the things you have tell them to get a better job tell them your not a bank and you are only paying your brothers rent until he leaves college x
2007-03-20 06:27:40 · answer #9 · answered by andrea.barrett36 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well i think there is no nice way of saying no but there are way worse ones. example: i asked my grandad if he wanted to go to egypt he replyed with a "i have nothing to say to that" and that hurt more than any no could have ever done. i means seriously how can u not have anything to say to that. its a yes or no question.
well back to ur problem. i think u should just tell them, if u dont u might get angry after a while and in the heat of the moment say something u really regret later
good luck
2007-03-20 06:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by Finn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋