Do I have the right to discipline my child?

Question

Last weekend, I disciplined my 5 year old girl by telling her I was dissapointed with her for behaving like a spoiled brat. I refused her outings and the swimming pool that she was looking forward to (no shouting and no hitting).

The problem is that I am divorced and only see her for every other weekend and after she was returned home, I got an irate call from the ex telling me that my daughter had cried since I left and that I had no right to traumatise our child...

She's threatening all sorts of things now...

So, do I have the right to influence the way my child is brought up now that I am an occasional dad? I would prefer our weekends to be joyful events, but if I have to let everything go by, even if she is being bad, then I can't see any real reason to suffer these visits and it would kill me to not see her at all...

Answer 1

You are still her father whether you and her mom are together or divorced. You have every right to discipline your child. She is still your child.
My parents telling me they were disappointed in me was the worst punishment I ever got. It absolutely broke my heart to hear that, but it worked.

Answer 2

You most definately have the right to discipline your child and you should. From what you indicated that you did it doesn't sound that far out of line. It is a little difficult to tell what is appropriat punishment unless you know the child however. General rule of thumb I always used was that the punishment should fit the crime. At five and being a girl I think I would sit her down and talk to her about what selfish means and what spoiled means and how behavior affects how other people treat you. Even though you are not seeing your child on a daily basis you are not an "occasional" dad...you are the childs father and should most certainly try to correct unfavorable behavior. It sounds like your ex might not be in too receptive of a mood for a "reasonable" discussion about this from what you indicated. Are you calling and talking to your daughter inbetween your visits? You should. Every parent needs to set limits for their child....even if the child objects at the time...in the long run it's the best course to take. If this was the first time you did something like this you got a reaction from the child and the mother meant to scare you into letting your daughter get away with what she wants to do even if it is not appropriate. The next visit will probably go a little better because she knows you have limits. But be prepared....kids test you all the time (when you get older sometimes you have to write yourself notes to remember what the punishment was that was given!....but hey, what ever works.

Answer 3

It is terribly sad that you do the right thing and get grief for it but it happens.

You are perfectly correct to discipline your child or any child under you care. Children must be taught what is right as opposed to what is not. If not, we have the 'dark side'. No parent wants that, regardles sof how irate they get when their children are told to behave by someone other than them. And you are her father! How can you be wrong to care how she grows up and what she eventually becomes?

So many parents today do not know where their children go on a daily basis, what they do, with whom or why! God forbid you should indulge your little girl and one day you have to wonder who this person is! By then it would be too late and it would be your fault!

I wish there was some way to reach out to her mother and reason with her for the sake of all three of you but, mostly, for that impressionable child. I hate to go there but her mom is encouraging that behavior and the child is the one who will pay for it in the end.

Sometimes, many times, one parent uses the child to punish the other parent for stupid reasons. Now, I don't know you and I am going by your word. Discipline is of the utmost importance in child-rearing. I was a tom-boy and my mother thought I was bad because I wanted to do what my brothers did. I had to learn that I was different and one day simply could not run around the yard bare-backed.

Be a father to your daughter. Be the best father you can and don't compromise to the point of failure. There will be times when you may relent a little, I'm sure, but please, for your little girl's future, be a good father, a gentle father, a loving father who applies discipline whenever and wherever necesary.

One day, that little girl will be a grown woman and she will pass on the training she received from you to her children, but, only if you do it right.

Try to find someone to reason with your ex if she won't listen to you and wants to disallow your visits. This is very unfair to both you and your daughter. There must be someone she respects - who can get her to do what's right for her child while she is still manageable.

I don't know about you, but I pray, then I let go.
Things usually work out.

Answer 4

I've gone through the same thing, I discipline my daughter and at times I can be very firm and sometimes i do shout depending on the situation. You have to try to communicate with your X about how you want to raise you child. legally the is no law that can tell you how to discipline your child as long is there is no abuse or violence. My daughters mom would always bring up stupid **** out of spite. Always be prepared for the games ( Legal or Emotional) Stay calm in your approach, be their for your kid dont let her go. I know its hard. I did it once but it was my last resort cuz i tried everything else, Be there, be there, be there!!! Even if its court ordered visits ask for more time, through the court or the mother. Hang in there. Just remember to wrongs dont make a right.. Dont get mad at things you know to expect. Patients.

Answer 5

You do have the right, even the responsiblity to do so. It would be a wonderful world if seperated parents would uphold and agree with the rules at the other parents house. It is a shame it is not a wonderful world all the time. You can only enforce your rules at your house.

Maybe to avoid this issue in the future you can sit down with your ex and set rules that will exsist in both homes and what the punishment for them will be. Then explain to your daughter that you now are presenting a united parenting front that she can not break through. It is also a good idea to use the technique of suspended punishment. Let your daughter know that what she may have done is not acceptable, and you and her mother will be speaking to eachother and settle on what is appropriate for dicipline.

Good luck

Answer 6

If I were you I would try to find a compromise. Refusing an outing to a 5 year old that she's been looking forward to not only hurts her, but you as well, as you have seen firsthand. Try to come up with other things/priveledges to take away to get your point across that you won't put up with her poor behavior. For example: You give her a warning, if she doesn't listen, you tell her she gets to stand by the pool and watch everyone else swim for 10 minutes. If she continues with the brattiness, you up it in 5 minute increments. Usually, having to stand by the pool and watch OTHER kids swimming is way more effective than ruining your entire weekend with her together. Do not give up on the discipline, just try to get more creative with it, AND, perhaps you should sue for more visitation so that you aren't as much of an "occaisional dad."

Answer 7

Of course you have the right. If you child is acting out then you as a parent needs to discipline her. If you are only seeing her on the weekend try not to make the punishment last all weekend or all day so you guys have some time together with out being upset.

Answer 8

You are the Father of the child regardless of how often you see her and you have a right to correct her as needed. When she is with you it is your responsibility to make the necessary disciplining decisions. Tell the Mother of the child you have not done anything wrong and that you are sorry that she has been upset, but you will not tolerate her behavior and give her rewards when she does not deserve them. If the Mother can not handle that let her threaten all she wants.. it will be her dime to spend at a lawyer over petty things and no Judge will go for her threats when all you did was correct her verbally and no violence was involved. Good luck.

Answer 9

What a mess. Yes, you not only have the right to discipline your child, but it's your duty.
If you set reasonable boundaries, your child should be expected to stay in those boundaries. If she does not mind your rules, she should expect to face reasonable consequences. Allowing her to break your rules without consequences for her actions is negligent.
Just because you are now a part-time dad does not mean that it's party-time at daddy's house. Imagine how upset your ex would be if you set no boundaries. Your child would grow accustomed to this and then expect the same treatment at mom's house. Your ex would be angry at you for turning your child into a spoiled brat and leaving it up to her to undo the damage.
Let your ex threaten. Unless you are giving your daughter unreasonable boundaries and outrageous consequences, she has nothing on you and the court would see that she is just trying to pick costly fights with you.

Answer 10

You most certainly have a say in how your child is brought up. Unfortunately, because of your differences, ( your ex and yourself), it`s going to be difficult to develop a well rounded parenting team. You may have to call a meeting with your ex wife. You will certainly have to tell her your concerns about your daughter and ask her what the both of you can do about her behavior. Discipline must be consistent to work, both of you have to be disciplining the child the same way. That way the child will not be able to manipulate the two of you, it sounds like she is already.

Answer 11

Yes! You have EVERY right to discipline your own child! My goodness sounds to me like your EX has issues that she THINKS she IS still in control! :( Apparently things didn't work out between the 2 of you, but tell her NOT to USE the child as a battle still betweent the 2 of you, and she should start being a PARENT besides trying to be a friend to her. Hope things work out better at your daughter's next visit. :) ~T~