What would you do?

Question

My great-grandmother was admitted to the hospital Mon. morning. We have just recently discovered that she has congestive heart failure. She is 96 years old. My family is all located in Michigan, I live in Georgia, it is a 13 hr. drive. I want to be there to say goodbye. My family is concerned with the unexpected cost of me coming up there and are trying not to worry me. They're all taking this hard and I wish so bad I could be there with them. I do not work but my husband does and we only have one car, I can't afford to fly. My husband is leaving his job soon for another, the Navy. The doctor offered to send my great-grandmother home with a diuretic, but she keeps falling and my grandparents cannot lift her. After learning this the doctor said well than let's keep her here and take it one day at a time. They're doing an ultrasound today to see how serious the condition is. They do know she has fluid in her lungs. Should I rush to MI or wait here in GA? What would you do?

I feel so in the dark waiting to hear from someone. All of my family says I don't need to rush to MI yet...but I feel funny about it. For all anyone knows she may live another year, months, weeks, days...no one knows. It's frustrating...money is only money but what if we can't pay our rent? I can't rent a car, I'm 21, my husband can but if he comes might as well use our car, he's 28. We'd also have to try and make arrangements for our pets. What if we go up there and she's fine for a few months? Am I just making excuses...I don't want to sound like a bad person, family is SO important to me. My family keeps telling me I don't need to come to MI yet, they'll let me know when and if I do. Do I just wait...or come now?

Answer 1

I would talk to my family about hospice who will help in the final days of any life. Help is available if they want to bring her home.

They need to contact the social worker at the hospital who will be able to give them all sorts of resource contacts.

I suspect that your financial resources and your locations should restrict your travel to the family at this time. Travel conditions are not the best this time of year and it would not be wise to make a rush trip.

The fact that they have not said that she is terminal says that she is possibly going to recover and you would have made a very expensive trip at a time when you can ill afford it.

You say your husband is going into the military in a few weeks that means he is going to be in boot camp for a considerable period of time and then probably a school after that to teach him a viable trade.

At this point in time you would be wise to channel your time into finding a job to help support you in the first months of his military career. You need to consider your own survival first you don't need to rush home to become a financial burden on the family who are already stressed emotionally, physically and financially. Take care of yourself so that they don't have to worry about you too!

Good luck to you and your husband as he embarks on his new career and we will keep your family in our prayers.

Answer 2

Could you take a train or a bus if you aren't afraid to travel alone? That may defer the travelling cost. It's hard to know how long your grandmom has it seems, my grandmom died of congestive heart failure at age 79, but that was the second time she had it. So, you don't really know if it's her time or not. Could you stay for an extended length of time, like a few weeks so you can see her a lot? I think even a short visit, whether it's her time or not would help you because in your heart you would know it's your way of saying goodbye. I think I would go there to see what's really going on. If you can't, it's okay, too! Sounds like you have a great family that would understand. Whatever you decide, it's a decision you have to live with forever, that's why I think I'd like to go to MI. Either way you will be fine in the long run...I've had friends go through this and it always narrows down to the fact that they've made the right decision for themselves.

Answer 3

Do what your heart tells you is the way you want to handle this. Forget about all the logistics and forget about what the family is saying, because no one else is waking up each morning in your shoes, having to look at you in the relfection, having to make peace with the decisions YOU make. Will you regret it if she dies in the next few days, and you didn't make the trip happen? Will you regret it if you go visit her, and it's not her death bed? Seems like a very easy answer to me. All the other stuff is just stuff, not terribly important. I mean seriously, how are you going to justify not seeing her one last time because of your pets? PULEASE.

Answer 4

I really feel the pain and anxiety you are facing.If you feel all doors are closed for you to reach your grandma, then the only door left is go to the place where you feel Almighty God is and just kneel down ,close your eyes and just pray for the better health of your grandma without any other thing in your mind except your grandma.I promise if you do this right now within a few hours you will definitely you will get a good news.

Regards,

Mansur.
[phone]

Answer 5

i would go, for sure. the news doesnt sound good and in a couple of years what difference will this unexpected cost make to you?? none, but miss this chance to be with your family at this time and it could stay with you forever. 13 hr drive is a lot, but worth every mile to see you great grandmother. Go see her, good luck to you

Answer 6

You have situations that are preventing you from being there and maybe that's a sign. However, all you need to do is talk to your husband and ask him what he thinks. This is a decision you should be making together anyway so sit down with him and make it. No one on here can tell you what's best. I can say that if you want to be there, try to go.

Answer 7

Go right now!!!!! Anyway you can get there...bus, train, friend?
My Dad had cancer, was in the hospital, and we all (the family) knew he was dying. I only lived 2 1/2 hours away, and did have the resources to get to him before he passed away, but I delayed going 1 day because of my own procrastination.. The morning I was preparing to go to see him for the last time, he died before I had left. I was told prior to his passing, and in a very drugged state of mind, he was calling for me. I reget, to this day (he died 6 years ago) not being there (I am crying now writing this) for him.

Answer 8

If at all possible, try an internet conference so you can at least SEE each other before she passes! You are already there in spirit, so all you need is to see her. Ask your family if there is any way they can help with this. It's not the most personal, but it is the easiest, cheapest and fastest fix!
Sorry for your situation.

Answer 9

I'd scrape up what money I could, ask relatives if they could spare anything, check with the in-laws (hubby's parents) and find the cheapest way to get to MI. Whether that be by plane or bus. You need to go now.

Answer 10

Hi, at least you get the opportunity to say your peace, my first grandmother passed away from a sudden heart attack at 71 yrs, and was home alone. My other grandmother was slowly taken from alsheimers disease. So I never had the chance to say goodbye to them. I miss them dearly and totaly regret it! Please, go at least you can live with yourself knowing you did everything you could. God bless and good luck!