Why is she picking apart my past?

Question

I've been with my gf for nearly a year and things were great the first few months. Then she started getting upset about some of my female friends and how friendly they were or comments they made. She always asks questions about my past, in particular of my exes. I know it's healthy to discuss it to some extent but she always finds some new question to ask and it's got to the point where I get upset now. I mean, when is enough..enough? She knows I'm getting upset, yet she keeps asking and gives some half wit explanation of why she wants to know. We've agreed not to discuss it any further in the past, yet she keeps digging. Then when I get upset she starts spouting off things like I hate her or she's worthless or I think she's a POS. I've got other questions, but I'll make other topics for those :-/

I've tried stopping her when she starts, but she keeps on going til her point is accross. No matter what I say or do, she keeps asking. I've suggested therapy as did her mother. Although I'm not sure what conversation they had to prompt her own mother to suggest it.

Amanda: You say they are bitter cuz they've been burned? Come on, they are giving real life advice and EVERYONE I've talked to has pretty much said what they've said. She is in the wrong and I'm just trying to find out what to do since nothing I've tried seems to work.

hlpmeplz: You need just that, help. I won't be taking advice from someone who is snooping through her bf's email (yes, I read other posts) I treat her very well. I spent this past weekend digging 3' deep holes, mixing and pouring 800+ lbs of concrete for a hammock I bought her as a surprise because she's been wanting one. She's very loved and appreciated.

Answer 1

It sounds like you need to have a talk with her when you are both calm (not when you are in the middle of an argument). It also sounds like your girlfriend has very low self-esteem. You need to let her know that you don't see the point in talking about the past because it's IN THE PAST and it really doesn't have any relevance towards your current relationship. Tell her she shouldn't feel concerned or threatened by other girls because you are with her now. Her insecurity may be something that will continue to cause problems if not treated and therapy maybe necessary for her so that it doesn't continue effecting the relationship.

Also, I'm not sure how exactly you suggest therapy but it may be more helpful if you don't just tell her she needs it but help her find it. Alot of times with people who are insecure, they know they need help but just trying to find out where to get it can be overwhelming and scary. Do some research online, get contact numbers, brochures and present it to her. Make sure you approach the subject carefully because it's obviously a very touchy subject. Offer to go with her to the first visit and do whatever you can to make her comfortable with the idea.

Answer 2

My bf does this to me also, To the point where i packed my bags and said "screw this" I have many guy friends and they live in the same town naturally and to be honest, that is what it took for him to settle down. We had fought about it then it went like this....
He has insecurities about women in the past (they have cheated on him) So your gf is insecure also, and has alot of questions , and wants assurance that everything is fine.
What i did, Because i genuinly love him, Is sit down and told him to ask away. Take as long as you want and i will only give you this time to completely get every question out.....we talked about it for a few hours, AND with doing that i told him, this is all you will ask me, get it out of your system and know that if i didnt love you i wouldnt take the time to do this.

End result is that he got answers to his questions, we came to a comprimise, he wasnt allowed to bug me about anything like this anymore, and if he did, he cant go about it in a nagging way. But a compassionate one,. and I cant get mad cause he is allowed to ask questions.

Go about it in angles. Everyones first reaction is to get angry, I mean i was aggitated and ready to throw away 10 months.
If she is worth it take the time to talk it out....
Hope it helps, I know exactly how you feel.

She has found someone she truley loves and is getting panicked that you may not feel the same way.



P>S These girls are bitter, the ones telling you to not have let it get this far, they were obviously burned and now take it out in an angry way and hide there past. The past is the past for a reason learn from it, dont hide it from someone you love.

Answer 3

Your first mistake was letting it get this far. Your past is your business and i have found that it is never a good idea to share it with a new partner. As far as her questions, next time she starts to ask something cut her off and say..STOP right there... do not even start this. I am finished discussing my past with you. What happened before you does not concern you and this is all I am going to say about it. If she persists to dig you might want to rethink your relationship.

Answer 4

You probably make her feel worthless. I am trying to be honest, since ive been in that kinda situation. Having your bf not making you feel special sucks. If she felt like you only had eyes for her, she wouldnt care. She wouldnt ask you questions because she knows you only have eyes for her. She needs attention, give it to her. Tell her she is the prettiest, the smartest, whatever...just dont lie to her. Tell her you only move on to bigger and better things and you hate talking about your past cause shes not in it. If you really did care and love her, you would try the best you could to make her feel comfortable and loved, then she wouldnt care about anything else. Good Luck

Answer 5

She's very insecure.....it doesn't matter what you say to her, she's going to keep on digging into your past....sorry!

Answer 6

snap man. who understands women.

Answer 7

CAUSE YOU LET HER