All you mums out there, tell me what you think about this?

Question

My two sons live at home, neither of them gave me anything or done anything (or even a hug would have been perfect) for me last Sunday, which was Mother's day here in Ireland.
I was so upset the last couple of days that I felt I should ask my eldest (22) what was it I had done, or not done etc., I did this nice and quietly and calmly a short while ago.
His reaction was.....
"Oh, god you're over-reacting"
What should I do ?.

Thanks everyone I tried to raise them the best I could, maybe I should have been tougher, even my mum used to say I was too soft.

Marc,
Elderly ? at 45 maybe, widowed, qualified graphic designer, working full time trying to run my own design business.
No, neither contribute to the upkeep of our home, what chores are done are done grudgingly.
My eldest worked last year and it took me 3 months to get a penny out of him, now THAT felt like begging.
When you live in my home, you abide by my rules, you pay the mortgage, you have a say in the rules.
If YOU read my question, you would notice that I DID NOT WANT anything,
only a hug and maybe thanks.

Oh, one more thing Marc, the benefits of commercialism have fed, clothed, and kept my children warm for the last 20 years.
We live in a commercial world, like it or not.

Answer 1

take a holiday, go and visit some relatives, you need a break, this could be part of your answer, i´m sure you´ll miss them and i´m certain they´ll miss you. it will give you time to think and relax, you need to think of yourself a bit. they´ll have a hard time on their own and perhaps they´ll apreciate you more when you go back. take a holiday now and again and keep them on their toes!

Answer 2

Has anyone actually read the Question? It doesn't say that the sons don't contribute to the household, they may well do. The problem here is likely an elderly woman needing attention, spurred on by the greeting card corporations' mothers day nonsense. Yes, you probably are over reacting, like the non-too-attentive readers above. What to do, be proud that your sons didn't fall for the commercial rubbish and get on with your life. Have you any dreams left? What happened to all the things you wanted to do before the family?

Marc

Answer 3

Without sounding nasty we bring these kids into the world love them nurture them and give them everything we can but what we can't give them is ever lasting excuses for poor behaviour,what you need to do is again tell them both how you are feeling about this explain that this is not an over reaction but a feeling and show them some of the replies you have got from all of us here, As I would like to say to them personally that it is not about how much money they can spend or how fancy they make YOUR DAY, but it is a simple sign of respect and love for the person who gave them life, to disrespect your mother is as low as you can go and if that is how low they are then maybe they need to move out and stand on their own two feet and see exactly how important a mothers love and support really is..good luck and god bless

Answer 4

I second what the first guy said. Down tools... There is no excuse for them forgetting and even with the little reminder and his reaction, he should still have gone out and got something. A bunch of daffodils for 99p wouldnt have killed, for as long as he showed something. Dont do anything for them, put a block on what you can, when you're cooking, if you can go out and eat then do that if not, just by enough for just yourself. Then as a shock tactic, when they've moaned and groaned about it all... get the bills out and sit them down. Let them know that this is what it costs to run the home that keeps them warm and clean. You do it cos you love them, all you ask for is a little appreciation. And if they think they can live as good as this on their own somewhere else, then go ahead. Or this will be your life from now on.

Answer 5

id over react to ,it would be different when that come in and ask you for 50 euro , mothers day only comes once a year its not a lot to ask .
this might make you feel better .

if all mothers in the world
were cooked inside a pot
and all of the ingredients
were mixed about a lot
I'm sure there would be a recipe
to please more than a few
but the one thing id come up with
is the one that made me - you
a pinch or two of kindness
a dash of loving care
a sprinkle of unselfishness
a drop of being fair
heavy dose of tenderness
a healthy slice of love
a little touch of worry
and faith in god above
a little hint of discipline
a grain or two or hurt
a tablespoon of kisses
and cuddles for desert
an extra share of patience
and tender loving care
if you ask about real happiness
i guess I've had my share
i really love you mum
without you life's unreal
i hope this little recipe
will show you how i feel
so lots of love on mothers day
i hope this makes you see
that as far as i am concerned
you're the only girl for me

my husband didn't even get me a card from my 3 yr old , so my sister sent me that poem it really cheered me up hope it does you to.

Answer 6

If your two sons are that unfeeling and unsensitive, I would very kindly but firmly inform them that it is about time that they grew up and moved out. If they don't even have the decency to wish you a happy Mother's day and give you a hug, I think that you should forget their next birthdays -- no gifts, no party, no cake, no mention off it at all -- as if it was just any other day of the year. When they confront you about "not remembering their birthday", simply state: "Oh, god you're over-reacting". It's called tit-for-tat and you can be assured that if my son every pulled what your sons did, I would give as good as I got. Good luck and I would like to wish you a very happy Mother's Day and suggest that you take yourself out for a nice meal but don't let those ungrateful sons of yours know until after!!

Answer 7

to begin with In My Family we All have a strong view of children being in the home after a certain age
We and I have a large family believe as soon as School is out
SO ARE THEY
I have 27 neices and nephews... all as soon as school was out had goals
College, Service, marriage, . If they did not have a goal up on graduating the 12 grade they were given a set of luggage and money and said OK its time you flee from your nest
But in raising them all the kids knew this
At 18 if they stay in school and went on to college we did help them..... but we were not a crutch for any of them
we raised them to be strong and independant.
If he is not in school TELL HIM BYE AND HAND HIM LUGGAGE you did you 18 years, you gave adn gave adn now its time they stand on their own
and I would add, OH BY THE WAY ITS MOTHERS DAY
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME TO EAT TONIGHT >>>>>>>
YOU can not blame your self mom, some kids are just not very thoughtful as others

Answer 8

My own mum has been in the situation that u have described. It wasn't that we were being mean we had been in considerate of her feelings. My mum kept quite about it and then when our birthday arose she never got us any gifts or cards. When we approached her about this all she said was "here is a taster of ur own medicine." And to this day we have never missed mothers day or any other day that she is supposed to get a present. I think u should try this hope it works

Answer 9

£400 a month, food and bills extra.

Tough love, but they need to appreciate you.

Dont cook for them, do their washing, clean their rooms. Treat them like they are rent off you, which is what they are doing. When they cant go out on Friday with a clean shirt for the ladies, things will hit home.

Let this run for week, then sit them down for a honest chat.

EXTRA - Forgot this - unplugged or fit a phone lock, password protect your internet access. An advancement on one of the below, when they are expecting tea, tell them you are off out for Mothers Day and treat yourself to meal somewhere.

Answer 10

Do excuse not to treat your Mother on Mother's Day. Its your on chance to repent of everything you have or haven't done all year! Get tough and treat the lazy good for nothing, pig ignorant swines as they treat you. You deserve better.