Just wanted a little advice ! I have 2 boys 20 & 25 they have reciently moved to another province for work. They managed to get a great job together paying excellent money. I was so relieved because I figured finally I would be finished with the handouts. Now they tell me they both have gotten fired !! The both of them!! So how do I say NONO NO I cant do it anymore ! I dont want them to lose there apt. but I didnt get them fired they did.
I know you are thinking they are adults & I should be stronger ,but what if they lose it all ?? I just need to know what on earth Im supposed to say to them at this point in their lives as I just cant help out anymore! And how do I not feel guilty about saying it, Thank you
2007-03-20 04:49:10 · 14 answers · asked by angel 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You have to tell them that its time for them to support themselves and that you cant afford them anymore. I know it might be hard to see your children go throw this but its time for them to grow up and become responsible for themselves. Tell them that you love them and will always have an nice dinner they can come over for once and a while! Tell them they should at least get an part time job at an fast food place for now.
Also, you might feel guilty but you can keep trying to baby them anymore! You have to let them go and just remember there age and that they will come to you if something really goes wrong!
2007-03-20 04:59:47 · answer #1 · answered by Chrissy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every problem that they handle on their own will make them stronger. It is difficult but they will survive many have in the past. They have the option of taking day labor jobs and working their way toward better situations. Allowing them the opportunity to fix their own mistakes as adults is no different than it was when you take your hand off the bicycle while they are learning to ride. They may fall however it is not apt to be fatal and then again there is always the possibility that they will learn a valuable lesson and hang on to their next positions.
If you love them trust that you have already given them the information that they need to survive this. Ask them to let you know what they are doing to fix their problems. Stay interested and keep praying.
Mothers and fathers don't take or deserve credit for children's success neither should they hold themselves responsible should a child falter on the way to success. They should just believe in their child's ability to persevere.
2007-03-20 04:57:27 · answer #2 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you have the financial resources or not. If you do LOAN (don't give) money for one month's rent for their apartment. I'm assuming they're sharing the same apartment. If they've been living in two diffferent apts, I would make the stipulation that they move into one apartment together since you will only lend them money for one month's rent for one apartment.
Thirty days should be enough time for them to find some type of work even if it's temporary and just covers the bare necessarties. They may have to take on two jobs. but your sons are young enough to handle it if need be.
That will give them 30 days to find jobs and to reflect on why they got fired. Did they actually get fired ot were they laid off because of budget cuts, etc?
If I were you, I would not give or lend them actual cash. In fact, as far as paying a month's rent for them, I would pay their landlord directly. You might be willing to help them with donating food items if you're so inclined, But only for a month!
2007-03-20 05:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by susandiane311 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
no matter what you are going to feel guilty if you tel them to do it on their own. but you know it is for there own good there is two of them!.....You could give them enough money for first and last for an apartment and possibly even fill the fridge but no more moving back home..also do you have a room set up still for them get rid of it make a craft room or workout room but not a room with a bed in it!
2007-03-20 04:59:07 · answer #4 · answered by roncj88 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, they HAVE to learn consequences. If they lose it all they lose it all and I bet the next time they won't be so careless about their work. They are old enough. It's not with holding love from your kids, it's using tough love and you have to be willing to cut them loose and let them learn. You tell them that they are old enough to know better and that they have to face the consequences of their actions. It will hurt, it will break your heart, they will beg and plead but you are doing them more good this way and they WILL thank you later in life. Be strong!
2007-03-20 05:04:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents loaned me $ for rent, bills and food til I could find another job and paid them back in monthly payments. This only lasted 1 1/2 months but they helped me for 2 months' rent ...
I hope you could help them in a way ... If they're living together, give them $ say its a LOAN til they get back on their feet and they can pay you back in monthly payments. (Be sure you have them in written anyway)
If you don't trust them completely, drop off the check for rent with their manager or landlord, have them show u the bills that needs to be paid and keep track of $ ...
Other choice is have them move back home til they can find another job ... Give them 6 months (less or more) to find a job and move out of your place ...
Im sure they can apply for unemployment funds (if they have any in their state)
Good Luck and hopefully they'll find a job ASAP
2007-03-20 05:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by Little J 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's hard to say no to your kids, no matter how old they are, but it's best for them. I have a cousin who is 40 years old now, and his mom always helped him out of EVERYTHING, she even sold her house for him so he could move to Las Vegas and start a business, well, now he's broke, she's broke and they're both living with his dad(her ex) in a one bedroom house.
2007-03-21 04:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same boat, but enough is enough! We EARN our way and our grown children need to do the same. If the lose everything, it's their own fault, not ours!
It is heartbreaking to have to do this, but you will be glad you did and the boys will thank you eventually too!
2007-03-20 05:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should explain to them your own financial situation and ask them to assist you. It may motivate them to get another job quickly and not come to you for assistance because you have already asked them. The reverse psychology may pay off. Good luck!
2007-03-20 05:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by Micah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this really hard to answer. But, you may have to tell them; "Welcome to the real world". They need to learn to make it own their own as you can not be around forever to help them.
There nothing wrong with trying to help, but, I guess we also have to draw a hard line. All I know to say, wish I could give better advice.
2007-03-20 05:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋